for Random Crap4/19/2008 c9 
2theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhair
All thanks to the review marathon (link in profile).
I just realized that I said critique before when I meant criticism. Why is it that all the crit words have to do with the same subject?
Anyway. I like this both because incest is disgusting and you use it as a tool for humor because we don't immediately realize Jane and John are related; and also because of the way Jojo turns her down. So blunt, so rude, and so like so many boys out there (well, at least Jo is honest). But why did Jane say yes...? Oh, her sluttiness is yet another funny aspect of this piece. Nice work on the whole collection. I should not have been spending time thinking about these, but this is what greed will get a person.
2theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhairAll thanks to the review marathon (link in profile).
I just realized that I said critique before when I meant criticism. Why is it that all the crit words have to do with the same subject?
Anyway. I like this both because incest is disgusting and you use it as a tool for humor because we don't immediately realize Jane and John are related; and also because of the way Jojo turns her down. So blunt, so rude, and so like so many boys out there (well, at least Jo is honest). But why did Jane say yes...? Oh, her sluttiness is yet another funny aspect of this piece. Nice work on the whole collection. I should not have been spending time thinking about these, but this is what greed will get a person.
4/19/2008 c8 theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhair
...did you really have to change it to karen...?
Anyway, once again, I'll talk even though I have nothing to say. I liked the way fuck was constantly repeated, as though the subject needed any reiterating. I also like the um... creepy literal take on the your mom jokes... I'm disturbed by that, actually. ANYWAY creative.
Did not like the choice of name because it reminded me of someone we both know, and it was not a very pleasant image.
PE in college? wtf? Are you serious?
...did you really have to change it to karen...?
Anyway, once again, I'll talk even though I have nothing to say. I liked the way fuck was constantly repeated, as though the subject needed any reiterating. I also like the um... creepy literal take on the your mom jokes... I'm disturbed by that, actually. ANYWAY creative.
Did not like the choice of name because it reminded me of someone we both know, and it was not a very pleasant image.
PE in college? wtf? Are you serious?
4/19/2008 c7 theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhair
...Do you really have to make this so hard? Giving this stuff reviews isn't cheating if it takes me as long to figure out what's happening as it would to read a regular piece. Come on, man.
So uh... what's with the weird segues? I mean, it's obvious how you're SUPPOSED to get from promiscuous... people to Lucifer, but how did you do it? And where did those commercials come from? Lucifer is a Morning star? AND WHY IS IT SO GODDAMN HOT? IT FEELS LIKE THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER IN MY HOUSE!
So, here's what I figure... you somehow managed to go from Chase the slut to peanut butter commercials to go-gurt to some sort of omnipresence to Lucifer. Excuse me? The sheer randomness of this is going to be my critique, because I'm am totally lost.
On the plus side, you had very nice descriptive language. I love how you managed to make pulling water out of one of those tanks seem poetic. I liked it because... it gave the whole piece lots of color and vibrance and gave the reader a good image?
...Do you really have to make this so hard? Giving this stuff reviews isn't cheating if it takes me as long to figure out what's happening as it would to read a regular piece. Come on, man.
So uh... what's with the weird segues? I mean, it's obvious how you're SUPPOSED to get from promiscuous... people to Lucifer, but how did you do it? And where did those commercials come from? Lucifer is a Morning star? AND WHY IS IT SO GODDAMN HOT? IT FEELS LIKE THE MIDDLE OF SUMMER IN MY HOUSE!
So, here's what I figure... you somehow managed to go from Chase the slut to peanut butter commercials to go-gurt to some sort of omnipresence to Lucifer. Excuse me? The sheer randomness of this is going to be my critique, because I'm am totally lost.
On the plus side, you had very nice descriptive language. I love how you managed to make pulling water out of one of those tanks seem poetic. I liked it because... it gave the whole piece lots of color and vibrance and gave the reader a good image?
4/19/2008 c6 theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhair
Nice. Starts out as looking like a joke with a punchline, the way you spend the whole time in the "setting up" tone. I thought the clowns were a random touch... one that I don't get. Still, it is called random crap, so I suppose that I should commend you on your... randomness? Um... my vocab sucks.
I also liked the blunt way you ended it. Way to totally defuse the joke and let down any hopeful feelings for a good laugh at the end. I liked that. Of course, this is obviously a parody of a joke, so once the reader realizes that, they laugh, plus they've got the added giggle at the way they were getting so psyched up over the chuckle before. It's amazing how much we look forward to something that would kill us if we did it for a minute straight... the human race is such a race of junkies.
