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for The Choices We Make and the Roads We Take

7/24/2005 c1 4ScrewyOldDame
Hey Alex. Lauren here, I thought a change of pen-name would be refreshing. Did I tell you how much your critique helped me? I can't recall mentioning it. I went back and edited, building on my ideas. Thank you very, very much. The positive feedback was quite flattering, coming from such a particularily talented writer as yourself. I know this story is a bit old, however I'll give it a review anyway.

Critique - honestly, there is not much to give! I quite liked this story. Of course there were the typical grammatical errors, however the story was so good it really had no impact on it's quality. I think my only advice is watch consistantcy in narrative. You have a very mature, guiding, strong writing voice that is truly wonderful. Watch the occasional wavering into slang. "A richer looking guy gets out and goes to collect his kid" It doesn't seem to fit the very mature tone of the story and your writing voice.

Praise: Wow. You deffinately have a talent. Splendid job! I'm very impressed. You immediately set the tone and draw the reader into the story, something I think all good writers should have the ability to do. There was wonderful timing and fluency in your words. You seem to know just when to highten the tension of your narrative. It is crisp and clear, perfectly matching the story. I expecially liked your simple but powerful word use. "Flash. Panic. Chaos. Blood. Death…bang." In short - since I have taken up so much space already - wonderful job.

-Lauren
10/9/2004 c1 4writemylove
Wow...So many people get lost in life...It's good to know which road you're going to take.
"I took the road less traveled by"
The Road Less Traveled
Always: Miss Independent

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