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5/14/2005 c18 11Cloud Burst
powerful chapter! im still slightly confuzzled though, its probably just mornings. =P

never c jon again? aww... aw wats with the ending of this chapter? its like the end of the whole story o.o.
5/13/2005 c19 3Pont
Ah, it all makes sense now. Everything stirring up, it seems. I'm excited to find out what happens next!Good job. Keep up the great writing!~ponteh
5/10/2005 c18 Pont
Eheh, woops. I guess I accidentally backtracked. Ah well! Now that I've actually gone back and read everything...

I'm really interested in all of the connections here! Your characters have a lot of potential!

For the next few, I'd suggest sticking in one time/place for a little- all of the leaping back and forth are beginning to feel a bit rushed, and like I'm missing something. Just a suggestion!

I'm so confused... Everything's kind of going back and forth in this chapter. She says it's too late right after she looks at him, but she goes on for another couple paragraphs and suddenly the whole 'executioner' setting vanishes. Or is it a different person? If it is, you need to distinguish between the point of views, because you just keep saying 'I' over and over again without a page break or any sort of change. A description of Allyrine to stress her presence with Jon might help- since I have a mental image of her just kind of floating aimlessly around. And is she dreaming? @_@ because, although I appreciate your efforts to make a smooth transition, a break would be very, very helpful since everything kind of leaps back and forth.

I get the feeling you need to step back and take some time to describe things- the 'getting into the character's head' thing is great, but (remember, you don't have to take my advice!) I think a description of her and her surroundings to stress her fatigue or her physical aspects would be great, so we can put a face to the character, so to speak; even if it's something vague like a blurred rock or some kind of physical reaction to stress her emotions since you've done such a good job loading this up with bitter reminiscence.

Can't wait to read on! Sorry I ramble on so much, but you did a good job anyways! (wow, It's been a while since I had to critique anything you wrote) Well written! ^_^ Keep writing friend!
5/10/2005 c17 Pont
*shakes fist* Go away evil scum! *Falls over* ow.

Aiara doesn't sound very nice... and I knew it about that darn necklace! *shifty glances*

This story's really coming along! The last two chapters I assume were flashbacks (as they were italisized), but I'm not positive how any of this connects yet. Do Aiara and Latalhariena just have the same necklace by chance? Ah! Doesn't Malhariena have one too? @_@ Confuzzled...

Ah well, all will probably be explained later. To the next chappie!
5/10/2005 c16 Pont
Hm this necklace sounds like fishy business to me... *scratch chin thoughtfully* but danged if it isn't cool.

Filthy humans. Never good for anything. ^_^ This is getting good! I must keep reading. Onwards!
4/25/2005 c18 8bulletproof.cupid
Hmm so this is a vision and it is not in fact the end. She has a future with Jon though... that's nice =)

I just want to suggest one thing that you do do. Thank one chapter, author's note, whatever and just use it to summarize everything that has happened so far. Such as...

Yadda yadda yadda happened until now

Then go on to list all the visions that occur to date...

1. vision 1: blah blah blah

And so on continuing like this. I don't know you've been skipping over so many things and well, it's confusing and frustrates me to know that I'm not understanding this the write way. Update soon and well, great chapter. It was very detailed and insightful. Thanks for the great read,

~Bubblegum
4/23/2005 c17 11Cloud Burst
ur story is getting stronger both in plot and characters.

in this chapter, u seem to skip from one scene to the next where she wakes up. was the previous a dream? u should add something in between to seperate them.

awesome work! update!
4/18/2005 c17 8bulletproof.cupid
I'm sorry but this chapter confused me. I don't know what she's dreaming and this isn't Riena right? Aiara... no clue *shrugs*

Wowwie, you'll have to explain this to me *blushes* I'm so confused, but I love your fic. It opens up a portal to a whole different reality =) Update soon,

~Bubblegum
4/18/2005 c15 bulletproof.cupid
OMG I missed most of your updates some how =O But I'm back to read up on 'em! So I'm guessing Latalhariena is her mom *confuzzled* Ah let's go on and see what tis is all about...
4/14/2005 c1 1Alzemu
llong chappy...2 times my chater 1...anyways, this story seems to be atleast a bit more lighter so i'll be reading this...
4/9/2005 c16 Poppy Pyres
yay! The new chapter! “run”- should have single not double quotation marks

good of us all dear.” good of us all, dear

why mortal bandits?

Why they had done what they did, she didn’t know,

lol done, did,and didnt. Is there anyway to avoid using all of these words? It is marginally confusing.

Short sentences in the last four paragraphs. Maybe you could join some together.Well done though. Should more be said about the journey?
4/9/2005 c15 Poppy Pyres
I thought the globe was bigger, like a crystal ball size. Dunno why
4/9/2005 c14 Poppy Pyres
Then why…oh. Jon must have truly given it to me, only I felt in it my dream. At east, that is what I thought until he asked,

“What is that?”

At least, not at EAST. And there is no need to have the extra line before 'what is that?" just have it all on the one lineOoh! Cliffy!
4/9/2005 c13 Poppy Pyres
Good jobThe words frightened me to my very core. “You are the blade, and you are the blood. Release your chains, blacken the sun. Deepen it with blood”.

Is this spoken, or a translation. If it is a translation, I would make this clearer. Maybe put a semi colon after core, and make it all one sentence. Would single instead of double quotation marks help?
4/9/2005 c12 Poppy Pyres
hehe not Ents I hope ^_^Very interesting. I like the trees...
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