for What the Future Holds4/28/2006 c27 GalevinFierre
Short chapter but a great capter nonetheless. i think all that needs to be said to sum up this chapter is "Ryo gets angry at his daddy and runs away...again." i laugh a bit thinking your authors moment is longer than the chapter itself but I digress. I think this chapter had the same problem as the one I commented before, that it ended before it truly started. I enjoyed it though and hope to see more of this branch off of the 'plot.'
Short chapter but a great capter nonetheless. i think all that needs to be said to sum up this chapter is "Ryo gets angry at his daddy and runs away...again." i laugh a bit thinking your authors moment is longer than the chapter itself but I digress. I think this chapter had the same problem as the one I commented before, that it ended before it truly started. I enjoyed it though and hope to see more of this branch off of the 'plot.'
4/23/2006 c26 Beth
*glares* ...I have no comment for you...you evil person you...You left me hanging with questions again! Gr...just keep being awesome and keep writing...and do it quick!
*glares* ...I have no comment for you...you evil person you...You left me hanging with questions again! Gr...just keep being awesome and keep writing...and do it quick!
4/22/2006 c26 GalevinFierre
OK. Good chapter. Very strange dream...the concept of someone dead telling me my future in a dream is kinda awkward but w/e. Still...Shades of FMA were apparent...but I also felt this chapter was over before it really started.
P.S Simple And Clean Was A Better Song
OK. Good chapter. Very strange dream...the concept of someone dead telling me my future in a dream is kinda awkward but w/e. Still...Shades of FMA were apparent...but I also felt this chapter was over before it really started.
P.S Simple And Clean Was A Better Song
4/22/2006 c26 Dorin
lol, ok, ok. First and foremost however:
This was your best chapter yet.
Seriously, I'm not just playing around with you, I really loved this one. It was interesting, well thought out, and kept me reading. :) I also thought that it all worked in very well with the story line that's going to happen around it.
Keep writing!
lol, ok, ok. First and foremost however:
This was your best chapter yet.
Seriously, I'm not just playing around with you, I really loved this one. It was interesting, well thought out, and kept me reading. :) I also thought that it all worked in very well with the story line that's going to happen around it.
Keep writing!
4/19/2006 c25 GalevinFierre
OK, Halloweentown? I know you said KH was going be an influence but you may not want to just outright steal from Tim Burton...I mean...he did do Corpse Bride and James and the Giant peach but I digress. It was a good chapter. One thing that bothered me though...if your story takes place in an 'alternate universe'...then why are famous plays in there? I mean, "Much Ado About Nothing"? Is like Shakespeare a demon now 0.o? Just a thought...
OK, Halloweentown? I know you said KH was going be an influence but you may not want to just outright steal from Tim Burton...I mean...he did do Corpse Bride and James and the Giant peach but I digress. It was a good chapter. One thing that bothered me though...if your story takes place in an 'alternate universe'...then why are famous plays in there? I mean, "Much Ado About Nothing"? Is like Shakespeare a demon now 0.o? Just a thought...
4/17/2006 c25 Beth
*growls* I cant believe you stopped there? WAHTS YOUR PROBLEM! Do you want me to die of want? HMM HMM? *pounces* You better hurry up and post because this story is to awesome to keep me waiting like this...
teehee
Your's Randomly,Beth
*growls* I cant believe you stopped there? WAHTS YOUR PROBLEM! Do you want me to die of want? HMM HMM? *pounces* You better hurry up and post because this story is to awesome to keep me waiting like this...
teehee
Your's Randomly,Beth
4/17/2006 c25 Dorin
Hm...not even I know what's coming? Interesting...lol.
Oh! One little note: since when was Kei so blood craving? hehe, I don't remember that happening in the rp...
I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
Hm...not even I know what's coming? Interesting...lol.
Oh! One little note: since when was Kei so blood craving? hehe, I don't remember that happening in the rp...
I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
4/4/2006 c24 GalevinFierre
Nice Chapter, as always,
The name for the town sounds italian though, I don't know maybe it does mean something, but in any event I believe that my original prediction of Kei and Ryo getting together sounds more and more likely. And as for the slavemaster? I would've done things differently...It would've been like 'Hey are those my swords?" "Yeah" Then BLAM! end of story. But I'm curious as to their trip to Damar, until next chapter.
Nice Chapter, as always,
The name for the town sounds italian though, I don't know maybe it does mean something, but in any event I believe that my original prediction of Kei and Ryo getting together sounds more and more likely. And as for the slavemaster? I would've done things differently...It would've been like 'Hey are those my swords?" "Yeah" Then BLAM! end of story. But I'm curious as to their trip to Damar, until next chapter.
