for Almost Forever
108/25/2004 c5 Daisy Decamps
This chapter was pretty short. This story was very creative, but I think you should put a bit more effort in each chapter. I mean, when you go into each character's head, you make their thoughts simple and starightforward, when in fact, a person's thoughts are usually very complicated, and also, you're too focused on this specific thing with Kelly, Sera, and Dana. When they're feeling bad, or worrying, shouldn't there be life AROUND them? I mean, you make it sound like Kelly, Sera and Dana are the only three people living, except for their friends, who play a minor role.
Okay, what I'm trying to say is, their friends and peers are actually very important in the story, so I think you should focus more on other people, which will make the story both more realistic and interesting.
Update soon!
This chapter was pretty short. This story was very creative, but I think you should put a bit more effort in each chapter. I mean, when you go into each character's head, you make their thoughts simple and starightforward, when in fact, a person's thoughts are usually very complicated, and also, you're too focused on this specific thing with Kelly, Sera, and Dana. When they're feeling bad, or worrying, shouldn't there be life AROUND them? I mean, you make it sound like Kelly, Sera and Dana are the only three people living, except for their friends, who play a minor role.
Okay, what I'm trying to say is, their friends and peers are actually very important in the story, so I think you should focus more on other people, which will make the story both more realistic and interesting.
Update soon!
8/25/2004 c4 Daisy Decamps
I am so honored by your special thanks. Anyway, um, doesn't Kelly have any friends?
Anyway, you have explained what was unsatisying about Dana's "friends" but what's wrong with Sera's "friends?"
I am so honored by your special thanks. Anyway, um, doesn't Kelly have any friends?
Anyway, you have explained what was unsatisying about Dana's "friends" but what's wrong with Sera's "friends?"
8/25/2004 c2 Daisy Decamps
A very intersting chap. I think I like Sera much better than Dana. As for Kelly, I'm not sure. Anyway, going on to next chapter now.
A very intersting chap. I think I like Sera much better than Dana. As for Kelly, I'm not sure. Anyway, going on to next chapter now.
8/24/2004 c1 Daisy Decamps
This story sounds very interesting. I liked the way you twisted things. I really hope that you'll continue this story.
This story sounds very interesting. I liked the way you twisted things. I really hope that you'll continue this story.