for I Deserve Better11/10/2004 c1 
29shadowwolf2371
again, it describes my feelings right now, seeing as how i just went through a nasty break-up. nice writing.
29shadowwolf2371again, it describes my feelings right now, seeing as how i just went through a nasty break-up. nice writing.
7/28/2004 c1 rollymc123
You skipped a lot between modern, casual English and the older Shakespearean kind. It makes the poem very awkward. I suggest sticking to the casual; you'd be able to express your feelings more fluently.
Also, you don't need the commas at the end of each line. Remember, there's an implied pause because the reader needs to move on to the next line.
I loved your comparisons, with sand and glass. Very big difference, emphasizing the tone of frustration. Good job with that.
Overall, good poem, but watch those commas!
You skipped a lot between modern, casual English and the older Shakespearean kind. It makes the poem very awkward. I suggest sticking to the casual; you'd be able to express your feelings more fluently.
Also, you don't need the commas at the end of each line. Remember, there's an implied pause because the reader needs to move on to the next line.
I loved your comparisons, with sand and glass. Very big difference, emphasizing the tone of frustration. Good job with that.
Overall, good poem, but watch those commas!