for Bleh1/16/2012 c42 CnConrad
Well I am close enough to finishing it I still plan on it.
I However am done with reviews. I really can't stand Ivan and I really don't feel like beating a dead horse.
He is emo, a big baby, and has no redeeming qualities yet everyone likes him. Add all this to the fact that he is immature and has God-like power makes him overpowered and one dimensional.
Well I am close enough to finishing it I still plan on it.
I However am done with reviews. I really can't stand Ivan and I really don't feel like beating a dead horse.
He is emo, a big baby, and has no redeeming qualities yet everyone likes him. Add all this to the fact that he is immature and has God-like power makes him overpowered and one dimensional.
1/12/2012 c12 CnConrad
Story still going very well. The character interactions are a little flat though.
Telling us the king was sad is not as good as showing us.
Story still going very well. The character interactions are a little flat though.
Telling us the king was sad is not as good as showing us.
1/12/2012 c8 CnConrad
It's funny, even though you finished this a while back you have adressed all the problems I mentioned earlier.
Well back to enjoying your story.
It's funny, even though you finished this a while back you have adressed all the problems I mentioned earlier.
Well back to enjoying your story.
1/12/2012 c7 CnConrad
Ok much better. You can't have an assassin who is just a nice kindhearted guy who happens to murder people for a living.
Rather than a sociopath with no emotions or self centered character you went with a split personality.
Not my first choice but it does explain everything so far.
Good job.
Ok much better. You can't have an assassin who is just a nice kindhearted guy who happens to murder people for a living.
Rather than a sociopath with no emotions or self centered character you went with a split personality.
Not my first choice but it does explain everything so far.
Good job.
1/12/2012 c5 CnConrad
A little more human reactions this chapter for Ivan. That's good.
I still wish he had some reason for keeping her around other than his "conscious" Which he can not have that much of if he is a murder.
A little more human reactions this chapter for Ivan. That's good.
I still wish he had some reason for keeping her around other than his "conscious" Which he can not have that much of if he is a murder.
1/12/2012 c3 CnConrad
I know you are finished and probably will never see these reviews. But, I'll review like the story is still new.
Everything is solid except for Ivan. There needs to be some justification to why he will kill with out hesitation yet takes this girl with him. I'm sure they end up falling for each other but you could have put some reason for them to be together in the story.
Ie he/his mother were slaves. Or he was planning on selling her. Or she gave him some other reason she would be worth the trouble.
I know you are finished and probably will never see these reviews. But, I'll review like the story is still new.
Everything is solid except for Ivan. There needs to be some justification to why he will kill with out hesitation yet takes this girl with him. I'm sure they end up falling for each other but you could have put some reason for them to be together in the story.
Ie he/his mother were slaves. Or he was planning on selling her. Or she gave him some other reason she would be worth the trouble.
1/12/2012 c1 CnConrad
So far not a bad start. Good base story line.
The only complaint I have is the assassin's opinion to slavery. There is no reason given why a cold blooded murder like him would hate slavery so much. Also he sounds like Harry potter talking to dobbie it dosnt really portray an assassin very well.
So far not a bad start. Good base story line.
The only complaint I have is the assassin's opinion to slavery. There is no reason given why a cold blooded murder like him would hate slavery so much. Also he sounds like Harry potter talking to dobbie it dosnt really portray an assassin very well.
2/15/2008 c61 
3Gekijou
Brillant. I'm certain that I've read this story before because it's in my favorites, but It was definitely worth reading again. A truely original story.
3GekijouBrillant. I'm certain that I've read this story before because it's in my favorites, but It was definitely worth reading again. A truely original story.
6/7/2006 c61 38Tobino
why did he kill himself. He just lost all my respect for him with his stupid selfish actions. suicide is overrated
38Tobinowhy did he kill himself. He just lost all my respect for him with his stupid selfish actions. suicide is overrated
5/27/2006 c1 2Mr Scroop
thanks for ruining the fucking ending you jackass, Al. god i hate people like that
2Mr Scroopthanks for ruining the fucking ending you jackass, Al. god i hate people like that
3/2/2006 c1 Renee
I'v read her story 3 times and every time i am Captivated. i'v have spoken with Silver Hornet wall in production of this story. the end of this story is an alternate.(duh) she told me once that she could not think of what to right.
I'v read her story 3 times and every time i am Captivated. i'v have spoken with Silver Hornet wall in production of this story. the end of this story is an alternate.(duh) she told me once that she could not think of what to right.
11/20/2005 c61 Al
Oh... my... god...
Thank you. For a no holds barred amazingly romantic and yep simple story. You didn't much it up, you just told it like it is!
AMAZING! The only weird part is the last line... "And then Ivan decided that his life was not worth living and he killed himself." huuh? I guess i can understand writing stress ^_^ still! Awesome story! I loved it! I love Ivan and Nitria! Yay! I'd ask for a sequel but it seems almost complete already! I'm not sure if u would have enough material to write a continuation. Meybe about Abigail's adventures i don't know. Awesome stuff though.
Oh... my... god...
Thank you. For a no holds barred amazingly romantic and yep simple story. You didn't much it up, you just told it like it is!
AMAZING! The only weird part is the last line... "And then Ivan decided that his life was not worth living and he killed himself." huuh? I guess i can understand writing stress ^_^ still! Awesome story! I loved it! I love Ivan and Nitria! Yay! I'd ask for a sequel but it seems almost complete already! I'm not sure if u would have enough material to write a continuation. Meybe about Abigail's adventures i don't know. Awesome stuff though.
8/3/2005 c61 blacksunrise
GAH , you definately would hav ehad people hunting you down if you ended it with Ivan killing himself
gri didn't care for the way you ended it . But on a whole It was most excellant !wonderful job
blacky
GAH , you definately would hav ehad people hunting you down if you ended it with Ivan killing himself
gri didn't care for the way you ended it . But on a whole It was most excellant !wonderful job
blacky