Just In
for The Fight

6/21/2005 c1 30Weeba
This, again, has a good sense of pacing and of timing, and the wording is pretty good. You still have the comma splices, but I already mentioned those in my other review. My only other comment would be on one tiny sentence, but I just thought I'd mention it: when I saw, "I heard a twig snap and that was the most obvious sign that you were being followed", I kind of thought "well, duh". I mean, you say yourself that it's obvious. So I think it'd be a good idea if you took out the second part of that sentence and left it "I heard a twig snap". Let the reader figure out what's going on a little bit. Trust us! We're smart!

12/2/2004 c1 16Pico the Great
That could go somewhere. However, there are, I must inform you, mulitple grammar errors. It was interesting to read, but...this person can dodge crossbow bolts? That's INSANE! THis, I assume, is to do w/ the amulet, so I hope this has a follow-up.Kudos!-PTG
9/16/2004 c1 10Quid
Huh? What does the amulet thingy have to do with it? That was all foot work and stuff. And s/he got hit anyways. And they were trying to take stuff from the person? ? Well its good fight scene just confusing.
9/7/2004 c1 8MicStalker
Cool that was actiony! It should have been a little longer with a little bit more detail. I don't understand was that woman just passing by and he stabbed her. If he was bulky and huge and a killer would he really be crying over the knife in his leg. But it was an awesome... skit. You ought to check out my Ninja skits, there like that. Keep up the work and make it longer. Feel free to email me at
9/6/2004 c1 Thinkerbelle
great story so far. title may need work, thohugh. u never want a title that tells what the story's about. cant wait till u finfish it.

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