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8/2/2005 c2 4kemushi caterpillar
Cha! Of course I remember you 'cause your story's snazy and your name rocks my socks. Yay! Another chapter. Now I'm intrigued and I wanna know what happens next. I hope you update again soon, buttercup. Lessee... just to be a meanie critic I'm gonna say this was a tad bit confusing to me, but at the same time, I like that because it's a unique way of writing a story, and I love unique things. From the queen of short chapters I say to you: "Too short! I must know what happens!" I will forgive you if you update soon soon soon. (By the way, Riley is a very boring, some-what neurotic person, and his family's a bunch of freaks, and if I don't send him to therepy soon, he will have no story.)
5/15/2005 c2 90Dragonzz
ek now i really wanna know wat happens! update soon~dragonz~
4/23/2005 c2 kayttea
arg! why a cliffie! i might kill you for the cliffie! lol, i'm just kidding. this is a good chapter, even though it was short, and i'm glad you updated. i can't wait to see what happens next! *hands you a brownie and begins typing up more of illuminated eyes* till then!

-kay
4/13/2005 c1 5Cyclonica
I like it. I'm not normally a horror person but so far I like it, and you have a real-sounding voice. Not forced or anything. I like that because I have trouble with it. Hm... advice... everyone's character development has been good so far... the only thing that bothered me slightly was that there wasn't any transition to the "fredageek" part. For instance, maybe you could describe the horseriding stuff as something the 4 people did during the day, and then talk about how people kept bumping him. As it is it's just kinda sudden and out of context. That's the only thing I can find... I really like the narrative-ness of the girl telling the story. She sounds realistic. Also good descriptions. In summary: update :)
4/11/2005 c1 kayttea
UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! NOW! or else. please? this is REALLY good. by the way i KNEW that b.b was going to feel the same way about the welcoming place as your main character (either you didn't mention the name yet or i was too slow to reconize it lol). so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE update!

and yes is you copied word for word my poem you would lose a reviewer. lol. i wouldn't get mad at you if you wrote a poem LIKE it in you own words tho. :-) thanks for the review anyway.

as to illuminated eyes. i decided to leave it as a one shot. i'm really sorry but i'm just not getting inspired for it or anything. i might make it a short story tho with 2 or three chapters is someone gives me a couple ideas (hinthint nudgenudge?)? anyway.

this is an awesome story so far PLEASE update asap. thanks! till next time!

-kay
2/24/2005 c1 4kemushi caterpillar
For your first serious story, it was hillarious. Sorry, but I have the same problem. We're funny people we are. As far as "constructive crittisism" it's a little choppy and it tended to ramble. Of course, it's written EXACTLY how I talk, so I can understand. Remember to start a new paragraph when a new person talks, or your reader will get confused. And be careful with capitalization too, love. Sorry, the editor in me leaking out. It was, as I said, very funny. I especially liked "We were probably acting stoned. You know, just grunting and muttering and eating." Very clever. Yay witty and sarcastic! Just like me! Oh, one other thing, try for a little more description. I'm having a hard time envisioning the plot and the characters, and I think that's really important to a good story. Okay, I'll stop harrasing you!

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