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for One Too Many Times

1/27/2005 c1 4Hirikushu
Sexy and spooky at the same time. Vey nice man.-The Big H
11/5/2004 c1 56Stormbringer
Beautiful. I loved it.
10/23/2004 c1 14Dirty Wallpaper
Ohh, very nice. You had some lovely images in there like "ghostly arms" and "charm in my eyes". Though, my fav part would have to be the incredibly telling and original line:
"A sickening secret snakes across my lips" - 'twas great, so representative.
I also liked the way you repeated the concept of "one too many" at the end of each stanza, it was very effective in drilling the theme into ones mind, and also quite emotional.
Very nice work, kudos!
`
P:S - thanks muchly for the review (i would've reviewed back, even if you hadn't asked btw) damn those Australians! Hehe. And yeah, i was kind of going for a selfish voice. The underlying story of the poem was a man murdering his love, looking at her in her coffin and thinking. So selfish? Yes. Psychotic? Totally.
10/23/2004 c1 28child's play
This is what I might call a 'pretty' piece. It's very flowery, with lots of imagery (not in a bad way, of course). Despite all the imagery etc, you've still managed to keep it sincere sounding. Great work! I liked the alliteration in 'snickening secret snakes', especially because of the hissy sound.
You have the ability to condense so much into so little, yet keep it from sounding shallow.
-child's play
9/8/2004 c1 292Fabian Cortez
An interesting and engrossing portrayal of this theme. I wrote a similar (albeit from a different angle) piece entitled "The Guest", you're welcome to check it out if you like.
Well Done
Keep Writing!
F.C

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