for Astral Bound Three: My Only Possession8/23/2004 c1 
7Aemilia
The good: Pacing, characters and dialogue- all good. Interesting hook at the end. I love a cliff-hanger.
The bad: I think you should be more selective with details. When you described the villain's clothes as "a black wife beater tank top and relaxed fit, stone distressed jeans" you completely pulled me out of the story, because it was just too much. Does that make sense? It detracted from the evilness of the character. It's hard to be scared of something if you know it's wearing stone-distressed jeans.
The ugly: You really need to proof read, I found a lot of mistakes.
-Aemilia
7AemiliaThe good: Pacing, characters and dialogue- all good. Interesting hook at the end. I love a cliff-hanger.
The bad: I think you should be more selective with details. When you described the villain's clothes as "a black wife beater tank top and relaxed fit, stone distressed jeans" you completely pulled me out of the story, because it was just too much. Does that make sense? It detracted from the evilness of the character. It's hard to be scared of something if you know it's wearing stone-distressed jeans.
The ugly: You really need to proof read, I found a lot of mistakes.
-Aemilia