for The Institution1/9/2005 c1 julia
Biss this is really awesome. Nice use of imagery at the part where her feet are bleeding and she collapses. i only read the first chapter but eventually i will read the whole thing.luv, Julia
Biss this is really awesome. Nice use of imagery at the part where her feet are bleeding and she collapses. i only read the first chapter but eventually i will read the whole thing.luv, Julia
11/15/2004 c2 
4Carradine
believes u me, i don't know anything, and above all other things I don't live prolonging the pretense that I'm intelligent.
i read your story cuz i liked it. you'll probably remember the lack of my saying "oh yeah your story sucks" in the review. Or maybe you won't. Anyway, the last thing I meant to do in reviewing your story was be rude. I definitely went the wrong way about it, but all I wanted to do was help you out. I know some people who'd break into a rant immediately upon seeing any grammatical errors, even in dialogue, and figured that if I suggested ways to not have grammatical errors you'd, like, say "hey, my story was already great but U just found a way to make it better!"
Sorry I tried to help you.
4Carradinebelieves u me, i don't know anything, and above all other things I don't live prolonging the pretense that I'm intelligent.
i read your story cuz i liked it. you'll probably remember the lack of my saying "oh yeah your story sucks" in the review. Or maybe you won't. Anyway, the last thing I meant to do in reviewing your story was be rude. I definitely went the wrong way about it, but all I wanted to do was help you out. I know some people who'd break into a rant immediately upon seeing any grammatical errors, even in dialogue, and figured that if I suggested ways to not have grammatical errors you'd, like, say "hey, my story was already great but U just found a way to make it better!"
Sorry I tried to help you.
11/14/2004 c4 12BlackFeatherLintu
wow, very good, descriptive and realistic! keep it up, i'm loving it!
12BlackFeatherLintuwow, very good, descriptive and realistic! keep it up, i'm loving it!
11/14/2004 c1 BlackFeatherLintu
hey what a great chap! pay no mind to what that stupid girl said, this is flawless
hey what a great chap! pay no mind to what that stupid girl said, this is flawless
11/11/2004 c1 4Carradine
before I really say anything, your summary is no good. If you have return readers for the story it's cool for them but it doesn't even mention what the plot of the story is and should because that's the point of the plot summary thing.
here's a problem about 97 percent of the people on this site have. They might have a good imagination, but through text they have no idea as to how to interpret it and more specifically have no idea how the hell to work with verb tenses and stuff like that. You could randomly look through almost any story on FP and find that kind of error, like I did here (at the end of paragraph four):
"Now you get better, do your schoolwork, and do well at track meets okay dear? . . . Take care now, you hear . . ." Tess slowly slips into a semi unconscious state as the plump nurse hands the man in the shadows a small piece of paper.
Unless it's a screenplay or if you're physically dictating the story to somebody, it should read "Tess slowly slipped into a semi-conscious state while the plump nurse handed the man in the shadows a small piece of paper."
Even more common a grammatical error than that is that nobody knows that in dialogue each speaker has to have their own paragraph. Incase you didn't know that's so you can describe the speaker without having to say their full name every time, not have to say "...[their full name] said" all the time and eventually not mention the speaker every time because the reader figured it out.
basically, watch your grammar.
4Carradinebefore I really say anything, your summary is no good. If you have return readers for the story it's cool for them but it doesn't even mention what the plot of the story is and should because that's the point of the plot summary thing.
here's a problem about 97 percent of the people on this site have. They might have a good imagination, but through text they have no idea as to how to interpret it and more specifically have no idea how the hell to work with verb tenses and stuff like that. You could randomly look through almost any story on FP and find that kind of error, like I did here (at the end of paragraph four):
"Now you get better, do your schoolwork, and do well at track meets okay dear? . . . Take care now, you hear . . ." Tess slowly slips into a semi unconscious state as the plump nurse hands the man in the shadows a small piece of paper.
Unless it's a screenplay or if you're physically dictating the story to somebody, it should read "Tess slowly slipped into a semi-conscious state while the plump nurse handed the man in the shadows a small piece of paper."
Even more common a grammatical error than that is that nobody knows that in dialogue each speaker has to have their own paragraph. Incase you didn't know that's so you can describe the speaker without having to say their full name every time, not have to say "...[their full name] said" all the time and eventually not mention the speaker every time because the reader figured it out.
basically, watch your grammar.
11/9/2004 c2 20Penny so Pretty
just wait till yall read ch 3... i just posted it and its pretty long and "action packed"! cya l8r...
-the dragon
20Penny so Prettyjust wait till yall read ch 3... i just posted it and its pretty long and "action packed"! cya l8r...
-the dragon
11/9/2004 c1 Penny so Pretty
hello self. just a little desperate don't you think... im reviewing my own story. sad... very sad... i think i need more detail, how bout yall reviewers?
hello self. just a little desperate don't you think... im reviewing my own story. sad... very sad... i think i need more detail, how bout yall reviewers?
10/14/2004 c1 22glitch804
wow this is great! did you start over again er somethin? ne ways keep writing! see ya at skool! (I can't wait til next semester when we have A lunch!)
-glitch- ^_~
22glitch804wow this is great! did you start over again er somethin? ne ways keep writing! see ya at skool! (I can't wait til next semester when we have A lunch!)
-glitch- ^_~
9/30/2004 c1 lopper
Nice! You've become a much better writer. Keep going!
Nice! You've become a much better writer. Keep going!