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8/26/2010 c2 2Lifeless111
:O

freaky
6/4/2005 c2 10artgirl101
first off i'm sorry again for not reviewing lately, but its summer and hopefully i'll do better this time. this story is good and creative. i got a bit confused during the first couple of paragraphs on the second page about who was talking and who they were. at one point i thought john was actually the insane guy but it turned out he wasn't which confused me alot. once i got over that though i really enjoyed the story. your writing is getting better. keep it up. also i have a sequel to my story "it's not what it seems" if you would like to check it out.
12/16/2004 c1 8Jove
emulating insanity in literature is a valuable and beautiful art I admire deeply. Story-wise, it's impeccable in its intent, but I would make it longer, with greater trauma (not like it is easily possible to do more than you have already). But first person...that can be more terrifying (a taste in En Saen, a short story, though hazy in details. Being hazy in details can also communicate insanity: "the 'wet' shovel", which is the blood).
9/23/2004 c2 26Nickolaus Pacione
You are getting progressively better at your craft and a story like this really shows what you are going to be capable of. Some of the reviews on here don't exactly do the story justice because if you want to get this story even scarier you might want to bring out the paragraphs to build the suspense. I agree with RAM on this one, I am very interested to the direction you take this one.
8/31/2004 c2 24Eternity's Secret
Wow...that was great!
8/31/2004 c2 1JD Kennedy
Woah, cool ending there, and could that be an Elegiaca reference to the rain? Maybe not but its what i was reminded of. This really clears up the confusion from the first chapter, the only improvement i could suggest is to maybe make Perdue a character that we can feel more sorry for, that way the ending will be more powerful, its a suggestion mind.
~ JD
8/27/2004 c1 26Endless Nightmares
Hello- Your first paragraph had some problems with it- a little redundant. Overall, not bad.
8/27/2004 c1 1JD Kennedy
Very cool. But I find the repetition of the words 'him' and 'he' in the first paragraph to be a little distracting. Aside from that; very good. I like the last two paragraphs the best because they take a sudden dark turn which was pulled off very nicely. I await more from this one, thumbs up. Check out 'Rhye: The Wild Hunt' whenever you can, it's the first completed Rhye tale so far.
~ JD
8/23/2004 c1 Infamous Writer
Nicely done. This tale is very good, but I noticed a few things-
"He woke and enjoyed the bread and water."
Don't you mean he "woke up", or "awakened"?
You say the word "but" too many times. It's tedious and makes the story difficult to fully enjoy.
An overall great story.
8/22/2004 c1 Robert Anthony Montesino
Interesting beggining & I am curious where you are going with this, well written & tight and it looks like your off to a good start...looking forward to reading more from you!
8/22/2004 c1 4Scawt
Not bad at all. Very well written, which is a bit different on this website.

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