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7/24/2004 c1 3Smurf Orgy
Hmm. It could prove to be promising. But definitly get rid of the talking crap at the end. It makes you sound really immature. Especially the "pooper" part. But on the whole the story is ok for a beginning.
7/24/2004 c1 9spikedhalosmary
Oh creepy lights out and knives! Can't wait to read more ^_^ Great job so far on your first story, Im writing my first too.
7/24/2004 c1 4muddy toes
I would most certainly lose the chit chat at the end. It seems to make the whole thing childish. And its 'Asylum'.

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