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9/16/2007 c22 Zouka
Fifty soldiers eh? Well, it's happened in other stories, so I won't say too much... It was kinda' absurd to put Ryo up against that many, but maybe 10 or 15 soldiers, maybe that would have been more suitable? I dunno', but you did good all the same! Instead of taking a long time and drawing out the battle with a list of details, you instead fast-tracked the whole ordeal with explaining that he simply didn't remember much of the situation. That, Din, worked out nicely! So, Ryo gets "Statim Mortuus Poisoning" and Kei ends up bleeding out the poison and saving his life! I'd say he owes her dinner and a movie, eh? Anyhoo, I think Kei should have stayed put and let Ryo handle the situation, but it still worked out fine all the same! Kei's proving to be a very valuable asset to Ryo, and again, I know she's VASTLY important, so, keep it up Din! I liked this chapter, kinda' short, but good nonetheless! OK, I'm going to sleep now, so you'll have to wait until after work for some new reviews! Sayonara for now...
9/16/2007 c21 Zouka
OK, Ryo trains Kei, but you better make the training last longer, continue through the story! Remember Din, people do not, even Shadow Demons, learn THAT quickly! So, Ryo fights Dain and is the winner of their scuffle... NICE! I like how Dain was surprised at Ryos' increase in skill! So, is Dain a shapeshifter or does he just know some sort of spell? I'm just wondering because you've had him disguise himself more than once already and if he WAS a shapeshifter, that would ROCK ALL! Anyway, I like how you used the stealing of the horse as a way to tie the soliers into the next set of events! The fight was necessary, as Ryo prefers to kill and just as well, Kei lends a hand, so, it worked out very nicely! I can't wait to see where chapter 22 takes them! Keep it up din! ^_^
9/16/2007 c20 Zouka
SEE? I KNEW some shit was gonna' go down! Fucking Dain *Shakes his head*, WHY must you be a pain in Ryo's ass? . I liked this chapter, another short one, but it was still good! Let's see where Kei is now... *Wanders off*
9/15/2007 c19 Zouka
GREAT CHAPTER, SERIOUSLY! This chapter, Din, by FAR, has the BEST dialogue! Kei was flirting with Ryo the WHOLE time! Maybe you didn't do it intentionally, I think it was a subconscious thing, but it was really cute and fun to read that part! I had a smile on my face during the WHOLE conversation! So, Ryo's a leper eh, and they're brother and sister who're going to MARRY each other? Seriously, I'm only squeemish with certain things Din, but N-A-S-T-Y! That's some redneck shit right there! *Shudders* A VERY good chapter Din, I liked this one a LOT, keep it up as I can't WAIT to see where Ryo and Keis relationship takes them! I already KNOW where, but I'm finally THERE, at the beginning of it! YAY FOR RYO AND KEI!
9/15/2007 c18 Zouka
OK, NOW it gets interesting, Kei is FINALLY in the story, NICE! So, Dain and Ryo at the bar... AWKWARD! I REALLY wasn't sure WHAT was going on, but I know something is up! I also don't like how CIVIL they were towards each other Din. Dain, as we ALL KNOW, killed Ryos aunt and uncle and Ryo just TOLERATES him this time? WTF? Also, Dain approaches Ryo as a prostitute, funny, that! ^_^ That part made me laugh, ESPECIALLY their conversation! I don't like how Death just GIVES Ryo Kaze, that's WEAK Din, I expected BETTER! . Anyway, this chapter was done very well, and I'm noticing that your wording is becoming less clumsy at this point in the story! I'm liking what I'm reading more and more, so, keep it up! Onto chapter 19...
