for What Kills10/21/2004 c1 
129ladybugpoet
u asked for advice well i think i am very able to tell you (if you dont know what i mean read some of my poems) the best thing to do is to sit and write and write and write (just dont use a pen) and if that doesnt work to get rid of wanting to cause physical pain to urself get a stuffed animal and a knife and well go to it (just dont hurt your self) ((by the way wonderful poem)
129ladybugpoetu asked for advice well i think i am very able to tell you (if you dont know what i mean read some of my poems) the best thing to do is to sit and write and write and write (just dont use a pen) and if that doesnt work to get rid of wanting to cause physical pain to urself get a stuffed animal and a knife and well go to it (just dont hurt your self) ((by the way wonderful poem)
9/6/2004 c1 1wakeuprobot
"To end it all" seems a bit overused, and spoils the fraigility that was experienced through reading the poem. However, I'm sorry to say that I don't quite have any ideas to use for a replacement, or to change it slightly. Perhaps something more metaphorical would help.
Much love.
1wakeuprobot"To end it all" seems a bit overused, and spoils the fraigility that was experienced through reading the poem. However, I'm sorry to say that I don't quite have any ideas to use for a replacement, or to change it slightly. Perhaps something more metaphorical would help.
Much love.
8/26/2004 c1 rollymc123
First off, grammar and spelling are excellent; good job with that, except for "pierces" which should be in the plural subject form "pierce".
The line "which is most contagious", with its outstretching syllables and descriptive nature, does not seem to fit in with the rest of the blunt and simple poem. Maybe if you shortened it to just "Most contagious", it would flow better.
Personally, I thought that your decision to end it all came too close to the description. I was just starting to get a feel of the pain when it suddenly ended. However, this can be a good thing; it can show how rash the decision to end the pain was.
I like your comparison with gossip and a disease; it paints a perfect picture in the reader's mind. I think it would be funny if you snuck in something like "Symptoms:/Questioning stares,/Unconvinced glares", to add a cynical tone to the poem. But that's just a little suggestion.
Overall, great job, and keep writing!
First off, grammar and spelling are excellent; good job with that, except for "pierces" which should be in the plural subject form "pierce".
The line "which is most contagious", with its outstretching syllables and descriptive nature, does not seem to fit in with the rest of the blunt and simple poem. Maybe if you shortened it to just "Most contagious", it would flow better.
Personally, I thought that your decision to end it all came too close to the description. I was just starting to get a feel of the pain when it suddenly ended. However, this can be a good thing; it can show how rash the decision to end the pain was.
I like your comparison with gossip and a disease; it paints a perfect picture in the reader's mind. I think it would be funny if you snuck in something like "Symptoms:/Questioning stares,/Unconvinced glares", to add a cynical tone to the poem. But that's just a little suggestion.
Overall, great job, and keep writing!
8/25/2004 c1 nat
ello...really really nice...honestly the best poems are written at the very lows of ur life. great! :)
one point though..the which was most contagious part is a bit funny...i dunno how to say but the more i read the funnier it gets. kinda weird
ello...really really nice...honestly the best poems are written at the very lows of ur life. great! :)
one point though..the which was most contagious part is a bit funny...i dunno how to say but the more i read the funnier it gets. kinda weird