Just In
Community
Forum
V
More
for Rebels

12/20/2004 c1 14biminator
hm. This is pretty stale. I mean, an advanced culture in a civil war? That's old. Also, although alot die, near the end, everything seems to fit too easily. Then there's the dialogue. The conversation is basic and uninteresting. There's the problem of streamlining, too. You restate stuff, such as "I gave him an understanding nod. "I understand your concerns, Sahvid."" You say understand twice in a space that only needs one usage of the word. Needs revisions.
7/26/2004 c1 Amanda
BRAVO! the first paragraph made me want to read more. Absolutly amazing story.

Twitter . Help . Sign Up . Cookies . Privacy . Terms of Service