for Bonnard: The Bath9/13/2008 c1 Unknown Survivor
Wow. That was very well done. Interesting to say the least. Keep up the good work. (:
~Unknown Survivor~
Wow. That was very well done. Interesting to say the least. Keep up the good work. (:
~Unknown Survivor~
9/11/2008 c1 
54Lifeless Prophet
Charming piece. Makes an artist think twice about his/her subject. Painters, photographers, and even writers now have a burden to their subjects now that you've shed some light on a subject as a being.
well done
-Prophet-
54Lifeless ProphetCharming piece. Makes an artist think twice about his/her subject. Painters, photographers, and even writers now have a burden to their subjects now that you've shed some light on a subject as a being.
well done
-Prophet-
9/10/2008 c1 May Elizabeth
Wow! I love this. I really like the way you get into the woman's head and tell her story of being depicted. Great job! Peace.
Wow! I love this. I really like the way you get into the woman's head and tell her story of being depicted. Great job! Peace.
10/25/2007 c1 lymli
I was looking at the picture at the same time I was reading this, and it was a nice feeling.
I love this line" you like to paint your own eyes on my face"
it sounded as if the artist was selfish.
I was looking at the picture at the same time I was reading this, and it was a nice feeling.
I love this line" you like to paint your own eyes on my face"
it sounded as if the artist was selfish.
10/4/2007 c1 46Former Kimmi Gray
This is very well done! You caught the emotion of the impatient wife very well. I like how you put in the dialogue as well. Great job!
46Former Kimmi GrayThis is very well done! You caught the emotion of the impatient wife very well. I like how you put in the dialogue as well. Great job!
10/3/2007 c1 30life on rewind
Great writing with the potential to go far. Since it does have that potential, I’m sure you won’t mind some concrit:
Punctuation again ... I think you know what I'm going to say ^_~
Your poetry doesn’t have to be so structured – it’s called “free verse” for a reason :P Be more bold with your line breaks, go crazy with metre! You don’t have to break after every clause. Make use of breaking off incomplete sentences. Not every line has to be a sentence broken off by a comma and a full stop. Let it flow!
Maybe you could format the poem into stanzas and remove the double spacing? It's a bit long otherwise, and reading it gets tedious.
Loved the feelings however ... the flow of the poem could be improved, but love the idea behind it.
Sakura.
30life on rewindGreat writing with the potential to go far. Since it does have that potential, I’m sure you won’t mind some concrit:
Punctuation again ... I think you know what I'm going to say ^_~
Your poetry doesn’t have to be so structured – it’s called “free verse” for a reason :P Be more bold with your line breaks, go crazy with metre! You don’t have to break after every clause. Make use of breaking off incomplete sentences. Not every line has to be a sentence broken off by a comma and a full stop. Let it flow!
Maybe you could format the poem into stanzas and remove the double spacing? It's a bit long otherwise, and reading it gets tedious.
Loved the feelings however ... the flow of the poem could be improved, but love the idea behind it.
Sakura.
10/1/2007 c1 Counting Petals
Interesting. I like the idea of imagining her perspective, rather than just telling a story. It reminds me of "Girl With a Pearl Earring", almost.
Interesting. I like the idea of imagining her perspective, rather than just telling a story. It reminds me of "Girl With a Pearl Earring", almost.
9/21/2007 c1 29McKenzie Drestire
I liked the inner rhyme, it was well used and didn't overpower the poem. It ended a bit oddly though, a bit abrupt and that was the only sense of you pushing the rhyme, it is the only line which seems forced. Good job, keep writing
peaceout, kenzie
P.S - I'm not from Australia, guess again
29McKenzie DrestireI liked the inner rhyme, it was well used and didn't overpower the poem. It ended a bit oddly though, a bit abrupt and that was the only sense of you pushing the rhyme, it is the only line which seems forced. Good job, keep writing
peaceout, kenzie
P.S - I'm not from Australia, guess again
9/20/2007 c1 10asdf will
This has been probably said before, but I like your style of poetry and rather your style of writing. I can never write a poem in a story type of format. I guess I'm just abstract, but anyways, all I can say is : Love it.
10asdf willThis has been probably said before, but I like your style of poetry and rather your style of writing. I can never write a poem in a story type of format. I guess I'm just abstract, but anyways, all I can say is : Love it.
9/15/2007 c1 70EyesEmphatic
Wow, this is really strong. I suppose it's somewhat like every relationship..you do things you don't want to for someone, and the whole time is spent resenting them for it.
I like how you ended this, leaves me wanting just a little more explanation. This is great writing.
70EyesEmphaticWow, this is really strong. I suppose it's somewhat like every relationship..you do things you don't want to for someone, and the whole time is spent resenting them for it.
I like how you ended this, leaves me wanting just a little more explanation. This is great writing.
7/2/2005 c1 80The Magician Joseph
I like it, if this is a real painting I have never seen the painting, but the poem is really good.The thought process is really good and the emotions, the description of discomfort all really good.In defense of artist's though, I think it is perfectly okay to be enraptured by rendering a nude, even one of the same sex, because most the time art, usually dampers lust and one becomes obsessed with drawing all of the muscles and machinations of the human body perfectly. After all they are only replicating the already perfect work of art.
80The Magician JosephI like it, if this is a real painting I have never seen the painting, but the poem is really good.The thought process is really good and the emotions, the description of discomfort all really good.In defense of artist's though, I think it is perfectly okay to be enraptured by rendering a nude, even one of the same sex, because most the time art, usually dampers lust and one becomes obsessed with drawing all of the muscles and machinations of the human body perfectly. After all they are only replicating the already perfect work of art.