for Trust No One12/25/2004 c7 
40Jareth the Monk
I actually went ahead and read chapters four through seven at once, so I could take in more of the story in one big chunk. This is starting to remind me not so much of anything like Star Wars or Star Trek as Homer's Odyssey. Faced with a five hundred odd year intergalactic wandering, they are driven to explore any inhabited planet they come across. I only have one piece of constructive criticism to offer. It is stated that they are a little over 500 light years from the Milky Way galaxy. Being an amateur astronomer, I can tell you that in the big scheme of things, they are practically already there. Looking out a port window, the galaxy should dazzle in its blinding brightness (perhaps a few times brighter overall than our full moon) and take up their entire field of view. Our galaxy is estimated to be around 80,0 light years across, not including an intergalactic halo of satellite galaxies (the Large and Small Magellanic clouds, and possibly the Fornax Dwarf Galaxy), and hundreds of globular star clusters (many of which may contain over a million stars apiece). Therefore the notion of a five hundred year journey to any seasoned space traveler who has an accurate understanding of the size and scope of such dizzyingly large numbers would be like walking across the street. Does the Jewel possess hibernation chambers to accomodate the crew for such vast distances? If it was designed to be even a modest interstellar (much less intergalactic) ship, hibernation chambers should be standard (unless it really can go faster than light). I'm not nitpicking about the storyline or any grammatical errors (I think I saw two in four chapters), just trying to help solidify an underlying plot-driven emotional current. In short, would a space traveler (properly equipped, both with technology and the knowledge to use it wisely) even sneeze at the prospect of a mere 500 odd years in empty space? Sorry I've been away for about three months, I really need to get back here more frequently, and I've started writing again, so its a start anyway. More!
40Jareth the MonkI actually went ahead and read chapters four through seven at once, so I could take in more of the story in one big chunk. This is starting to remind me not so much of anything like Star Wars or Star Trek as Homer's Odyssey. Faced with a five hundred odd year intergalactic wandering, they are driven to explore any inhabited planet they come across. I only have one piece of constructive criticism to offer. It is stated that they are a little over 500 light years from the Milky Way galaxy. Being an amateur astronomer, I can tell you that in the big scheme of things, they are practically already there. Looking out a port window, the galaxy should dazzle in its blinding brightness (perhaps a few times brighter overall than our full moon) and take up their entire field of view. Our galaxy is estimated to be around 80,0 light years across, not including an intergalactic halo of satellite galaxies (the Large and Small Magellanic clouds, and possibly the Fornax Dwarf Galaxy), and hundreds of globular star clusters (many of which may contain over a million stars apiece). Therefore the notion of a five hundred year journey to any seasoned space traveler who has an accurate understanding of the size and scope of such dizzyingly large numbers would be like walking across the street. Does the Jewel possess hibernation chambers to accomodate the crew for such vast distances? If it was designed to be even a modest interstellar (much less intergalactic) ship, hibernation chambers should be standard (unless it really can go faster than light). I'm not nitpicking about the storyline or any grammatical errors (I think I saw two in four chapters), just trying to help solidify an underlying plot-driven emotional current. In short, would a space traveler (properly equipped, both with technology and the knowledge to use it wisely) even sneeze at the prospect of a mere 500 odd years in empty space? Sorry I've been away for about three months, I really need to get back here more frequently, and I've started writing again, so its a start anyway. More!
11/19/2004 c7 199Saeger
Oh, I never reviewed this one! SOrry ^^U.So Daniel doesn't drink before a mission- cool. Gotta respect that. Nice to see things happening- i want to see what happens when they get there.
199SaegerOh, I never reviewed this one! SOrry ^^U.So Daniel doesn't drink before a mission- cool. Gotta respect that. Nice to see things happening- i want to see what happens when they get there.
10/3/2004 c7 9Needs Therapy
at the moment, the story seems to have hit a lull. i'm hoping that something really good will happen in the next chapter so keep writing. it's good to have a few chapter to set up the really good bits. i just dont like them even in my own stories.