9/15/2007 c17 Zouka
Nice, the tournament's over, again, we talked about it and I'm sure you'll change a few things, but it was STILL good Din! As SOON as I read the name Oyasuminashi, I knew who it was, we've talked about her WAY too much for me to NOT have known right then! ^_^ I'm starting to notice (truth be told, I noticed this a WHILE back!) that you use the verb hissed too much, I mean, really, TOO much Din! It's starting to get repetitive and you HAVE to start using OTHER words to describe anger in your characters voices! As for Minashi being able to manipulate shadows... Well, there's Ryo, and I know his are innate abilities, but I HOPE you explain why Minashi has this ability too, either through magic, or learning it. Honestly, it doesn't matter TOO much eventhough it's kinda' weird how they BOTH posess this UNIQUE ability Din! I like how you threw in that the crowd sees Ryos face and they end up coming after him for the previous murders his other half comitted in the past! A short chapter, but good nonetheless! I'm off to chapter 18 now...
9/13/2007 c16 Zouka
OK, Ryo's "techniques" are badass, but a LITTLE too much... Blending into the shadows, without ever having done it before? The technique ITSELF, Din, isn't that bad at all, but the idea that he MASTERED it in NO TIME WHATSOEVER? I can't deal with that... It's rediculous, I DO, however, applaud your describing the battles, you did a decent job, not that bad!

Also, singing, uh, that's just something that RUINED the fight Din! You SHOULD have had him simply talking or taunting the fighter! The tournament should have been lengthened, lasting a few days, instead of one! Throwing in some incidents or random happening between fights and such would make it better, it would give the reader something to look forward to, NOT that the chapter's bad Din, not at ALL! OK, so, your skills at depicting melee combat and use of offensive/ shadow magic is KINDA' wonky (wonky?), but I'd say that it was well worth reading! The first chapter to REALLY show some action, and I liked it a LOT Din! Keep it up, I'll review some more tomorrow... I'm going to sleep!
9/10/2007 c15 Zouka
Well, at LEAST she was hot, NICE! *Clears his throat* Um, uh... BAD RYO, YOU GO TELL HER YOUR SORRY AND ACT LIKE A MAN! *Shaking his finger* Ah, well, yeah, that was pretty good how you threw in a good ol' midnight tryst, kinda' mixed things up Din, I liked that! You got to see the more adult side of Ryo! Kiesha sounds like a nice girl, WANTON, but nice none-the-less! It's kind of RESFRESHING to see that you're open to throwing in a situation or two where a character is faced with a serious issue, it shows groth and maturity as a writer, I'm PINING for that from you! ^_^ Anyway, Ryo learns MULTIPLE styles in a few MONTHS? I KNOW we already talked about that, but it's just CAMPY how he did so that quickly! I liked the mentioning of how all the other fighters are larger and more muscular than he is, it's funny and shows contrast, bland, but still, a good effort! A good chapter Din, I can't wait to read about the tournament itself tomorrow! So, with that, I'll leave you to your review of my review, later Din!
9/9/2007 c14 Zouka
NICE! Sword two down, one to go... God, this story feels like a Zelda game, getting all the amulets, or finding all the something or others! Ayame sounds H-A-W-T, I wanna' draw her now, I think I WILL! I'm PRETTY sure there's s picture of her on your page, but I have an idea I'll go with... ANYHOO, it sucks that Ryo's aunt and uncle are dead, poor guy! I'm glad that you FINALLY reveal what the prophecy ACTUALLY says and it's good, but some of it is kind of awkward. As for him stabbing himself, seppuku? The fight between Ryo and Dain was EXPECTED, I KNEW he was a DOUCHEBAG, but I still think he's cool! Also, the fight lasted for HOURS? Din, even in an ANIME, that doesn't happen, you need to start using more... REALISTIC timeframes, but, we ALREADY talked about this, so you're MORE than forgiven! ^_^ I like this part of the line from Dain: "I want to fight you when you are at your prime, Ryo-boy." VERY COOL Din, huzzah! Although, IN, rather than AT your prime is better, at sounds clumsy! Still, VERY good overall Din, you're getting better and better! It's getting to the point where I'm excited to read what's next, 'tis a good thing! So, there ya' go, my EDUCATION is rurthered (3 chapters worth, I make good on my promises, you know it!), for now... I'll read more soon, OK? Keep it up Din, I'm really starting to get into this now, which has GOT to surprise you SOMEWHAT knowing MY standpoint and tastes on fantasy literature! Sayonara!
