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for Past Life Hotel

3/12/2006 c3 atreyu love
how can she not want to die? i thought that he told her she was dead? huh? confusing.. but okay.. please update :)
7/2/2005 c3 25ariel25
This is a very good idea. It's very creative. I like the idea of a hotel in the afterlife. sort of like limbo.
3/31/2005 c3 2Rebel Rose
It's an okay story... rather short chapters. ~Sarah~
12/7/2004 c2 33Tasiha
Hm... interesting story here. The idea behind it seems fascinating, but a few things to watch out for.

Especially in the first chapter, you switch your tenses a great deal. You have past, future, and progressive tenses all mumbled together. It really confuses the reader, so try to avoid that.

Also, you use three or four lines to set up your entire story... how depressed she is, the things that are wrong in her life, and the fact that she died. Brevity's a good thing but I'd really, really like to see more description. Instead of having her babble about what's going wrong in the world, show her relationships; describe her going through a day with her parents, or remembering when she found out they were going to get divorced. Try to show, not tell. I can't really see your scene in my mind and I'm supposed to be able to; it needs to be more vivid.

The death scene itself also needs to be vamped up quite a bit. This is the whole point to the novel, right? that she was in a car accident. Describe it so well that the reader is THERE, so that the reader can see everything she sees and feel everything she feels. Draw the reader in.


9/6/2004 c1 1Ckashid
This isn't bad if you're as new to writing as you say you are. What I think really shines about this story is the plot (what you mentioned in the summery). I can't wait for you to start posting Nia in the hotel. But you could have drawn thingas out a little close to the end. I know it was probably the easiest, but whoever this messenger guy is, I don't think that he would just SAY Nia was in the Land of the Dead. He must have an idea of what her reaction would have been.

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