for Seer in the Shadows11/22/2004 c1 
7Moonlight Silver Wolf
Cool start to a story. Very interesting plot. it should be neat to see how things turn out.
7Moonlight Silver WolfCool start to a story. Very interesting plot. it should be neat to see how things turn out.
11/15/2004 c4 Poppy Pyres
" which I had never before heard. It was hard, like the rasp of a rusted long sword being drawn from a scabbard, and cold as the icebergs of the northern shore."
nice similie there
looking forward to next chapter
try to develop your characters more- i know it is hard
peace!
" which I had never before heard. It was hard, like the rasp of a rusted long sword being drawn from a scabbard, and cold as the icebergs of the northern shore."
nice similie there
looking forward to next chapter
try to develop your characters more- i know it is hard
peace!
11/15/2004 c3 Poppy Pyres
"Forth they fared at last wave.No no," I whispered suddenly, "that's moment. So forth at last moment they come.Forth they fared at .FATED, that's it!"
watch the spacing in this sentence
"my fingers tips."
my finger tips
"Forth they fared at last wave.No no," I whispered suddenly, "that's moment. So forth at last moment they come.Forth they fared at .FATED, that's it!"
watch the spacing in this sentence
"my fingers tips."
my finger tips
11/15/2004 c1 Poppy Pyres
have i reviewed you before?
Beware! I am a grammar Nazi :) Actually I am not that mean, just honest. But because I pick faults with your story, does not mean that your story is bad, it means that it is worth me taking the trouble to pick 100 minor faults, i.e your story is GOOD!
Watch your spacing, maybe you should leave a line before and after the asterisk line (hopefully that made sense)
"ignored until I voice "
i heard a voice maybe? damn typos :)
"youngling, for you to can "
you to~ should be you too :)
"is this your home? If"
should be "Is this your home?"
"to be the purple color of rotten ashberries," very nice description there :)
be sure of a reaction~ maybe it would be clearer to say be sure of his reaction?
some of the sentences at the very beginning are maybe a little bit TOO long, and can verge on the unclear.
"Jon hm? When did he arrive?" I would place a comma after Jon.
"like icy liquid steel and a burning magma together," wow! nice similie!
And the title of your chapter- you spelt it Phropesier- should be prophesier :)
Thanks for the good story
have i reviewed you before?
Beware! I am a grammar Nazi :) Actually I am not that mean, just honest. But because I pick faults with your story, does not mean that your story is bad, it means that it is worth me taking the trouble to pick 100 minor faults, i.e your story is GOOD!
Watch your spacing, maybe you should leave a line before and after the asterisk line (hopefully that made sense)
"ignored until I voice "
i heard a voice maybe? damn typos :)
"youngling, for you to can "
you to~ should be you too :)
"is this your home? If"
should be "Is this your home?"
"to be the purple color of rotten ashberries," very nice description there :)
be sure of a reaction~ maybe it would be clearer to say be sure of his reaction?
some of the sentences at the very beginning are maybe a little bit TOO long, and can verge on the unclear.
"Jon hm? When did he arrive?" I would place a comma after Jon.
"like icy liquid steel and a burning magma together," wow! nice similie!
And the title of your chapter- you spelt it Phropesier- should be prophesier :)
Thanks for the good story
11/14/2004 c8 11Cloud Burst
that woman, allyrine is sure strange.. o.o maybe she has something to do with malhariena's nightmares ... hm.. kool chapters! update soon! =)
11Cloud Burstthat woman, allyrine is sure strange.. o.o maybe she has something to do with malhariena's nightmares ... hm.. kool chapters! update soon! =)
11/6/2004 c5 Cloud Burst
'forth at fated moment come unchained come' hm interesting line, makes it sound like that woman just cursed them, lol
i like how u ended this chapter ^^
UPDATE!
'forth at fated moment come unchained come' hm interesting line, makes it sound like that woman just cursed them, lol
i like how u ended this chapter ^^
UPDATE!
11/6/2004 c4 Cloud Burst
o verryy intriguing chapter! i wonder who that woman/girl? is... nice chapter!
o verryy intriguing chapter! i wonder who that woman/girl? is... nice chapter!
11/4/2004 c3 5Tullia
Love the story. Nice names and a great plot! Cant wait for more, and thanks for the review.
5TulliaLove the story. Nice names and a great plot! Cant wait for more, and thanks for the review.
9/1/2004 c2 Cloud Burst
o, great chapter! (Malhariena and Jon sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g) lol, i just had to say that! :P jon sounds amazing, with his deep saphire eyes... wow.. anyways, keep writing!
o, great chapter! (Malhariena and Jon sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g) lol, i just had to say that! :P jon sounds amazing, with his deep saphire eyes... wow.. anyways, keep writing!
8/26/2004 c1 12Rennrat
Excellent conceapt just the sort of story i like! in fact i think ill be adding you to my favoriet authors list. Constructive critism: only complaint i got is a sort of...choppy? if thats a good word, format in the detail development. You can tell that some part were a lot clearer in your head and otheres were just quickly written to connect the better developed parts of the story. You might want to try to liven up the middle sections. few minor spelling/ gramar error but i cant camplain cuz i SUCK at that. i'll be waiting for more
12RennratExcellent conceapt just the sort of story i like! in fact i think ill be adding you to my favoriet authors list. Constructive critism: only complaint i got is a sort of...choppy? if thats a good word, format in the detail development. You can tell that some part were a lot clearer in your head and otheres were just quickly written to connect the better developed parts of the story. You might want to try to liven up the middle sections. few minor spelling/ gramar error but i cant camplain cuz i SUCK at that. i'll be waiting for more