Peace ut (The Kett)
9Needs Therapyat the moment, the story seems to have hit a lull. i'm hoping that something really good will happen in the next chapter so keep writing. it's good to have a few chapter to set up the really good bits. i just dont like them even in my own stories.
Peace ut (The Kett)
9/4/2004 c3 40Jareth the Monk
You know, I'd be afraid of any ship (or plane or boat or whatever) that with all those motors and extra he-man equipment, one wire shut it all down. You'd think there would be a hundred different ways to turn the thing on, and only one way to turn it off (by blowing it up). I see we have a mechanic on board, he wouldn't happen to be any good at wiring, would he?
Of course I'm being flippant about this- it really is decently written and I have no complaint with how fast its moving along so far. Come on, chapter four.
40Jareth the MonkYou know, I'd be afraid of any ship (or plane or boat or whatever) that with all those motors and extra he-man equipment, one wire shut it all down. You'd think there would be a hundred different ways to turn the thing on, and only one way to turn it off (by blowing it up). I see we have a mechanic on board, he wouldn't happen to be any good at wiring, would he?
Of course I'm being flippant about this- it really is decently written and I have no complaint with how fast its moving along so far. Come on, chapter four.
9/3/2004 c2 Jareth the Monk
Well I made it to chapter two. It's good that there's a (somewhat) doctor on board. People tend to get jumbled about very easily. It still moves along good, and I'm starting to remember something about each character (meaning there aren't so many I lose track of them all).
As a side question, is Jason named so in homage to another captain of legend, Jason of the Argo?
Well I made it to chapter two. It's good that there's a (somewhat) doctor on board. People tend to get jumbled about very easily. It still moves along good, and I'm starting to remember something about each character (meaning there aren't so many I lose track of them all).
As a side question, is Jason named so in homage to another captain of legend, Jason of the Argo?
9/2/2004 c6 199Saeger
Be proud? I'm proud! ^_^
So they found someplace. Neat... But my minds wondering if they're gonna be welcomed or shot away? S'okay about the wait- I've gotten used to long waits between chappies- but still, keep writing!
School started, huh? SO did mine- but its actually pretty easy. SMooth transition from last year- w/less homework. ^^U
199SaegerBe proud? I'm proud! ^_^
So they found someplace. Neat... But my minds wondering if they're gonna be welcomed or shot away? S'okay about the wait- I've gotten used to long waits between chappies- but still, keep writing!
School started, huh? SO did mine- but its actually pretty easy. SMooth transition from last year- w/less homework. ^^U
9/1/2004 c6 9Needs Therapy
Oh a mystery. *Puts on Sherlock hat* lol. it's not fair. i wanna know more. now. right now. keep writing (or else).
Peace out (The Kett)
P.S Thanx for the email. now i can sleep easier.
9Needs TherapyOh a mystery. *Puts on Sherlock hat* lol. it's not fair. i wanna know more. now. right now. keep writing (or else).
Peace out (The Kett)
P.S Thanx for the email. now i can sleep easier.
8/31/2004 c5 9Needs Therapy
Nice work. But I cant figure out how the hell they got so far out of our galaxy. please tell me. I'll sleep easier if I know. keep it up though.
Peace out (The Kett)
9Needs TherapyNice work. But I cant figure out how the hell they got so far out of our galaxy. please tell me. I'll sleep easier if I know. keep it up though.
Peace out (The Kett)
8/30/2004 c2 Needs Therapy
pretty good. took me a few times to understand it all, but that's just me. keep it up.
Peace out (The Kett)
pretty good. took me a few times to understand it all, but that's just me. keep it up.
Peace out (The Kett)
8/28/2004 c1 40Jareth the Monk
Frightfully sorry I've been away for a while, but with the kid going back to school soon I should have more time on my hands for REVIEWS!
