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1/21/2005 c1 177Chaotic Charisma
Sober, again with the diction. The third stanza confuses me. It SOUNDS good, but I'm not sure your meaning is entirely graspable. Forced rhyme? Your fourth one picks up the rhythm of your poem again, very well- that part's my favorite. That part with the haste and the pace is getting to me, though. I'd say revise a bit or maybe take it out of the poem entirely.
9/8/2004 c1 3Powerof1P3PadfootsGrl
pretty good!
8/16/2004 c1 3Rosetifer
this is a favorite by you...i love the opening stanza, and especially love the 'doesn't mean the world is sober' line. you have great works...i envy you..hehe anyways i'll review the rest of your stuff tomorrow.
8/12/2004 c1 18pseudocidal
I like this, it sounds like it would be a really cool song! The first stanza seems a bit off though..or maybe I jsut think it's incomplete because things are usually in fours. Also the third one seems a bit awkward, but I'm not sure why...overall though, good job :)

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