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1/24/2006 c1 Kia
Hey, it's me. this is very thought-provoking, and i loved the imagery you mananged to squeeze into it. it's just bright and like you say "dazzling" and "frenzied" and "hollow" and "transparent" and "omg awesome". So you didn't say that, but you get the idea you know? i liked it a lot. It just threw me off my feet. thanks for this.
6/8/2005 c1 24Lux's Confusion
hey you, it's been too damn long. first off, you get more and more brilliant as the time passes. i wanted to immediatly start writing when i read this. like shit i have to capture something, so i'm writing you now, lol. then the poem makes you slow down, drink it in, see every words intense neccesity, it's not all glamour and thrills. and thats where the intelligence, and the uniquness silently slips in between the mundane, and reaching for the fantastic. so much more i'm seeing this take place. i'm seeing individual thought make new create new ways of saying the old things that haunt us all. this gives me hope and passion. and i'm so proud of you, you've made it and i knew you would. if you can't see your potential, than hear that you do from someone who doesn't Bullshit. thats all i have to say for now.

Jasmine
5/21/2005 c1 Guest
I liked this. It was powerful, and I agree, symbollic.

I hope you return to show us more of your work soon.
2/13/2005 c1 16Wing Chant
This is awsome! I adore the last line because it ties it all together. "A headstone that glaringly reads: I live"Holy hell, that gave me shudders down my spine. *shiver* *shiver* Anyhoo, I hope to read more of your work ASAP! So, yeah! ^_^ Later days,

loserzunite1
1/19/2005 c1 95unjaundiced
it's kind of random, but in a powerful way. it seems a little desperate and hard but in a beautiful way. i kind of like it. it makes me feel things.
1/18/2005 c1 25pleasecometrue
Great write, I like it ;)
1/2/2005 c1 75clockwork kiss
Very pretty work. Love the second stanza. Brutal and beautiful, and isn't that the best way to go? The whole thing reminds me of a Fitzgerald-esque world. Roaring 20s pace and feel. I highly appreciated the original imagery, like the bleeding pipes and the "flaking skin that slides like mud". Refreshingly new.

Hmm... as for critiques, I would say to watch your word agreement. i.e.: "Leaving you a distinct shade of melancholy / That bleed like rusting lead pipes." and "Join up the blanks and fill in the dots / That hollowly sprinkles the acid yellow sky". "bleed" should be bleeds and "sprinkles" should be sprinkle.

In "Show me your horizon; that never was", the semi-colon isn't necessary for grammatical purposes, and I don't really see a poetic need for it.

Anyways, wonderful work! I absolutely love it and the statement it makes. The last lines were beautiful and remind of the quote "Live fast Die" by... oh, I forget his name now, but that famous musician.
12/12/2004 c1 37Teperehmi
That is really really dark! Otherwise nice imagery. Not sure if i liked it though!
8/28/2004 c1 whyt forest
good imagery pris. admittedly not one of your best but it's still really good. your poems just have very very high standards is all ;)
~whyt forest aka Justine
8/16/2004 c1 64not sure yet
love the last stanza there, muchly pretty i think, i liked this, well done
8/12/2004 c1 Jonathan
What ya number...
7/16/2004 c1 612simpleplan13
nice descriptions... altho im not so sure what its about
7/15/2004 c1 2Hypersensitive
With unbelievable clarity - its lovely as always. I admire how you keep going, even though you've threatened to stop. Its amazing work you have here, as always the imagery is fantastic. Do teach me. :)

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