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4/5/2006 c2 13Shadowhound
interesting story so far. is the world you are describing Earth or some figment of your imagination? if the latter, i recomend you try to stay away from Christianity. religion is fine, just don't create an unknown world and put an Earthly religion in it. if the world IS Earth, then never mind then.

again, good story so far. i hope to see more soon.

Shadowhound
4/5/2006 c1 Shadowhound
wow. the end is surprising. i liked it for the most part, but i don't see why you had to add demons to the mix. it doesn't seem to fit in with the flow of the story and sticks out. that was my only major complaint. on to the next chapter.

Shadowhound
8/26/2004 c1 15Yamagata
First off, the name is terrible.
You have good langauge, and I liked the metaphors in it relating to medievil culture, but the story went at such a blinding speed, if one was to miss a paragraph, they'd probably be lost. ADD DETAIL! There are so many good scenes, but you plow right through them, take some time to add some colour to your world. Explain what it felt like to become a shadow. Explain the country, sociologicaly, geologicaly, and try and weave together a culture. All the best Fantasy books have a highly detailed, realized world where the plot takes place in. The world is the star of fantasy.
You've got storng names of places and characters, I like that, I've always found strong names that don't get annoying when repeated are key for any story, and the sky's the limit for fantasy names. Good job on that, it's tough, making names. ^^
Your dialogue needs work, seriousl, the whole "bestest" thing for kiddy talk is way over used.
Try anf clump your lines together, you know, like, paragraphs. ^^;
But the biggest thing of all is the absence of the whole "beauty" thing. It had it right at the beginning, but then you moved on to a whole angst thing, which is cool, but the beauty idea is so much better. It's a wonderful idea. try and focus more on the beauty aspect of the culture, adding philosophy to a story is always nice, and your take on how beauty is percieved isn't just original, but opens up many possibilities. Cool.
Keep on working on this, i'm gooing to add you to my fave author's list just to check up on the newer installments of this series.
Keep on shugg'n.

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