9/17/2023 c2 3Chevix
I just want to say that even so many years after having read this the first time and the song Kokomo still makes me think of Vaun and Saul. It's always so sad to see that this never got re-uploaded, and while I can't comment on the accuracy of any cultural references I do want to say that I don't think Saul should be changed. I think who he is as a character is who he needs to be and that changing him for cultural relevance feels disingenuous to who he is as a (fictional) person. However I recognize that portraying a culture in a fair way is something that should be a part of the writing.
In that regards, I have wondered if you ever considered changing his background. This doesn't need to be perhaps too dramatic of a change, as we never learn a whole lot about his biological dad and why they were in South Africa in the first place. There was a mention more towards the beginning of the book that they moved a lot because of his dad. My first thought was that they were perhaps a military family. In which case you could tweaks Saul's story in a way that he spent more time around American people at a military base, but still acquired the accent due to learning the language. Perhaps his time spent there was also shorter than originally depicted with him moving there at a slightly older age such as 6 or 7 instead of the 2 I believe he was when they moved. This doesn't need to be the specific reason, but adjusting his background to fit him instead of forcing him into a background seems like it would keep his character truer to who he is.
I just want to say that even so many years after having read this the first time and the song Kokomo still makes me think of Vaun and Saul. It's always so sad to see that this never got re-uploaded, and while I can't comment on the accuracy of any cultural references I do want to say that I don't think Saul should be changed. I think who he is as a character is who he needs to be and that changing him for cultural relevance feels disingenuous to who he is as a (fictional) person. However I recognize that portraying a culture in a fair way is something that should be a part of the writing.
In that regards, I have wondered if you ever considered changing his background. This doesn't need to be perhaps too dramatic of a change, as we never learn a whole lot about his biological dad and why they were in South Africa in the first place. There was a mention more towards the beginning of the book that they moved a lot because of his dad. My first thought was that they were perhaps a military family. In which case you could tweaks Saul's story in a way that he spent more time around American people at a military base, but still acquired the accent due to learning the language. Perhaps his time spent there was also shorter than originally depicted with him moving there at a slightly older age such as 6 or 7 instead of the 2 I believe he was when they moved. This doesn't need to be the specific reason, but adjusting his background to fit him instead of forcing him into a background seems like it would keep his character truer to who he is.
4/3/2020 c1 1Nuitdemeztli
It's been about ten years since I read this story and during that time I got diagnosed with a chronic illness so I sometimes have to use a wheelchair and recently I have had the urge to read a couple of fictionpress stories that I read back in the day which had disabled characters. I've been trying to remember the title of your story and been cracking my head to remember the password of this old account and now I see that you took it down. It's so sad. I understand why you did it but regardless, I'm sad that such a good story is not available to the public anymore. I hope it still exists somewhere bc what I remember of it was so good. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated it and now the memory of it bc I don't think I ever said it back then
It's been about ten years since I read this story and during that time I got diagnosed with a chronic illness so I sometimes have to use a wheelchair and recently I have had the urge to read a couple of fictionpress stories that I read back in the day which had disabled characters. I've been trying to remember the title of your story and been cracking my head to remember the password of this old account and now I see that you took it down. It's so sad. I understand why you did it but regardless, I'm sad that such a good story is not available to the public anymore. I hope it still exists somewhere bc what I remember of it was so good. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciated it and now the memory of it bc I don't think I ever said it back then
9/14/2017 c2 2Natten
Okay, no, I've realised that the stories probably are set in completely different years. Like when you wrote about facebook being a thing for students only at the time Saul used it. And then it being 2015 for Alan about one year after his story started. Yeah, I was wrong. But it's kind of fun to imagine all these things happening in the same universe anyway. Like Saul and Vaun are living their lives like normal and getting to know each other and getting into a relationship with each other and stuff, and at the same time these two statues are standing in a graveyard somewhere... in the same state? These statues aren't really statues... They're in fact aliens. At the same time Alan is... probably a teenager? Or younger. And there's this whole universe outside of Earth that they're not aware of. And this comment is super confusing. I'm going to stop. But I just wanted to say that I know I was wrong. It bothered me, but now I've said it so now I feel better. OK, thanks, bye. :)
Okay, no, I've realised that the stories probably are set in completely different years. Like when you wrote about facebook being a thing for students only at the time Saul used it. And then it being 2015 for Alan about one year after his story started. Yeah, I was wrong. But it's kind of fun to imagine all these things happening in the same universe anyway. Like Saul and Vaun are living their lives like normal and getting to know each other and getting into a relationship with each other and stuff, and at the same time these two statues are standing in a graveyard somewhere... in the same state? These statues aren't really statues... They're in fact aliens. At the same time Alan is... probably a teenager? Or younger. And there's this whole universe outside of Earth that they're not aware of. And this comment is super confusing. I'm going to stop. But I just wanted to say that I know I was wrong. It bothered me, but now I've said it so now I feel better. OK, thanks, bye. :)
9/12/2017 c1 Natten
Oh, I miss this story so much. A big part of why I love it is because it is not too dramatic, just a light and funny and friendly story. It is the only story I've ever recommended to a friend online. She liked it as well. I've re-read this story a number of times in the past. I miss it a lot now.
BY THE WAY. Was that Vaun standing in front of Alan in the line to the bank thing? It just seems like... coincidences like that don't happen much in the written world... and they both seem to live in California within hearing distance of the Disneyland fireworks. Could it have been? I tried to look up other comments to see if someone else thought the same thing, but I couldn't find any mention of it.
