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3/12/2005 c2 13Eyes Unclouded
Whoa. You have a very impressive knowledge of weapons (I myself know almost nil), and because this chapter obviously unloads a ton of information right off the bat, I was thinking maybe in the previous chapter you could foreshadow the narrator's extensive knowledge.

Other than that, I liked the action, although the melodramatic "Sorry I took so long" was anti-climactic. Maybe Musashi could make a gesture instead, or he could say the line knowing full well how over-used it is (because he also seems to know a ton about movies).

Lovin' this story.
3/12/2005 c1 Eyes Unclouded
Wow - awesome! Number one, a character named Miyamoto Musashi who shares the same name as my favorite samurai of all time. Number two, references I actually understand (gotta love XPlay).Number three, love the attitude and the real life situations (although I'd like to point out that Suncoast tends to be more of a rip-off than Borders, although it's not as big a chain). My favorite line: "and no version sans the expletives would be accurate at all".

Overall - cool - keep it up.
3/3/2005 c9 14C. Catlin
Whoa..whoa..A M1918A2, a semi-auto American (or maybe brittish) enfield? I belive it had a 14 round bolt/top load. Right...Am I right? Do I get a cookie? Sorry, I am a WW2 Nut...
3/2/2005 c19 26PNEK MEKS
* blinks * Wow...that was a very interesting short chapter. So...is there gonne be a chase scene? I love chase scenes!

Oh...and sorry bout being really slowl with reading and reviewing...I've been in a bit of a time struggle. PNEK MEKS
2/23/2005 c6 14C. Catlin
Just like I promised, here is a review, though I am not done reading...

Well, your story seems to be following a plot, even if we cant find it yet, maybe that'll change as I get further into the book.

It says that this is an AA/Romance, but I detect a unrealistic sence of humor in all the chars...I am sure if you could put a third genra, you would have put Humor.

And about the baton, I have hit people and been hit by a botan(I had a steel police night stick, wooden handle which became a huge annoyence after I hit like three people, it got all loose). It hurts...alot...But, there primary purpose is to incapasistate the subject, AKA: K.O. So I really doubt that Musashi could kill a full grown man with one strike to the head with ANY botan.

However, I do not know everything about botans, nor anything about the botan that you metioned in this story. so I could be very wrong.

Also, describing all the weapons to such extencive detail is really taking me away from the story, because frankly, sometimes I have no idea what your talking about! But I am getting much more knolege(
2/17/2005 c17 2Benjamin Cheah
There's good news, and there's bad news.

The good news, unlike so many people, your technical details are up to scratch. So far, I haven't found any mistakes. However, I'd appreciate it if you could elaborate on some obscure firearms and calibers, like the 10mm G & A. Also, the combat scenes are pretty well-executed, especially in comparison with other writers.

I guess this story isn't supposed to be grounded in realism too much, so I won't give my opinions on tactics and related affairs. Then again, seeing how your characters go through guns, I'd reckon it'll be more 'realistic' if you said 'five crates of M4A1s and five crates of MP5s' in Chapter 12.

The bad news is, the initial part of the story is kind of strange. I mean, Miyamoto Musashi is a student, so how does he know how to operate so many types of firearms and weapons, and fight hand-to-hand? It'll be better if you mention that he does research into such things, has practice, etc. Plus, how is it possible for him to just reach into a pocket and produce a baton? It'd be more plausible if the baton is mentioned in the first chapter.

Finally, it'd do you a world of good to plan the entire story out...or at least on a chapter-by-chapter basis. It doesn't show any sign of planning. Take chapter 13 for example. How did Musashi and Ayame arrive at the site and how did they know where the snipers were? If you're the kind of guy who can't plan, though, then it's all right.

Now, please excuse me while I recover from a headache of my own.
2/16/2005 c17 26PNEK MEKS
* smiles * Two thumbs WAY WAY up! I have to admit this though...unfortunetly I got a little deterred with all the gun lingo...seeings as I have know knowledge of guns, it confused me more then helped me...but I'm sure for most people who knew more about guns, it was a great help in the visilization. Other then that. Good!

2/9/2005 c2 1M Marker
Holy Crap, dude.

I've read both of your essays and only the first couple of chapters to 'Headache' and I gotta admit I'm quite impressed by your writing and expression.

Your knowledge on modern firearms is also very easy to take notice of.

I encourage you to continue, you're very talented. And also, if you ever have the time, see if you couldn't give my story, 'Faith', a peek. It depends very heavily on guns etc. to enrich the world it's based in.

Once again, bravo, man. Keep it up.

= )

2/8/2005 c14 bob
man, i love this story, it's on my author alert thingymajiggy, but does it actully have a plot?
2/8/2005 c14 26PNEK MEKS
YES! Blood, guts, and guns! Okay...not so much in the blood and guts category but still pretty damn good! Anywho...Again a little short, Not much of an ending. I may often curse people out for leaving me with cliff hangers, but I really do love them. Try it sometimes.

2/7/2005 c13 PNEK MEKS
Damn...your story is like crack. The more you use it, the harder it is to break free of it. No amount of rehab can save me now...Damnit. Other then that. A little shorter then your usual chapters, but hey, a girl who writes a one word chapter shouldn't be talkin'. Anywho, nice job. So? 8 hours with out a computer? Try going 5 months. See you on the flip side.

1/27/2005 c12 PNEK MEKS
That's cute...* smacks self * Dammnit! I said cute again! Ugh! I hate that word! * sighs * Anywho...very awesome cahpter! It took you awhile to put it up though...which I'm a bit dissapointed about...other then that...it was one awesome chapter...one thing though. More action next time. I like your action scenes. They really draw me in, get the blood pumping. Yeah yeah! So...next chapter...ACTION! K? Love ya!

1/8/2005 c1 14C. Catlin
Lafeyette Musashi,

I am very sorry that I do not have time right now to read this or any of your other storys, but I wanted to tell you to look at my story "Navy Seals" again, It has an anwer to your question.

I promis to read this story as soon as I can and give it a real review!

12/14/2004 c11 26PNEK MEKS
Okay, the high actiony ness lost it's luster with the romance and what not. But the Kungfu fighting stuff was hot! Blood is always a plus, but gushing? Maybe not so much gushing next time. The gun vault, though, was great. And I love Karl...which is strangly the name of my fish but with a "C". I'll be awaiting your next chapter.

12/13/2004 c9 PNEK MEKS
Awesome...but unfortunetly, the last line dosen't make any sense to me.

*~Neither had Hector – I noticed when he was pointing it at her the safety was on and she didn’t deactivate it.~*

Mind explaining that? Perhaps something might have gone missing? Anywho. It's a great chapter, if you can clear up the confusing last line. See you on the flip side.

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