4/3/2006 c24 Dorin
w00t! I gots me a theme song! Another song that I'd thought about for Ryo was 'runaway' by linkin park. *nodnod* I think that's the one I'm thinking of anyway...hmm...
anywho, another good chapter. It seemed to go by really quickly though...the only constructive critisism that I'd give would be to slow down a bit, I feel like you're rushing the story some now...add in some more emotion maybe...let the reader see what the characters are thinking. We got all of that in during the rp, but remember: none of these people were able to follow along the story as we were actually making it, so a lot of feeling put behind the original character dialogue isn't there anymore.
Otherwise, good job. :)
w00t! I gots me a theme song! Another song that I'd thought about for Ryo was 'runaway' by linkin park. *nodnod* I think that's the one I'm thinking of anyway...hmm...
anywho, another good chapter. It seemed to go by really quickly though...the only constructive critisism that I'd give would be to slow down a bit, I feel like you're rushing the story some now...add in some more emotion maybe...let the reader see what the characters are thinking. We got all of that in during the rp, but remember: none of these people were able to follow along the story as we were actually making it, so a lot of feeling put behind the original character dialogue isn't there anymore.
Otherwise, good job. :)
4/2/2006 c24 Beth
Awesome chapter! I can't wait to read about the festival! Its gonna be awesome! Keep up the awesome work!
Awesome chapter! I can't wait to read about the festival! Its gonna be awesome! Keep up the awesome work!
3/27/2006 c23 GalevinFierre
Nice chapter.
The food fight still makes me laugh...but if she had to cut Ryo and use his blood to buy the oranges...shouldn't they be more...I don't know...conservative with them? Just a thought. And fruit...is not candy... X.X whatever. I'm guessing that Ryo's going to have to use his shadow demon powers, which is good cause I don't think he's used them in a while.
Nice chapter.
The food fight still makes me laugh...but if she had to cut Ryo and use his blood to buy the oranges...shouldn't they be more...I don't know...conservative with them? Just a thought. And fruit...is not candy... X.X whatever. I'm guessing that Ryo's going to have to use his shadow demon powers, which is good cause I don't think he's used them in a while.
3/27/2006 c23 Beth
You know sometimes when Ryo goes like crazy and wants revenge payed in blood...its kinda hot, other times, like this, its kinda creepy...But that just makes the story even better! teehee can't wait for more, more from the precious story writer
*random*
You know sometimes when Ryo goes like crazy and wants revenge payed in blood...its kinda hot, other times, like this, its kinda creepy...But that just makes the story even better! teehee can't wait for more, more from the precious story writer
*random*
3/26/2006 c23 Dorin
lol, ok, ok, I'm reviewing! Very funny! :) And don't worry, I don't mind the leaving out the water scene part because it was a bit too cliche anyway. I mean, seriously, does she HAVE to get rescued by him all the time?
lol, I think I just kept on adding in more little perils to keep the rp going when we were first making everything up.
good chapter, I liked it. :) I'll be sure to send you an e-mail of what comes next first thing in the morning. I won't be able to remember much tonight when I'm half asleep already...
can't wait for the next chapter!
lol, ok, ok, I'm reviewing! Very funny! :) And don't worry, I don't mind the leaving out the water scene part because it was a bit too cliche anyway. I mean, seriously, does she HAVE to get rescued by him all the time?
lol, I think I just kept on adding in more little perils to keep the rp going when we were first making everything up.
good chapter, I liked it. :) I'll be sure to send you an e-mail of what comes next first thing in the morning. I won't be able to remember much tonight when I'm half asleep already...
can't wait for the next chapter!
3/21/2006 c22 Dorin
lol, there is one good thing about staying home sick-I get to read updates sooner!
can't wait for the next chapter!
:)
lol, there is one good thing about staying home sick-I get to read updates sooner!
can't wait for the next chapter!
:)
3/20/2006 c15 Roo
o_O Well, Kiesha is new. She wasn't in the story at camp, was she? Awesome writing, and man I wish I could learn as fast as a Shadow Demon. Definitely be good for my katas. XD I'd have so much more to say if I didn't already know what was going to happen.
o_O Well, Kiesha is new. She wasn't in the story at camp, was she? Awesome writing, and man I wish I could learn as fast as a Shadow Demon. Definitely be good for my katas. XD I'd have so much more to say if I didn't already know what was going to happen.