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for Second Eden

10/1/2006 c1 41sarah1491
Nice story! :) Very interesting. I'm not good at writing supernatural type stories. I don't know why, I just find it hard. I write more real-life ones, but this supernatural stuff is pretty interesting. Nice job! :)

9/30/2006 c1 4coeurdefurie
Poor angel...condemmed for refusing to harm an innocent. Very intersting.

9/18/2006 c1 kmuntz
I'm impressed- very. The writing was very smooth, and flowed well, with the descriptions in at just the right places, not so much that they became flowery, but enough to create a vivid picture. The dialouge itself had a very epic feel to it, along the with the story, a classic instance of a soldier turning against his own ranks. The characters were solid, though a bit steriotypical, and I found myself caring very much whether or not the protagonist was able to make it out alive. I like that you decided to use angels, and ont some sort of medieval knight, which would have made the betrayal seem less epic, and I thought the themes themselves were quite timeless. This actually reminds me of a greek myth- I'm not sure which one. As is often the case with a story of this calliber, I have nothing for you in the way of constructive criticm, and as much as I would like to avoid becoming an "ego booster" I have to say that piece was nearly flawless, for what it was- a hidden gem.
9/12/2006 c1 6January Gray
I read on your profile that you actually cancelled this story after I read it (and before I got a chance to review it) and it made me really sad. I love it when people play with the whole fallen angel concept without rewriting Milton. You do a really good job of that here and now I have to go off and pout because I won't get to see what happens next.
9/11/2006 c1 13Irony Illuminator
Fantasy blended with the Biblical. It's interesting. I don't think I've ever come across a story like that before.

You have an eloquent writing style, and your work displays a very good variety of the sort of words that make stories intriguing. They're colorful. You paint good pictures with them too. It's good!

By the way, thank you so much for the review you sent me. I was touched.

Keep up the good work!

8/18/2006 c1 7Noihseret
wow. that first line just pulled me right in! this story is wonderful! you really have a talent for coming up with wonderful plots and ideas. names too ^^ awesome names! I like how you ended it as well. very powerful words. can't wait for more!
7/20/2006 c1 8incandescente
interesting story.

I look forward to more of this story. the development of characters was sufficient i figure, but of course the most developed one was luzail. at first i was suitably confused as to what luzail was: i thought he was lucifer. its interesting to know that as the watchers stay with humans more and more, they tend to develop their human feelings/emotions. yet it seems that luzail has "loved" a fatedancer. (what's that btw? I hope to be able to find that out soon. are you trying to imply that God purposely allowed her to disrupt the universe? and thus, on hindsight Luzail would be right because he didnt want to kill her.) how did they meet? i hope to read more soon! continue writing! :)

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