for Pain12/28/2004 c1 
35Genine
Ooh, I like this. It's really really cool. And you're right. "Pain is promised to those/That let them take over"NICE!Genine**
35GenineOoh, I like this. It's really really cool. And you're right. "Pain is promised to those/That let them take over"NICE!Genine**
11/1/2004 c1 13sunscraped
It was all right. A little choppy with the rhythm, but it takes practice to get it right… One thing I’ve noticed: It’s probably not a good idea to have a period at the end of a stanza unless it is the end of the poem… And every line of the stanzas.
“With it's blackness” Um… blackness is used (at least by me) to describe a black person’s ebonics.
“In untamed happiness” I think untainted would be better word choice here…
Other than that, pretty good. I like the capitalization of Pain.
Oh, and thanks for the review.
~!
13sunscrapedIt was all right. A little choppy with the rhythm, but it takes practice to get it right… One thing I’ve noticed: It’s probably not a good idea to have a period at the end of a stanza unless it is the end of the poem… And every line of the stanzas.
“With it's blackness” Um… blackness is used (at least by me) to describe a black person’s ebonics.
“In untamed happiness” I think untainted would be better word choice here…
Other than that, pretty good. I like the capitalization of Pain.
Oh, and thanks for the review.
~!
10/6/2004 c1 26firehair-222
soem of the reviews you got are kinda scary.
this poem has many truths in it. well written. good job
-firehair
26firehair-222soem of the reviews you got are kinda scary.
this poem has many truths in it. well written. good job
-firehair
8/28/2004 c1 egwshrgfdf
Hmm, simple but good! Nice work there! A tad depressing, but still a good one. (Hey, we need depression every once in a while, right?)
Keep writing!
Hmm, simple but good! Nice work there! A tad depressing, but still a good one. (Hey, we need depression every once in a while, right?)
Keep writing!
8/27/2004 c1 Modern Poet
Very strong and insightful. Great work!
Very strong and insightful. Great work!
8/27/2004 c1 Brandy Bear
very nice I really like this and me being mature I’m going to ignore YOUR sad attempt to insult me. "Learn how to spell" ya thats a very mature good job
BrandyBear
very nice I really like this and me being mature I’m going to ignore YOUR sad attempt to insult me. "Learn how to spell" ya thats a very mature good job
BrandyBear
8/27/2004 c1 17Kinna
Interesting, and very good for writing it in such little time.
(I'm not the best at reviewing, but at least I try.)
Oh, and did you mean for for the word pain in the line "Why must Pain" be capitalized... Just wondering.
Again, interesting poem.
17KinnaInteresting, and very good for writing it in such little time.
(I'm not the best at reviewing, but at least I try.)
Oh, and did you mean for for the word pain in the line "Why must Pain" be capitalized... Just wondering.
Again, interesting poem.
8/27/2004 c1 5Blackout the Swordsman
A little confusing, but not bad. Now for my rant- how do you recommend we fix this problem?
5Blackout the SwordsmanA little confusing, but not bad. Now for my rant- how do you recommend we fix this problem?
8/27/2004 c1 NeuroticGothicLolitaDeathDolly
Thank you for reviewing my poem "Succubus". I am always flattered when someone I don't know takes the time to review my work.
I like this piece. Pain is yummy, and I don't mean that in a mopey goth/emo way. I like pain. I like corruption. This poem was truly nice.
Tokiko
Thank you for reviewing my poem "Succubus". I am always flattered when someone I don't know takes the time to review my work.
I like this piece. Pain is yummy, and I don't mean that in a mopey goth/emo way. I like pain. I like corruption. This poem was truly nice.
Tokiko