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3/31/2005 c3 3Pont
Paranoia bites.Another magnifiscent chapter! I'm serious about the autograph you know ^_~ you rock!Great job, I'm too busy wondering what's going to happen in the next chapter (a good thing) to think up a really sane review. But then, what is really sane about me in the first place, anyways? ~Pont
3/31/2005 c2 Pont
Listen to the village eccentric! Listen to the village eccentric! I tell you, even my characters think they're oh so smart and don't need to listen to crazy people. So short sighted. *hits derysne over the head* (derysne: ow! dangit pont, you wrote me!) *sigh* *shakes head*Well, now that that's out of my system, good job on this chapter! Great cliffie ending, glad it doesn't end there! ^_^ (hehe, I'm such a hyprocrite. Many appologies. I've given duchess the 'okay' to type up the rest of the chappies, so within the next few days we should update)Jon should start talking, he seems interesting enough. (crazy pont: *screaming* anorexic fey! anorexic fey! *runs into a wall* @_@) Sorry, crazy pont is running really close to the surface today.Wow, I don't have complaints! do you know what that means? Wow! 'Picky Pont' doesn't have anything to gripe about! Can I have your autograph?~Pont
3/30/2005 c8 Poppy Pyres
I think that your style of writing has really matured. Because I remember the first thing I read of yours, and this has come a long way, just in teh flow and teh dialogue and descriptions- you seem a lot more confident now. i am very sorry to say that this will be my last review tonight
3/30/2005 c7 Poppy Pyres
You really take great care with yoru colours, which paints the picture of yoru scenes beautifully:"for thought the man had dark brown skin like rich mahogany, the boy had skin that shone faintly green, both were tall and slender, with fine, delicate features and vivid pea green eyes."

btw though not thought in that chapter :)

"She had to be some kind of angel; she glowed from within, radiant like a star. Long rippling waves of hair like sunshine and moonbeams fell over white shoulders, and her smile was benevolence itself."- have you ever considered writing poetry? because this description is poetic, and flowing, and i am impressed
3/30/2005 c6 Poppy Pyres
A new language, great description, and heaps of suspense... KUDOS! well done

But then a great shudder ran through me, and the room began to spin. I slumped over to the ground, and pulled my arms tight around me. The awful rush was gone, but horribly, sickeningly, part of my mind missed the keen sense of strange and glorious -evil. For that's what it was: purely and dementedly evil. I was thoroughly sickened with myself, and crawled over to the bed. I could barely lift myself into it; I had weakened myself so from my inner struggle.

i love this paragraph. teh only tiny picky comment i have is that you tend to repeat words like sickeningly and evil. not a big deal, but if you wanted to you could choose words wuth similiar meanings to show off your great vocab ^_^
3/30/2005 c5 Poppy Pyres
"like an abyss into eternal darkness."wow! lovely similie there- sent shudders down my spine.

