for Grace and Despair2/21/2005 c2 
1Whistling Gypsy Rover
A nice first chapter, but there were some awkwardly phrased sentences. However, as you mentioned you typed it up quickly, I shan't complain too much! Eventually you might want to go through the chapter again when you have more time and correct various spelling and grammar mistakes, and try to polish up those awkward sentences.
You hint at some conflict that could possibly come up with Angela and her father and/or Bishop Bontrager. It would be nice if you could take advantage of it; nevertheless, I will certainly abide by your decision.
I'm looking forward to reading more.
1Whistling Gypsy RoverA nice first chapter, but there were some awkwardly phrased sentences. However, as you mentioned you typed it up quickly, I shan't complain too much! Eventually you might want to go through the chapter again when you have more time and correct various spelling and grammar mistakes, and try to polish up those awkward sentences.
You hint at some conflict that could possibly come up with Angela and her father and/or Bishop Bontrager. It would be nice if you could take advantage of it; nevertheless, I will certainly abide by your decision.
I'm looking forward to reading more.
2/21/2005 c1 Whistling Gypsy Rover
I like the prologue. Very descriptive, and interesting. To be blunt I know hardly anything about the Amish people (except that my mother says I'll be mistaken for one if I keep wearing my apron and bonnet!), and I'm quite intrigued to learn more.
As Arwen Evenstar mentioned, you wrote "it's" in oppose to "its," the latter being the proper, in the first paragraph. I stumble on this often when I'm writing, and to prevent having to pause and murmur: "Do I write 'it's' or 'its?'" I recall this: if I'm writing 'it is,' I put an apostrophe. If I'm writing in the possessive I don't. That is, in fact, the rule, and it comes in handy when typing quickly.
On to the first chapter!
I like the prologue. Very descriptive, and interesting. To be blunt I know hardly anything about the Amish people (except that my mother says I'll be mistaken for one if I keep wearing my apron and bonnet!), and I'm quite intrigued to learn more.
As Arwen Evenstar mentioned, you wrote "it's" in oppose to "its," the latter being the proper, in the first paragraph. I stumble on this often when I'm writing, and to prevent having to pause and murmur: "Do I write 'it's' or 'its?'" I recall this: if I'm writing 'it is,' I put an apostrophe. If I'm writing in the possessive I don't. That is, in fact, the rule, and it comes in handy when typing quickly.
On to the first chapter!
8/5/2004 c1 13arwen-evenstar89
great job being descriptive! That's always one of the first things i notice... even though it's hard for me to write them...
I saw a couple of grammar mistakes: there shouldn't be apostrophes in it's and summer's... (end of 1st Paragraph and start of 2ne...)
But this is a great start, and i'll come back and read more!
~Lauren
13arwen-evenstar89great job being descriptive! That's always one of the first things i notice... even though it's hard for me to write them...
I saw a couple of grammar mistakes: there shouldn't be apostrophes in it's and summer's... (end of 1st Paragraph and start of 2ne...)
But this is a great start, and i'll come back and read more!
~Lauren