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8/10/2005 c4 2temblance
So we got a little more explination. I love how the chapters are short, they're easy to read. this story raises so many questions, so I'm looking forward to another chapter.
8/10/2005 c3 temblance
I'm really wondering about the backstory of Sera and Keaira. I have lots of questions, but hopefully everything will be revealed later. Good job!
8/10/2005 c2 temblance
I like this.
8/10/2005 c1 temblance
ooh, this is a beginning that draws you right in.
7/7/2005 c4 3EisoftheSnow
SWEET! ohh suspense! I really like your story idea, you've got a really good feel for portraying diffrent characters, i wish i had it . alas, you were destined to it i suppose! Please write more, (i want to see this guy die!) because it looks like a REALLY good idea!
9/16/2004 c1 2lirantha
Returning the favor. :)
I think we've got different ideas about the best length for sentences. :p Echoing Cutlass's points about the capitalization and punctuation... it sort of throws me for a bit to run into minor problems with grammar. I liked Lord Corbin immediately (I suppose that's the idea) and the other characters are also sketched well. I'd look for more depth of character in the following chapters, though - it's nice to have a quick grasp of who a person is, but watch that that doesn't make the characters too predictable. The plot is developing nicely, and you do a good job of withholding enough information to add mystery and interest without being annoying about it. Based on what I've read so far, the story seems to be mainly plot-driven - meaning problems and complications will arise primarily from external sources. Characters will clash with each other and with the situation more than they struggle with themselves. That's cool - it makes the reader look forward to more updates (hint, hint) because whatever events the author throws in determine the course of the story. Given that, maybe you should ignore my earlier comment about characterization... and just write more. Things may naturally develop. I'm looking forward to reading it! Good work. :)
9/12/2004 c4 dino
Is this story related to your other story, Bonded? Either way, it is quite enjoyable, so please continue!
9/10/2004 c2 this revolution
I like this so far, but when I read a story I like to have some of the characters' histories explained in the beginning. It keeps me from getting confused and bored. That's just me, though. Love it...ooh, more chapters. :)
8/7/2004 c2 19Wolf Queen Lover
Very Very nice!
Your reveiw was so kind that I wanted to be able to do reading your stuff justice. I was right to wait until I had time. This is so well done! Please don't leave us all hanging.
8/1/2004 c1 6Avsman 5000
Hey this is really great so far. Yeah in what states will your show be on?
7/31/2004 c1 13Angel-in-a-dark-corner
I really like the begining ti sounds very interesting and I also wanted to say, I think you are totally right about all the political stuff, people should have equal rights and they should be able to choose to marry anyone and be able to get abortions. Well it was great getting a review from you keep reading. congratulations for the orle on TV what states will it be in?
7/30/2004 c4 4Dragoncheese
Good story. Since you reviewed my story I review you back.
V. good start.
7/28/2004 c4 3Kon Savage
So Pillan is the guy who is beating his wife and kid, but whose his sister. Anyway good dialogue between you're two characters, realistic. Can't wait for more.
7/28/2004 c3 Kon Savage
hmm...interesting. Is he the man their going to kill? Also the part where she blushed because he was there and would not look at him because she likes him? That was a little confusing but otherwise good.
7/28/2004 c2 Kon Savage
Very well written, the description of the town was great. Also your discussion about how his death should look was good. Also I like how you aren't giving this guys name away just calling him a noble or he, good touch.
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