Nice. Starts out as looking like a joke with a punchline, the way you spend the whole time in the "setting up" tone. I thought the clowns were a random touch... one that I don't get. Still, it is called random crap, so I suppose that I should commend you on your... randomness? Um... my vocab sucks.
I also liked the blunt way you ended it. Way to totally defuse the joke and let down any hopeful feelings for a good laugh at the end. I liked that. Of course, this is obviously a parody of a joke, so once the reader realizes that, they laugh, plus they've got the added giggle at the way they were getting so psyched up over the chuckle before. It's amazing how much we look forward to something that would kill us if we did it for a minute straight... the human race is such a race of junkies.
4/19/2008 c5 theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhair
Um... yeah. Honestly, nothing to say, but I'm a greedy pig, so I'll talk anyway.
Weird punctuation detracted from the story because it distracted my eye. Well, it didn't really, but I'm a lazy greedy pig, so we're gonna say that it did.
Um... why is the adult so... teenage acting? Shouldn't the father be setting a good example for treatment of elder relatives by being a little more polite?
As for the ending... loved the vocab you used to describe little miss chicken of the sea, loved the weird place in France that I've never heard of that just tossed a little more randomness into the piece, and loved the fact that you ended with that scene at all. That's the last thing you'd expect gramps to be talking about, and therefore it makes me laugh.
Um... yeah. Honestly, nothing to say, but I'm a greedy pig, so I'll talk anyway.
Weird punctuation detracted from the story because it distracted my eye. Well, it didn't really, but I'm a lazy greedy pig, so we're gonna say that it did.
Um... why is the adult so... teenage acting? Shouldn't the father be setting a good example for treatment of elder relatives by being a little more polite?
As for the ending... loved the vocab you used to describe little miss chicken of the sea, loved the weird place in France that I've never heard of that just tossed a little more randomness into the piece, and loved the fact that you ended with that scene at all. That's the last thing you'd expect gramps to be talking about, and therefore it makes me laugh.
4/19/2008 c4 theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhair
Not a jew = I don't really get it = I should keep my mouth shut. But I want my free reviews!
Well, I like this because it's cute. That's a stupid reason. Um... it's cute because it's got old people in it? Wait, I'm getting into the bs groove... the old people have been stuck in a position that we know they shouldn't be in (namely, adopting a child), so we sadists of the world laugh at them. Um... is that an anachronism? A little one? Anyway, the way he says they'll beat it the bad out the kid with Judaism just makes it even funnier for the same reason. Especially because he was looking in his pocket for so long... XD Well, I had the same reason for liking both, but I did say two things, so this should count...
Not a jew = I don't really get it = I should keep my mouth shut. But I want my free reviews!
Well, I like this because it's cute. That's a stupid reason. Um... it's cute because it's got old people in it? Wait, I'm getting into the bs groove... the old people have been stuck in a position that we know they shouldn't be in (namely, adopting a child), so we sadists of the world laugh at them. Um... is that an anachronism? A little one? Anyway, the way he says they'll beat it the bad out the kid with Judaism just makes it even funnier for the same reason. Especially because he was looking in his pocket for so long... XD Well, I had the same reason for liking both, but I did say two things, so this should count...
4/19/2008 c3 theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhair
... I know I'm trying to suck up the cheap free reviews with this "piece", but this chapter is pretty special. Whatever. I talk a lot. Saying something I liked and something I didn't like shouldn't be that hard, right?
Meh. Um... I like the fact that it's a bible parody. That automatically makes it cute. Why... um... because... it's the bible? It's something that's supposed to be serious so making fun of it makes it... amusing? I really don't know...
I didn't understand the significance of Morningstar... plus, I think asketh is in a different tense than spake, which bugs me only because the whole story is odd.
OH. Tah-mah-tow is tomato. Me sees. But wait.. I still have a problem. According to this, the devil is speaking twice. That doesn't make sense! Oh, and you didn't capitalize the The before devil. And he goes back to being an angel afte ryou introduce him as the devil... shouldn't it be the other way around?
Hehehe. Don't you hate when someone like me decides to nag you about something you really weren't paying attention to? But yeah. I disliked all of these issues because they detracted from the story (duh, I know, but I had to say it for the rules). I don't think I get this one though. Dislike of differences is what led to disputes and war in the first place? I don't know. There's gotta be something deeper to that, if there is a message at all.
... I know I'm trying to suck up the cheap free reviews with this "piece", but this chapter is pretty special. Whatever. I talk a lot. Saying something I liked and something I didn't like shouldn't be that hard, right?
Meh. Um... I like the fact that it's a bible parody. That automatically makes it cute. Why... um... because... it's the bible? It's something that's supposed to be serious so making fun of it makes it... amusing? I really don't know...