"Maybe because they don't want to sound like insects or unhappy birds.- lol very funny ^_^ I like
3/23/2005 c1 Pont
Yesh, it's me, Pont. Hello! I have in the past suggested on ways I think you may improve your story, but some people have been upsetted by this so you don't want my suggestions, you can delete this review because it is anonymous! ^_^ If you don't mind my suggestions, if you want you can email me and tell me so, and I would review with a signed review. This is a great story! I love your names *gush* and the whole mystery and suspense thing is killing me! (duchess: she's never been very patient) (hey! get out of my review!) -anyhow- I love this so far. ... The following are -suggestions!- your story's awesome anyways, they're not really that big of a deal, and you -definitely- don't have to take any of it, but I thought I'd point some things out.Paragraph 4: 'but I didn't know it yet' if you are talking about the past, you might want to replace 'yet' with 'then'Paragraph 8: 'I loved him more than anything, my stepmother did not like me' in between 'anything' and 'my' you're making a subject change that's nonetheless related, (I used to do this a lot, but our english teacher is literally pounding grammar rules into our heads and getting all excited about the ACT *rub head*) but a semicolon (;) might be more suited for this. Just a suggestion.Paragraph 24: I love your descriptions. Very well done *pat on back* ^_^Paragraph 30: 'how he knew my name, all those' I think this comma would do well as a semicolon too. It's fine the way it is though ^_^ Malhareina is so cute. Paragraph 42: A period after 'this world,' and before 'you malhareina, daughter of Latalhenreina' (which by the way is an AWESOME name) might make a better impact. *shrugs* Ionno, you can read over it and make your judgment. I'm just a poor brain-starved junior keyboard-slave ^_^Paragraph 51: Usually when someone else speaks in the same paragraph as another speaker (did that make sense? *scratch head*) you separate them into different paragraphs. I -really- need to stop listening to Ms. Hoff's lectures *groan* Jon's cool! Paragraph 55: 'his eyes just about bulged from his head, the way a goldfishes do when they are about to die' *cracks up* (sadly, my fish do that twice a day. Idiots seem to think they can live outside of the fish tank. *looks over at tank* dear gods they're at it again. Get back in that tank you idiots! On the double! (Pont's mom: uh honey? You're talking to the fish again...)) That is such a -great- analogy. *laughing*2nd paragraph from the bottom (I lost count from the top :P): 'help us ward of the Tamed Magic.' Do you mean 'ward off'? Wittle confusing.Prunista! *cracks up* that gives me such a precious mental picture! *falls over laughing* Youar names are so well-suited to your characters. I'm really impressed.Wow! Great story! I'm loving this. Very involving, nicely done *pat on back* Keep up the good work!~Pont
3/22/2005 c14 11Cloud Burst
confusing, lol, no wonder, for the chapter is titled confusion. this is starting to take on a dark twist to it, i like itu really should lengthen ur chaptersgj
3/20/2005 c14 14method acting
very confusing but VERY good! keep writing

!:-)
3/19/2005 c14 8bulletproof.cupid
Loads of confusion going on. So her dreams might actually be reality huh? Pretty complicated stuff. The author has to keep a good track at what's going on in case she, meaning you, get's confused. Good stuff you've got here!

I just have one bit of constructive criticism, could you make things a bit clearer. I mean you're the author and you know what's going on but we as readers don't. Please try and make things a bit more clearer. She starts laughing for absolutely no reason. Could you give us a clue as to what's going on in her head at that moment in time? Then she's signing execution papers... so has she given in to evil? Dreaming about blood and such...

Update soon! Very well written and good job =)

~Bubblegum
3/19/2005 c13 bulletproof.cupid
Hmm first you say the fey was a guy ((He was fey, for his coloring was light olive, with fair hair the color of golden corn.)) and then you make the impression that it's a girl later on ((I knew the language that she spoke as well, and it frightened me. AND Her voice was light and cheery, but I saw coldness in her dark eyes.)) Perhaps you can correct that? Or if I'm mistaken explain it to me.

So they are calling her to evil and destruction? Kinda like LOTR with the ring and it's temptations for power for destruction and doom.

On to the next chapter. Very well done,

~Bubblegum
2/18/2005 c12 bulletproof.cupid
Hmm I'm confuzzled. Come back tomorrow? LOL Wornder what'll happen in there thought. the trees seems really amusing ^_^ Update soon, adios!
2/11/2005 c12 11Cloud Burst
trees = ents? lol, just wondering...u should lengthen ur chapters , but aside from that, it was good

update!
1/21/2005 c10 Cloud Burst
gets even more mysterious.. men popping up unexpectidly, visions, names... aiara... nice chapter - plz update!
1/8/2005 c10 8bulletproof.cupid
Yay! I've been reading this for ages and I can finally review... and also 'cause you removed the whole anonymous-person-can't-review thing. Anyways, this chapter was short but very informative nonetheless. This fic is very interesting BTW ^_^ Update soon, l8er...
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