for Cold2/10/2008 c11 
5HeatherLee
wow you have to keep writing! i see that you havent updated in a while but i hope you havent forgotten about this story. i am very interested to see where the "romance" comes into play. really good job and good descriptions. keep going!
5HeatherLeewow you have to keep writing! i see that you havent updated in a while but i hope you havent forgotten about this story. i am very interested to see where the "romance" comes into play. really good job and good descriptions. keep going!
10/2/2006 c1 1MyNameIsMad
Good intro. "It felt like some great set of eyes was sweeping around, and nothing wanted to draw attention to itself." I love that line. It's suitably chilling for a story about vampires. Keep it up!
-Mad
1MyNameIsMadGood intro. "It felt like some great set of eyes was sweeping around, and nothing wanted to draw attention to itself." I love that line. It's suitably chilling for a story about vampires. Keep it up!
-Mad
8/10/2006 c1 57Xerophyte
I definately like the first chapter. Your style is good. The first chapter is a bit short...but that's ok. I hope I get a chance to read the rest of the chapters today. This is a good start.
One stylistic nitpick: In the first three sentences (which were excellent for setting the scene, by the way), you used the word 'it' a lot, which made them a bit confusing and difficult to read.
No grammar problems! Yay for another gramatically correct writer on FictionPress!
Great start
-Xero
57XerophyteI definately like the first chapter. Your style is good. The first chapter is a bit short...but that's ok. I hope I get a chance to read the rest of the chapters today. This is a good start.
One stylistic nitpick: In the first three sentences (which were excellent for setting the scene, by the way), you used the word 'it' a lot, which made them a bit confusing and difficult to read.
No grammar problems! Yay for another gramatically correct writer on FictionPress!
Great start
-Xero
4/20/2006 c11 13lyricist87
You gonna make her kill him? Or is this going to be a little longer. it wouldn't be very cool if it just ended there. I don't think so anyways.
But, just asking for the sake of asking.Nicole
13lyricist87You gonna make her kill him? Or is this going to be a little longer. it wouldn't be very cool if it just ended there. I don't think so anyways.
But, just asking for the sake of asking.Nicole
4/20/2006 c11 SummerBreeze83
Dante is a little jerk, isn't he? Yeesh! Poor Sheyenne...having that forced upon her. One question though..if she is a witch, in the beginning wouldn't she have noticed that something was wrong with him? Even that he was slightly weird? Or did I miss that part? I am so sorry if I did...But anywho! Really good story so far. Just becareful to make sure that each time the person speaking changes, that it gets a new paragraph. You did that once or twice. :) Bravo! ::throws confetti::
Dante is a little jerk, isn't he? Yeesh! Poor Sheyenne...having that forced upon her. One question though..if she is a witch, in the beginning wouldn't she have noticed that something was wrong with him? Even that he was slightly weird? Or did I miss that part? I am so sorry if I did...But anywho! Really good story so far. Just becareful to make sure that each time the person speaking changes, that it gets a new paragraph. You did that once or twice. :) Bravo! ::throws confetti::
4/17/2006 c10 A Beautiful Nightmare
Gah! Most of your chapters are so short, which means you need to update soon. Hehe... keep going!
Gah! Most of your chapters are so short, which means you need to update soon. Hehe... keep going!
4/17/2006 c10 lyricist87
Dam. He didn't waste any time did he.
He's offal. Morgana is in quite the perdicament. Well... It would be kinda cool if he got a taste of his own medecine. But then, it would be even more interesting if she killed him. Are you going to have them suddenly fall in love or something? That would be really strange. Like strange for even books and stories like this.
anyways, Souper cool and great. I hope that you update soon. is this going to be short? The reason I ask this is because of the pase that things seem to be traveling. It's just like he's moving souper fast and everything is going quickly. I'm glad that she still faught though. I'm souper glad about that. I was getting kinda annoied because I was like upset that he seemed to be all powerful. that annoied me cause she had her own powers but couldn't do anything. I guess if she could, then that would sorta ruin the entire story huh.Anyways,update soon,Nicole.
Dam. He didn't waste any time did he.
He's offal. Morgana is in quite the perdicament. Well... It would be kinda cool if he got a taste of his own medecine. But then, it would be even more interesting if she killed him. Are you going to have them suddenly fall in love or something? That would be really strange. Like strange for even books and stories like this.
anyways, Souper cool and great. I hope that you update soon. is this going to be short? The reason I ask this is because of the pase that things seem to be traveling. It's just like he's moving souper fast and everything is going quickly. I'm glad that she still faught though. I'm souper glad about that. I was getting kinda annoied because I was like upset that he seemed to be all powerful. that annoied me cause she had her own powers but couldn't do anything. I guess if she could, then that would sorta ruin the entire story huh.Anyways,update soon,Nicole.
10/24/2005 c7 Tragic1987
So far an incredible story, I hope you continue it and I will be watching for it.
So far an incredible story, I hope you continue it and I will be watching for it.
10/20/2004 c5 2M.R.Sanner
wow !Execellent (sp) storie ! Imean wow ! Very good . Lol ur either wiccan or u study it ! But w/e keep it up! U should cheek out some of my stories
- blaqdeath
2M.R.Sannerwow !Execellent (sp) storie ! Imean wow ! Very good . Lol ur either wiccan or u study it ! But w/e keep it up! U should cheek out some of my stories
- blaqdeath
10/8/2004 c1 7Leclair
The first line really caught my attention and lured me into reading more. I like it. Update.
7LeclairThe first line really caught my attention and lured me into reading more. I like it. Update.
9/28/2004 c1 16Minus the Bear
Ah! I like! You must write more! Me wants to know what happens! Hmm, this has caught my interest! Great job with the description!
16Minus the BearAh! I like! You must write more! Me wants to know what happens! Hmm, this has caught my interest! Great job with the description!