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10/30/2004 c3 Anotherlovesickteen
This story is really good, the lads are so cute! So is the Boss and Fletch in love with Cleo while she's in love with Diego but none of them realise it.Absolutely fucking great material! Update soon.
9/13/2004 c3 4fluffykitty
Let me start by saying this story is AMAZING! I felt the emotions the characters were under and the pace was up and down making me feel the NYC life even though I've never been there! You really know how to keep your characters 'in character' I guess you could say. And you were good at describing the character throughout the story, not like some other authors who describe their character in one SUPER long paragraph. Umm... you definitely drew me into the story, the words you used were strong and descriptive. I only had one problem, when you write number less than one hundred, it grammatically correct to spell them out. Aside from that, AMAZING STORY! PLEASE update soon!
Peace, Love, and Joe's Crab Shack
9/11/2004 c3 Paolo
i'm really enjoying it, you describe things cool-like and it really draw you in. :D
9/10/2004 c3 3r0achie
heya dasoz, whe i like ur story update soon! puhlease i wanna reaad more, go fletch, he rules!
9/9/2004 c3 am
he.. i loved that chappie :D it was really sad and stuff.. feel so sorry for cleeo :) v dramatic stuff dudette.. UR the drama queen hahaha
update so0n :)
luv am
9/8/2004 c3 4fazzingaway
You finally updated! thank god! i was waiting :D i'm gonna review this as i read along so here goes:
from the very beginning of this chapter i noticed that your style has changed slightly. its almost like its matured a little and suddenly got an extra touch of sophisticated charm to it. not that it wasn't good before, IT WAS! its more like in the last two chapters you had this raw energy to writing the story, the beginning of the creatvie boom as i call it and most of it was just pouring out. now you've had some time to calm down and think things through and it just feels classier. you seem to have settled into the 'humor' part of this story with your subtle witticisms. i loved it!
also, you're descriptions are neater and snazzier, like Mrs Happy Days, LOL, i loved how you described her physical appearence. very good.
i also like how you've developed Cleo further which i think is incredibly important as she's the main character. and the boss! you've given him depth! excellent stuff. he's no longer a minor stereotype. he has a story behind him and i hope its something you'll touch on again later.
the only thing about the exchange between cleo and her boss was that i couldn't quite feel cleo's pain, so to speak. she was angry, i could tell that much, but why she was angry i couldn't quite be sure, even though you did point out a lot of reasons... i dunno... felt just a teeny bit contrived to me, like she was over-reacting but she was mentally justifying why she was... but its prolly just me.
in the next scene though, when she actully was kinda over-reacting with fletch and the rest, that did feel right. it made sense for that scene and you showed it well through her thoughts and so on.
anyways, i hope that helped. ooh! thank you! i just saw the review reply! you're so sweet :D i'm looking forward to your next chapter :)
9/8/2004 c1 bEE
WHERE THE FUCK AM I IN UR FUCKING STORY...you GAY FAGGOT I HATE you ASSHOL...hehe jks...i want to be in ur story...who GO * haha GO *...oki, in comerce, with you sitting next to me...lesbo...HAHA jks...okay BYE...
8/25/2004 c1 ess
no seriously
i read the first chapter!
be proud of me :)
good story - gotta read the next chapter!
love ess the sexy
p.s. STEPH 4 ROW :)
8/23/2004 c1 ess
hi steph buddy
great work even tho u smell :)
anyways great story its realli good so far but ive only read one chapter :)
ok cant wait to read the next one
love ess
8/23/2004 c2 1your favourite stalker
*mutters* stupid boss. lol fletch's cute. n i'm guessin via has a lil cwush on diego? :) neway, keep it up! *thumbs up* great stuff
8/23/2004 c1 your favourite stalker
oo diego :) lol nice name. reminds me of ice age... neway, I LUV THE LIL PUPPY! :D:D:D:D:D onto the next chappie!
8/10/2004 c2 4punkcatwitissues
Definately cute, I love how you work the cell phone messages into the story. Uh oh. Cleo's in trouble! lol. Don't mind me, having a third grade moment.
8/9/2004 c2 5quiksilva brumby
=O What? What? *is shocked* Oh no! Da da da dum. WEll neway, i loved this chappie. I love miss bored, shes so funny. Please update soon daso0z. I would write u a really long review but i am in history *sigh* Neway, update, UPDATE! *demands* And read my story moohahahahahah. Lolz. Keep writing darl,
luv ~micky~ xx
8/9/2004 c2 4fazzingaway
whoa! what a cliffhanger! whats up with the boss?
anyhoo, am writing you a proper constructive criticism here :) here goes: in the first paragraph... you wrote "gaining quite a handful of interested look." i think 'interested looks' would have sounded better.
then later, Fletch said "drink/smoke/hanging with you break"... i dunno, that sounded a little strange to me. i understood what you meant but people don't actually talk like that in real life :)
i loved fletch though. he sounds yummy although i'm having a hard time picturing him in my head. maybe a little more descriptions of all your characters. its something that i skimp on myself because i can see them in my own head but i forget that other people can't so i don't describe as much. :)
the boss' character, while kinda stereotyped, is coming across beautifully. everything about him fits from what he says to how he says it. very nice!
the opening paragraph in the library scene :) it was very well described and set the mood well. miss bored, olivia, sounds a little mysterious and i'm sure you'll probably develop on that later. and whats up with her and diego? :)
speaking of diego, i'm liking him more and more :D and i love how you've shown the tight relationship between fletch, cleo and diego, although i'm getting the vibe that there may be a little more to fletch and cleo ;)
all in all, a pretty decent chapter. i reckon the plot will start to make sense soon and i can't wait to read it :)
wow! that was long. i will leave you to it now :) thank you so much for your review, by the way! it meant so much to me and i'm particularly flattered that you put off walking your dog for it :D thank you!
8/8/2004 c2 5blak pearl
O dramatic ending! but i wanted to hear more about the BOSS! no HE was funny. lol. mayb he really loves hr and will get back tomorrow. roflmao
anyway fletch is such a swetie. love the smses, thehy're so sweet! roflmao. LAVENDER BOMBS ROCK THE PLANET!
cool chapter doode! upate oober soon and try and cut back on the undelrining and bold, its sorta becoming redundant. othr than taht GREAT and i cnt wait for the meeting with miss.bored and she is soo INTO ALFONSO! roflmao. WHAT A NAME! u have such unique names, u no!
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