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9/16/2004 c1 85grim-dreamer
This is an unusual piece of work. It flowed well. There were rhymes and half-rhymes during the narrative. And the way some of the words were positioned in lines. And the tentative feeling expressed... I'm very impressed.
9/16/2004 c1 6Raphael di Buonarroti
This is a good plot. But it needs fleshing out. What sort of things did his mam do? Who IS this Wayne, you need to tell us more about the character.
Is this a letter your main character is writting? Or a diary, or a phone convo?
Make it longer and you'll get a better mark.
You need detail, you've got the bare bones but you need to work on your descriptive skills, because at the moment there is none.

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