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6/23/2005 c1 32pointythings
This has some really lovely lines in it, and some nice detailing. Some of this simply shines, but a lot of it is dull. Especially in the beginning, you tend to simply state facts, with no figurative language and no imagery. And some of it is so good, so its a shame to have some of it be dull. Some of it is really sweet.Yours in writing,~pointythings~P.S. I am American; what is a Curly-Wurly?
9/28/2004 c1 82Linnet
It's great to see you posting again! I love this...a truly beautiful message.
-Linnet
9/23/2004 c1 2philoslove
Of course, again, I loved the description of the sunset. I liked the way you wrote of your thoughts. It all seemed very personal, and you really brought it out to the reader, as if I was standing in your shoes, watching the sunset. I liked the events that happen in this, and how it all added up to, in your eyes. It all seemed so lovely and very inspiring. The listing done at the bottom of what the persona would do intensified the determination and the happiness she had seemed to find, well, or rather, you. I liked the pink hearts in the twilight too. I felt it was allso personal, so close to me... Wonderful wonderful wonderful work...!

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