Thank you for making it possible for us strangers to read your amazing stories anyway. Despite the fact that there are assholes here as well, who leave shitty comments. I wish they'd just leave before they ever said anything. It's such a waste of energy.
But anyway, thank you for the time it was possible to read this. I enjoyed it very much.
Oh, I miss this story so much. A big part of why I love it is because it is not too dramatic, just a light and funny and friendly story. It is the only story I've ever recommended to a friend online. She liked it as well. I've re-read this story a number of times in the past. I miss it a lot now.
BY THE WAY. Was that Vaun standing in front of Alan in the line to the bank thing? It just seems like... coincidences like that don't happen much in the written world... and they both seem to live in California within hearing distance of the Disneyland fireworks. Could it have been? I tried to look up other comments to see if someone else thought the same thing, but I couldn't find any mention of it.
Thank you for making it possible for us strangers to read your amazing stories anyway. Despite the fact that there are assholes here as well, who leave shitty comments. I wish they'd just leave before they ever said anything. It's such a waste of energy.
But anyway, thank you for the time it was possible to read this. I enjoyed it very much.
7/19/2017 c1 Guest
I love this story,I reread it every chance I get.
Thank you for it.
I love this story,I reread it every chance I get.
Thank you for it.
1/15/2017 c1 6AraxiaJustice13
I've read this story so many times until you took it down. Is there anyway you could put the original back up? It is something I have read at least twice a month for years and since it's gone, I just feel so lost without it. This is a phenomenal book and I honestly miss it
I've read this story so many times until you took it down. Is there anyway you could put the original back up? It is something I have read at least twice a month for years and since it's gone, I just feel so lost without it. This is a phenomenal book and I honestly miss it
1/9/2017 c1 Guest
Please make it available to read! I need to read it!
I'm dying! I'm begging.
Saul is perfect!
PLEASE!
Please make it available to read! I need to read it!
I'm dying! I'm begging.
Saul is perfect!
PLEASE!
1/8/2017 c1 Guest
Please make it available to read!
I'm begging you!
Nothing is wrong with Saul. Please.
Please make it available to read!
I'm begging you!
Nothing is wrong with Saul. Please.
1/8/2017 c1 Guest
Please make this story available to read! I really liked the first chapter. I want to read all of it. Please.
Please make this story available to read! I really liked the first chapter. I want to read all of it. Please.
12/21/2016 c1 adrian.dezray1
Hello! When do you think your book will be available and/or purchasable!
Please let me know, thank you!
Hello! When do you think your book will be available and/or purchasable!
Please let me know, thank you!
8/28/2016 c1 14Faith Mairi
I command, no, I plead that you put this story back up!
Please.
I do not care if you've "characterized" Saul badly - that's absolute bullshit, who gives a crap that he may not sound wholly "South-African" - he is fucking perfect. I adore this story so much I can't tell you how many times I have reread and reread this. Vaan never fails to make me laugh and Saul is such a cutie-pie, I wish these people actually existed in the real word - same goes for their friends.
So please, repost it.
I'm literally down on my knees begging.
I command, no, I plead that you put this story back up!
Please.
I do not care if you've "characterized" Saul badly - that's absolute bullshit, who gives a crap that he may not sound wholly "South-African" - he is fucking perfect. I adore this story so much I can't tell you how many times I have reread and reread this. Vaan never fails to make me laugh and Saul is such a cutie-pie, I wish these people actually existed in the real word - same goes for their friends.
So please, repost it.
I'm literally down on my knees begging.
9/3/2015 c1 oshiritorii
There's something to be said about a work that never fails to move you, even if you'd read it so many times.
I've just finished reading Pretty Shade of Grey, for the third time. And once again find myself crying just after midnight. Vaan and Saul, they're not the usual couple I'd find myself shedding tears over, or cheering for, or even staying up a whole night to read through.
And it's not like I've fallen in love with your work instantly. It's more like somehow, before I knew it; these boys had just eased themselves into their own nook in my heart. And they're staying right where they are.
Basically, the only reason I'm here is because it's the only way I could show appreciation for your creation. My own sad-puddle moments are no longer as sad when I've got Vaan and Saul's story for company.
There's something to be said about a work that never fails to move you, even if you'd read it so many times.
I've just finished reading Pretty Shade of Grey, for the third time. And once again find myself crying just after midnight. Vaan and Saul, they're not the usual couple I'd find myself shedding tears over, or cheering for, or even staying up a whole night to read through.
And it's not like I've fallen in love with your work instantly. It's more like somehow, before I knew it; these boys had just eased themselves into their own nook in my heart. And they're staying right where they are.
Basically, the only reason I'm here is because it's the only way I could show appreciation for your creation. My own sad-puddle moments are no longer as sad when I've got Vaan and Saul's story for company.
9/2/2015 c1 ultimatefanficfan
Okay, I will have to keep rereading the chapters, but can I tell you that I honestly liked the old beginning better? This one is good dont get me wrong but the other one was much more comical and whimsical feeling.
Okay, I will have to keep rereading the chapters, but can I tell you that I honestly liked the old beginning better? This one is good dont get me wrong but the other one was much more comical and whimsical feeling.
2/17/2015 c13 Guest
Good story!
Good story!
8/27/2014 c12 descorpion
Even with chapters missing this was still enjoyable. However think the story should have continued to the point where the relationship took that final sexual act.
Even with chapters missing this was still enjoyable. However think the story should have continued to the point where the relationship took that final sexual act.