for The Tale of Beautiful Tense1/2/2005 c1 Gypsy with a Tambourine
Mm, very cool. I love the way some words repeat themselves, almost like stuttering, but a little more poetic. ^_^ It really is calming. I think I like the second verse the best, and the end. Hope to see more like this. -elfie
Mm, very cool. I love the way some words repeat themselves, almost like stuttering, but a little more poetic. ^_^ It really is calming. I think I like the second verse the best, and the end. Hope to see more like this. -elfie
12/13/2004 c1 
53Lidless Eye
Specific... really cool. I especially liked the images in my head as I read this, it seemed to make me feel calmer. I like the name, too. Nice job on the name and the poem. =)
~Lidless Eye
53Lidless EyeSpecific... really cool. I especially liked the images in my head as I read this, it seemed to make me feel calmer. I like the name, too. Nice job on the name and the poem. =)
~Lidless Eye
9/20/2004 c1 56AsianScaper
Somehow, I got the impression that the poem's persona was choking on his/her own words, sobbing. I know of a similar poem by Black Tangled Heart called 'She'. I adore the effect. I especially liked the following lines "I took a breath this after noon. / My first since my heart's abrupt return" and "And I wondered this evening If I could afford, / afford a flawless sunset." Also, of Death robbing the persona of his/her weekly income, implying of course that the persona cannot live without the said object of affection. There's a lag in between lines, pauses for reflection, to catch one's breath in as though trying to cope with pain.
This is a wonderful piece of poetry. I hope you write more of the like. I love it!
Just a note, fourth stanza, fifth line "...is diminishing,". Is it "its diminishing"? :) Just trying to be helpful, is all. Good luck in all your writing!
56AsianScaperSomehow, I got the impression that the poem's persona was choking on his/her own words, sobbing. I know of a similar poem by Black Tangled Heart called 'She'. I adore the effect. I especially liked the following lines "I took a breath this after noon. / My first since my heart's abrupt return" and "And I wondered this evening If I could afford, / afford a flawless sunset." Also, of Death robbing the persona of his/her weekly income, implying of course that the persona cannot live without the said object of affection. There's a lag in between lines, pauses for reflection, to catch one's breath in as though trying to cope with pain.
This is a wonderful piece of poetry. I hope you write more of the like. I love it!
Just a note, fourth stanza, fifth line "...is diminishing,". Is it "its diminishing"? :) Just trying to be helpful, is all. Good luck in all your writing!
9/17/2004 c1 8glitterjewele
. . . 0_0 . . .
*stares drop-jawed and stunned, somehow accutely aware of her heart beating*
wow. wow in the highest degree of wow. this is so . . . dramatically different from your usual style, but it's so freaking GOOD. like, i swear to you, it made me *breathe* differently while i was reading it. it was the repeating segments and unnatural pauses ~ caught me *completely* off guard.
now, about the first line: the chocolate donut with chocolate, chocolate sprinkles. now, being me, i didn't take the precaution of reading the genre of the poem before reading the poem itself, and that struck a *funny* note with me, which i thought you might possibly want to know about. ALTHOUGH, it must be pointed out that this had the uncalculated and unforseen effect of shocking me more profoundly, when it got all deep and stuff.
but yes, anyway, back to the profuse praise that is your due . . . the way you ended this was nothing short of *heartstopping*. time-stopping as well, i might add, one of those instances where everything constricts and freezes into a single utterly tragic moment. definitely felt a great deal of sympathy go out to the speaker throughout, but especially at the end. it's just . . . so . . . torturously and delectably painful.
once again your brilliance leaves me baffled, amazed, and inspired. (seriously, this would make such a phenomenal short story.) beautiful work chica, i stand (yet again) very impressed. *unstoppable applause ensues*
8glitterjewele. . . 0_0 . . .
*stares drop-jawed and stunned, somehow accutely aware of her heart beating*
wow. wow in the highest degree of wow. this is so . . . dramatically different from your usual style, but it's so freaking GOOD. like, i swear to you, it made me *breathe* differently while i was reading it. it was the repeating segments and unnatural pauses ~ caught me *completely* off guard.
now, about the first line: the chocolate donut with chocolate, chocolate sprinkles. now, being me, i didn't take the precaution of reading the genre of the poem before reading the poem itself, and that struck a *funny* note with me, which i thought you might possibly want to know about. ALTHOUGH, it must be pointed out that this had the uncalculated and unforseen effect of shocking me more profoundly, when it got all deep and stuff.
but yes, anyway, back to the profuse praise that is your due . . . the way you ended this was nothing short of *heartstopping*. time-stopping as well, i might add, one of those instances where everything constricts and freezes into a single utterly tragic moment. definitely felt a great deal of sympathy go out to the speaker throughout, but especially at the end. it's just . . . so . . . torturously and delectably painful.
once again your brilliance leaves me baffled, amazed, and inspired. (seriously, this would make such a phenomenal short story.) beautiful work chica, i stand (yet again) very impressed. *unstoppable applause ensues*
9/13/2004 c1 12345678912356789deletedelete
Wow this is going on my favs...Thank you for posting it ;-)
but honestly, this is amazing. The style of it is so, different, fresh, and original.
I like it basically
Wow this is going on my favs...Thank you for posting it ;-)
but honestly, this is amazing. The style of it is so, different, fresh, and original.
I like it basically
9/5/2004 c1 Artemis Astralstar
firstly, *tackles* ^^
secondly, Monty Python!
thirdly, *reads*
well, the title grabs me completely. I'm confused, and want to understand the reference.
~
first line.. hmm. Not a poetic as some of your work. *continues* ooh, stars. *bounces*
Aw, he/she/it died. *pats*
interesting second verse...
~
o, pretty third verse. I do like the disjointed-ness of the images.
*reads rest*
~
Very pretty. I feel confused, but yet it makes complete sense. the repeating of phrases really works to show the person's feelings. The third andfourth verses are definitely my favourites, however you effectively weave in the banal with the pretty.
Nice work. *applauds* very different.
firstly, *tackles* ^^
secondly, Monty Python!
thirdly, *reads*
well, the title grabs me completely. I'm confused, and want to understand the reference.
~
first line.. hmm. Not a poetic as some of your work. *continues* ooh, stars. *bounces*
Aw, he/she/it died. *pats*
interesting second verse...
~
o, pretty third verse. I do like the disjointed-ness of the images.
*reads rest*
~
Very pretty. I feel confused, but yet it makes complete sense. the repeating of phrases really works to show the person's feelings. The third andfourth verses are definitely my favourites, however you effectively weave in the banal with the pretty.
Nice work. *applauds* very different.
9/5/2004 c1 acccountkiller
WOW! Omg chica...yes this is completely different, the writing style is one I've not seen before and the imagery is so gorgeous! "I’d invested all my stars within
the bank account in your eyes" that's so beautiful! I'm mind-blown! This is going on my faves so magic! You portray a heart-break like no one else ever has...amazing! Simply stunning...I've nothing to say...wowness! Love, Mia
WOW! Omg chica...yes this is completely different, the writing style is one I've not seen before and the imagery is so gorgeous! "I’d invested all my stars within
the bank account in your eyes" that's so beautiful! I'm mind-blown! This is going on my faves so magic! You portray a heart-break like no one else ever has...amazing! Simply stunning...I've nothing to say...wowness! Love, Mia