for They came from another world11/6/2004 c1 
65scudcrow
I get the gist of this and I do not see a particular "suicide", as others have noted. Seems like more of a passage (frm science fiction stuff)...keep it up!
65scudcrowI get the gist of this and I do not see a particular "suicide", as others have noted. Seems like more of a passage (frm science fiction stuff)...keep it up!
10/16/2004 c1 Poppy Pyres
Yeah I agree.
Not many ppl are original, and it sucks. Thanks for the review though...
Picky grammar things:
"They came from another world,
And I understand them not."
You started in past tense "understood them not", so you should stay in past tense and always say understood them not. Nice use of repetition though.
As for this poem being about suicide, I am not sure I agree.
Maybe it is about any emotion that makes you feel isolated from the world, like loneliness, or depression.
That would explain the 'other world' part.
Peace!
Yeah I agree.
Not many ppl are original, and it sucks. Thanks for the review though...
Picky grammar things:
"They came from another world,
And I understand them not."
You started in past tense "understood them not", so you should stay in past tense and always say understood them not. Nice use of repetition though.
As for this poem being about suicide, I am not sure I agree.
Maybe it is about any emotion that makes you feel isolated from the world, like loneliness, or depression.
That would explain the 'other world' part.
Peace!
10/15/2004 c1 Soul of Night
Some of the lines in this poem, i simply did not understand. The whole bit about them being tied to stakes and burning (i got that) but then you sprayed them with a hose? And the second last line. Let me take YOUR hand, and take me to the other world. You should have phrased it differently. Like 'Take me by the hand, and take me to the other world. It sounds like your inviting yourself over to someones house without them asking you? A bit strange. Still as always your flow in this work is great but you should still look at the meaning a bit more. Overall, fairly good 6.5/10
Some of the lines in this poem, i simply did not understand. The whole bit about them being tied to stakes and burning (i got that) but then you sprayed them with a hose? And the second last line. Let me take YOUR hand, and take me to the other world. You should have phrased it differently. Like 'Take me by the hand, and take me to the other world. It sounds like your inviting yourself over to someones house without them asking you? A bit strange. Still as always your flow in this work is great but you should still look at the meaning a bit more. Overall, fairly good 6.5/10
10/15/2004 c1 24infamously-anonymous
I'm kinda braindead at the moment, and I will review your longer stuff later. But this poem has a surprising rythm, even though it doesn't seem like it would. The "I saw, but I understood them not." Is particularly effective. It's a little confusing, but leaves you thinking, something which is hard to do.
Sorry if it's a bit ungrammatical at the moment, braindead as said before.
24infamously-anonymousI'm kinda braindead at the moment, and I will review your longer stuff later. But this poem has a surprising rythm, even though it doesn't seem like it would. The "I saw, but I understood them not." Is particularly effective. It's a little confusing, but leaves you thinking, something which is hard to do.
Sorry if it's a bit ungrammatical at the moment, braindead as said before.