9/9/2007 c13 Zouka
Dain DOES seem evil, doesn't he? Well, I REALLY liked this chapter Din! Again, though, the part where his aunt and uncle go on about the "prophecy", you're stumbling around it and you need to talk more ABOUT the prophecy, not describe it! So, Ryo has these feelings of mistrust about Dain, I can see why by the way you describe him! I like the long white hair and the violet cat-like eyes he has, and they way you write his lines, he DOES seem very sly, CLASSIC Din, very classic! MAJOR kudos go out to Dorin for the character and MAJOR kudos to you as well for putting him in there, I like him! Obviously, not knowing how SHE would have written him into the story, I'd say you did a DAMN good job Din! The part where Hiroshi smacks Ryo for his feelings about Dain... I think I can side with his uncle for getting angry with Ryo, but he should have at LEAST not been as HARSH! I'm looking forward to seeing where this goes, so now, on to chapter 14!
9/9/2007 c12 Zouka
OK, Ryo developes a love for music, that's cool Din! The conversation between Izzy and Ryo was KINDA' awkward... I KNOW IZZy's a dumb ass (I love him anyway!), but he should have had a more serious tone, not as threatening as what you made him say, but more... emotional, more angry! He should have questioned him more, he should have gotten almost violent towards Ryo! As for Ryo just up and leaving, uh, flying by the seat of your pants much here? So, Ryo stumbles upon, or, is stumbled upon by his uncle. OK, but out of NOWHERE, he invites Ryo to stay with him? OK, now, I can deal with that, but you should have included a longer, more drawn-out conversation before hand! Not the best, but NOT BAD EITHER Din, I likey, keep it up! Now I'm on to chapter 13...
9/6/2007 c11 Zouka
Din, I am SO sorry, but this part is kinda' GAY! That's it, nothing more, I'm NOT insulting YOU, but THIS part of the chapter! Seriously, we gotta' talk about this... You've pulled some DEFINATE don'ts here... Anyway, the way it ends, with the piano... Were you writing on a whim here, where's the imagination on this one? I'm perplexed, not the BEST you've written, probably your worst Din, sorry if I sound mean...
9/6/2007 c10 Zouka
Uh... Yeah... The prophecy you wrote about is some crazy shit, but, uh, WHAT? This is all happening WAY too fast Din! OK, Ryo's the reincarnation of Death, fine, but the reader finds this out ALREADY, this early? I dunno', you should have made this chapter longer, maybe explained more, or something... It was KINDA' annoying how you used every part of the katanas' name for his description. As for Hito having had this "hunch" all this time, what gives? Ah, well, I know you said you're deleting MOST of this part, but, I STILL reviewed it for ya'! All in all, it WAS good Din, don't think that just because I had a lot to complain about, that it sucked, it didn't! Now, I'll continue on to part 2...
9/6/2007 c9 Zouka
OK, Ryo's back, yay, but Hito's just FINE with HOW Erutis was killed? It WAS by accident... No annoyance in his voice, no thorough talking-to like a dad would do? What gives? Ah, well, Ryo got GOLD, which is marvelous! ^_^ Hito's a little too leniant with Ryo, I mean, he's an ASSASSIN, he ENDS LIVES! Hito should have punished him! So, yeah, Ryo's sad about Erutis still, can't balme him, but he got gold, again, marvelous, but I'd have been like, BITCH, you OWE me gold now! Ah well, Hito's a good guy, I like him. So, this Dominique has been past the Tao Mountains eh? Demis exist and they're uber powerful badasses and APPARENTLY there's impending DOOM to be experienced? I LIKEY! Bring the pain, bring the DOM! Good chapter Din, I liked this one a lot, the whole conversation about the Demis was well done! On to chapter 10 now...
9/5/2007 c1 SHORT FRI
ADJECTIVES, DIN, ADJECTIVES! I think you just need a little more decription about the scenary (not good at spelling) color, shape, stuff like that maybe? OH! by the way could u add me to the ryo fan club list on that one drawing? Thx a bunch! :D
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