Anyway, I've only read one chapter so far. It's moving fast, I guess they all have to, or else the world would end before they had a chance to see chapter two, eh? This is almost at the pace of a manga comic. So what's his motivation for wanting to take all these wierd people with him? I'd have gone ahead and knocked out the old man and taken him anyway (because he can cook) and of course all eligible females (because they can, well, you know). Am I not bursting with sensitivity? I couldn't find any grammatical eros either. Soon to read chapter two, so this is a hopeful sign that it stays this good.
40Jareth the MonkFrightfully sorry I've been away for a while, but with the kid going back to school soon I should have more time on my hands for REVIEWS!
Anyway, I've only read one chapter so far. It's moving fast, I guess they all have to, or else the world would end before they had a chance to see chapter two, eh? This is almost at the pace of a manga comic. So what's his motivation for wanting to take all these wierd people with him? I'd have gone ahead and knocked out the old man and taken him anyway (because he can cook) and of course all eligible females (because they can, well, you know). Am I not bursting with sensitivity? I couldn't find any grammatical eros either. Soon to read chapter two, so this is a hopeful sign that it stays this good.
8/20/2004 c5 5Khamron
*Khamron cautiously peeks through the pages of ionlyliveindreams' story, and remembers...*
Arrggh! I CAN'T BELIEVE how long it has been since I last logged on to fictionpress! I really will try to be better... ^_^
I like your story; the characters are extremely diverse, and I am particularly intrigued by Carmen...what is the secret of her past? How long until I can find out? Ahh!
Anyway ^_^, I have put up, I think, two new chapters for Darkas...please keep bugging me about it; I truly love my story but I have been neglecting it as of late!
5Khamron*Khamron cautiously peeks through the pages of ionlyliveindreams' story, and remembers...*
Arrggh! I CAN'T BELIEVE how long it has been since I last logged on to fictionpress! I really will try to be better... ^_^
I like your story; the characters are extremely diverse, and I am particularly intrigued by Carmen...what is the secret of her past? How long until I can find out? Ahh!
Anyway ^_^, I have put up, I think, two new chapters for Darkas...please keep bugging me about it; I truly love my story but I have been neglecting it as of late!
8/18/2004 c1 9Needs Therapy
a little confusing, but a good start. makes me wanna know more. nice work
Peace out (The Kett)
9Needs Therapya little confusing, but a good start. makes me wanna know more. nice work
Peace out (The Kett)
8/17/2004 c5 199Saeger
I lov the story. I HAFTA tell you every time, or else you might go like some of my firneds and take it down cuz you think noone likes it. I'd be hurt! So... I review. ^_^ Welcumz!
What did Taylor do? ::scratches head:: Ish cunfuzzled... Oh well. Funny, with the 'BAR'. Kep it up!
199SaegerI lov the story. I HAFTA tell you every time, or else you might go like some of my firneds and take it down cuz you think noone likes it. I'd be hurt! So... I review. ^_^ Welcumz!
What did Taylor do? ::scratches head:: Ish cunfuzzled... Oh well. Funny, with the 'BAR'. Kep it up!
7/31/2004 c4 Saeger
Yay! I got acknowledged by the authoress... *^^*
Marcus sounds like the joker I was thinking about. And Daniel, the quiet genius- forgive the nickname, or use it, whatever you think- and Sara, who seemse the shy one. A little young, too, but... The shy one.
I love the way this is pulling together, adn they seem to be getting to be friends, sorta. I can't wait to see where the mistrust comes in, and how bad it gets- but I like the peaceful times for now. Keep it up, and yer welcome!
Yay! I got acknowledged by the authoress... *^^*
Marcus sounds like the joker I was thinking about. And Daniel, the quiet genius- forgive the nickname, or use it, whatever you think- and Sara, who seemse the shy one. A little young, too, but... The shy one.
I love the way this is pulling together, adn they seem to be getting to be friends, sorta. I can't wait to see where the mistrust comes in, and how bad it gets- but I like the peaceful times for now. Keep it up, and yer welcome!