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10/1/2007 c1 6Gogoh
I think this 'a' person is very narrow-minded and a very cheap thinker. I find nothing wrong in having a crush over someone 10, 20, 30 or 40 years younger/older of age!
8/14/2007 c1 a
ok first you are a sick person okay. what the hell would posses you to wright this kind of story! you NEED to get laied by someone YOUR AGE! not some little girl. This story makes me want to burn my computer! GET A LIFE, ONE THAT DOSNT INVOLVE SEXUALY HARASSIND LITTLE GIRLS! My god do you have no morals! people like you should be put in jail!
6/27/2007 c1 atreyu love
sounds.. interesting.
6/8/2007 c4 1Miss Slash
I've read your story so far and I'm sorry to say that I can't continue it. I'm not going to say anything along the lines of 'YOU'RE A SICK PERVERT!' or 'PEDOPHILE!' like some of the other people have said (It would be cool if FictionPress allows people to report flames like other websites do). This story just doesn't necessarily agree with my stomach.

For one, the age difference. While I'm sure this has been pointed out many times before, there's too big a gap. Secondly, Keith seems like a real wackjob. Falling in love with a 9-year-old is a little over the top. I have little cousins around the age of 7 and it kind of freaks me out that there are people out there that actually might feel the need to touch them. I'd like to point out that your story is very well written so far.

I bid you good luck with any future stories you may post. ~Miss Slash.

To all the people that flamed this story:

"A well rounded critique is often the most rewarding tool for the writer." By yelling at this writer just to tell him that he sucks isn't constructive criticism. If you didn't like the summary, there is absolutely no need to bash the story without attempting to read it first. All you had to do was skip it and continue whatever else you were doing. While flaming him, you were being very rude and ignorant.
4/21/2007 c17 17Arthurian Goldfish
Haha controversy, much?

It was a good story.

Slightly weird if you're not used to the whole 18 year old and 9 year old thing, but it was still well written and all.

I think several people need to get over themselves and realise that not everything in life is going to conform to their comfort zones.

The only things I think you need to improve on with this story is the way you write.

I've noticed this with quite a few people, but you write far too formally, and you don't make enough use of different adjectives.

I noticed that quite often you'd repeat adjectives you'd used before in the same paragraph, and I know it's pretty hard not to a lot of the time.

But that's one of those things you have to challenge yourself with.

In regards to formality, you need to tone it down a little bit to suit your characters.

I understand that the main character, Keith, was an 18 or 19 year old (I forgot which, sorry) boy who has incredibly christian and very forceful parents, but I just think that you wrote things out far too... adult for him.

Also, you made him seem far too naive for someone his age, and in the last chapter he only just started growing facial hair and getting pimples, even though he should technically have gone through puberty about 6 yyears prior.

But that's the only criticism I have in regards to your story.

Keep up the good work :]
4/7/2007 c17 1Anime Girl006
Wow. I still remember reading this story for the first time, and being in total shock, I am still. It was a great story. I didn't really like the fact that the guy was in love with a young girl. But I saw past that, and it was a really good story. A lot of things happen that I couldn't believe happened, and it wow me, and will still years and years from now. Besides the fact that you had enough guts to write a story about such a taboo subject as a young man being in love with a young girl. A hand clap for you, for not only finishing the story, but doing such a good job at it, anyways, at day's end. I enjoyed the story alot.
10/23/2006 c3 28HeartbreakersHorizon
wierd story about an older boy liking a younger girl
8/24/2006 c17 arabica
Rather disturbing as a premise, but at the same time I can't help but to like Keith, and I have to say that you are one of THE best amateur writers I have ever seen. Your sense of timing and description is great, and I actually care about the characters (though I'm amazed at the cluelessness of the parents). You've unflinchingly portrayed character flaws (does Keith not remind of you of No-Face from Spirited Away, lonely and somewhat lost and looking for pure, loving companionship?) and awful things in this world, and I think you've done a good job with it. I can't say I agree with the age difference thing, but I do know that Keith doesn't disgust me (a bit, but very little)-he is a real human being, not the creepy caricature that most people would probably expect from the summary. Good work.
8/15/2006 c17 Rayka-Sannada
I liked the story. It was nicely written, but for the people who say its nasty and wrong. Yeah that true and it is your opinion but still why come and read if you find it offensive. And he/she can write whatever the fuck the want, it just a book. Murder and suicide is wrong but people still write about it do the not. and nothing matter when it comes to story writing its just a story so when you go around saying, 'uhg this stories about lesbian girls or gay guys" *flame* *flame* I don't like to read about gay girls or boys, but I still don't go and read it in the first place then talk about their work. I want you to think 'why did I come to read it in the first place?' ok to finish my rant I would like to say if a book can have an unicorn in it then a book could have a 19-year-old boy like a 9-year-old girl.

8/10/2006 c1 Anonymous
I've read this entire story, but I'm only going to submit one review for the whole thing. I hope you don't mind. I'm going to say up front that I don't agree with such an age difference, but I also won't insult you like several other people did.

This is a disturbing situation. If she was an adult, it wouldn't be so bad. But the fact that she's underage, nine years his junior...wow. But I think you've presented it in a very, very interesting way. And the fact that although he has fantasies about her, but he never actually attempts to have sex with her or force her to do things that she doesn't want to do, also says something about him. In a way that a lot of people will find immoral, he really does care about her. And visa versa. I think you're very talented in writing. Everything is extremely descriptive, you've got good punctuation and grammar, and you have very original ideas. Kudos. (And I have to say that I like the way you presented other things in this story: drugs, sex, prostitution. They're bad, dirty things and yet they do go on. You presented all of this very well!) Although I don't agree with this particular idea, it does leave me wondering if they'll end up having a real relationship after she turns eighteen.
8/1/2006 c16 EnigmaticArsenic
i actually found this story on someone else's favorites list, thought the title and summary sounded originally interesting. not a whole lot of people would write about the subject (outside of nabakov, ha ha.) for fear of being called a pedophile, but i thought over all it was a good story with wholy disturbing subjects (teen prostituion, porn, and all that), but i think it's wrong for some of the reviewers to judge the work before reading it. it's not at all pedophilic considering he never really touched her, and in way you can sense that he really does love her just from the fact he never forced himself on her. and i agree that in this age of SEX, there is something to be said for child-like purity. (and i wholly believe people should keep children pure, lol.)i think i shall add this to my favorites as well.
7/16/2006 c17 annice
u fucking disgust me ..this might as well be child porn... do u knoe that any one can read this ...this shit could infulence a young boy or girl into thinking child molestation is okay ...well its fucking not ...im absulutely horrified that the site owners let shit like this be on there site
7/3/2006 c8 11Phoebe Hall
I love your story. I read the whole thing in an hour. Possibly less, I wasn't looking. Very good
7/1/2006 c17 8Inuko Metallium
i will have you know i read the whole thing in one sitting, and i enjoyed it very much. i did not find the subject matter wrong, cos i believe any love that is love is right, and that age really is just a number. (you'd be surprised how many people say that and don't truly believe it.) i also like your other story that is similar to this. i guess that means i have no morals. (well, my favourite book IS "Lolita", so maybe i don't.)

it's hilarious how many of your reviewers misspell "paedophile." what's even more hilarious is that i can spell better than them, and i'm foreign...

keep up the good work. i love childlove stories apparently, but no, my fellow reviewers, i am not a perv - my panties are dry, and though i've never met him (her...?), i'm sure ku's are as well.

6/27/2006 c17 PrettyAwkward
Ok, the story was really good. Having a 18 year old want a 9 year old was weird and creepy. But the story was still good.
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