I didn't understand the significance of Morningstar... plus, I think asketh is in a different tense than spake, which bugs me only because the whole story is odd.
OH. Tah-mah-tow is tomato. Me sees. But wait.. I still have a problem. According to this, the devil is speaking twice. That doesn't make sense! Oh, and you didn't capitalize the The before devil. And he goes back to being an angel afte ryou introduce him as the devil... shouldn't it be the other way around?
Hehehe. Don't you hate when someone like me decides to nag you about something you really weren't paying attention to? But yeah. I disliked all of these issues because they detracted from the story (duh, I know, but I had to say it for the rules). I don't think I get this one though. Dislike of differences is what led to disputes and war in the first place? I don't know. There's gotta be something deeper to that, if there is a message at all.
4/19/2008 c2 theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhair
Once again, the sheer humor of this just makes me crack up. Sure, it's a dick move to pick up nine review by reading stuff that's barely two whole sentences, but hey, I've been slacking the whole day. I deserve a few cheap shots.
The randomness of the ending once again makes my day. You start out with an angel, so of course we traditional, cliche filled meat bags will assume that you're going to say something deep and meaningful like torture, but no. It's the tv. I just said meat bags... that could be taken the wrong way. A better and less lazy person would go back and delete that, but not I. At any rate, the reason I liked the tv was that it gives something that we can all obviously relate to to a situation that we should obviously not be able to relate to. Did that make sense? At any rate, the juxtaposition was very nice.
I also liked the way you implied an awareness of some of the crap parents do to their children in the name of "raising them well". As the angel's reaction suggests, you would expect parents to be at their very sweetest with their own progeny, but that's not the case at all. Sure, it seems to be necessary to make humans that are fit to join the society, but doesn't it seem a little screwed up? I like that you make the reader think about things like that.
Once again, the sheer humor of this just makes me crack up. Sure, it's a dick move to pick up nine review by reading stuff that's barely two whole sentences, but hey, I've been slacking the whole day. I deserve a few cheap shots.
The randomness of the ending once again makes my day. You start out with an angel, so of course we traditional, cliche filled meat bags will assume that you're going to say something deep and meaningful like torture, but no. It's the tv. I just said meat bags... that could be taken the wrong way. A better and less lazy person would go back and delete that, but not I. At any rate, the reason I liked the tv was that it gives something that we can all obviously relate to to a situation that we should obviously not be able to relate to. Did that make sense? At any rate, the juxtaposition was very nice.
I also liked the way you implied an awareness of some of the crap parents do to their children in the name of "raising them well". As the angel's reaction suggests, you would expect parents to be at their very sweetest with their own progeny, but that's not the case at all. Sure, it seems to be necessary to make humans that are fit to join the society, but doesn't it seem a little screwed up? I like that you make the reader think about things like that.
4/19/2008 c1 theflyingcrabsareeatingmyhair
Review marathon buddy (link in my profile)!
Well, it's two paragraphs, so you either like it or not. Fortunately I do ;) I enjoyed the style of your piece - easy to read, but clear and detailed enough to give the reader a great picture of what's happening. I liked the ending (of course) because it's so damn retarded. I don't know what makes me laugh the most - the way it shows the lack of communication between the two of them, the unexpectedness of it, or the fact that she's tearful when she says it. Nice job.
Review marathon buddy (link in my profile)!
Well, it's two paragraphs, so you either like it or not. Fortunately I do ;) I enjoyed the style of your piece - easy to read, but clear and detailed enough to give the reader a great picture of what's happening. I liked the ending (of course) because it's so damn retarded. I don't know what makes me laugh the most - the way it shows the lack of communication between the two of them, the unexpectedness of it, or the fact that she's tearful when she says it. Nice job.
5/6/2007 c4 E.B. Rowling
That's just plain hilarious. You've got a talent for just little short stories. Ignore my last review. Of course you wrote these! Or you wouldn't Fictionpress them! Duh! But the Judaism one is great. Seriously.
That's just plain hilarious. You've got a talent for just little short stories. Ignore my last review. Of course you wrote these! Or you wouldn't Fictionpress them! Duh! But the Judaism one is great. Seriously.
1/24/2005 c5 38TheLiving Dead123
I thought I had been to all the trash dumps in the world. Must have missed this one. THIS IS THE LOWEST OF THE LOW! My god, I must admit I was laughing, God the Horror!
38TheLiving Dead123I thought I had been to all the trash dumps in the world. Must have missed this one. THIS IS THE LOWEST OF THE LOW! My god, I must admit I was laughing, God the Horror!