for BLACK CHERRY5/18/2008 c34 
4b
this story is awesome. it obviously needs a beta because the english isn't fantastic, but you've got a knack for developing characters and making the plot so intriguing that readers always want more- it reminds me of yazawa ai's storytelling style. despite the weird sentence structures, the descriptions are great; i could see myself back in tokyo when i read this, and i now want a pet pig. :)
your english needs some work, though. since i'm filipino-american and also know japanese, i can point out all the places where the sentence structure or wording makes your english sound like filipino english or like japanese. if you cleaned that up, you'd probably get more readers. as for dialogue, the japanese phrases make it hard to follow for people who don't have a strong grasp on the language, so i'd suggest inline translations. but i suppose the people reading this are probably all japanophiles anyway, ne... :P
i like this story so much that i'd like to be your beta if you want my help. i'll probably be free the whole summer to work on all the back chapters :) otherwise, i hope to see more of kaine soon! in all honesty, i have a story that's also japanese rock-based and i was reading 'kaine' and was like, "shit, i totally got pwned by an 18-year-old!" x_x;
4bthis story is awesome. it obviously needs a beta because the english isn't fantastic, but you've got a knack for developing characters and making the plot so intriguing that readers always want more- it reminds me of yazawa ai's storytelling style. despite the weird sentence structures, the descriptions are great; i could see myself back in tokyo when i read this, and i now want a pet pig. :)
your english needs some work, though. since i'm filipino-american and also know japanese, i can point out all the places where the sentence structure or wording makes your english sound like filipino english or like japanese. if you cleaned that up, you'd probably get more readers. as for dialogue, the japanese phrases make it hard to follow for people who don't have a strong grasp on the language, so i'd suggest inline translations. but i suppose the people reading this are probably all japanophiles anyway, ne... :P
i like this story so much that i'd like to be your beta if you want my help. i'll probably be free the whole summer to work on all the back chapters :) otherwise, i hope to see more of kaine soon! in all honesty, i have a story that's also japanese rock-based and i was reading 'kaine' and was like, "shit, i totally got pwned by an 18-year-old!" x_x;
4/15/2008 c1 Sarah Patrick
Since I have no account here, but only in fanfiction, I'm glad that you enable anonymous reviews. ^_^
Anyway, this story is really awesome. I love the characters here. Hitomi is really an interesting character who lives with her cousin who...um, loves women? lol~ that was hilarious.
I love the fact that you inserted humor once a while. The staring at the cat part after critically thinking that Hitomi would eat the cat if she have to was so funny! LOL!
The plot of this chapter is awesome~ just wonderful, i absolutely adore this story!
Thanks for writing this awesome story! ^_^ Love it alot!
-sarah
Since I have no account here, but only in fanfiction, I'm glad that you enable anonymous reviews. ^_^
Anyway, this story is really awesome. I love the characters here. Hitomi is really an interesting character who lives with her cousin who...um, loves women? lol~ that was hilarious.
I love the fact that you inserted humor once a while. The staring at the cat part after critically thinking that Hitomi would eat the cat if she have to was so funny! LOL!
The plot of this chapter is awesome~ just wonderful, i absolutely adore this story!
Thanks for writing this awesome story! ^_^ Love it alot!
-sarah
4/13/2008 c34 April everfree
Finally got around to reading!
ヤバイ～！
Great chapter as always.
I thought that maybe Kei would non-literally kill himself,
and I was kind of scare about Ryou's anger too...
like they'd actually beat each other within an inch of helplessness.
It was definitely a heavy chapter, but Yuuichi made it all better, and Siine's comments as well.
じゃあぁねぇぇ～～
April
Finally got around to reading!
ヤバイ～！
Great chapter as always.
I thought that maybe Kei would non-literally kill himself,
and I was kind of scare about Ryou's anger too...
like they'd actually beat each other within an inch of helplessness.
It was definitely a heavy chapter, but Yuuichi made it all better, and Siine's comments as well.
じゃあぁねぇぇ～～
April
4/5/2008 c34 12Kraheera-Raven
LOL. At least that ended well. I was sort of worried that Kei might kill himself.
12Kraheera-RavenLOL. At least that ended well. I was sort of worried that Kei might kill himself.
4/5/2008 c34 22the.alaskan.musical.pig
You up dated! Im so happy! poor Kei... he needs to meet someone really really nice, get married and have a bunch of kids.
22the.alaskan.musical.pigYou up dated! Im so happy! poor Kei... he needs to meet someone really really nice, get married and have a bunch of kids.
4/2/2008 c34 x.Pen.Name
Whee! Once I read the first few chapters, I fell in love with the story and got hooked, I ended up reading from the first part to the last overnight with no sleep. I think I stayed up until five in the morning and I woke up at like four in the afternoon. Anyway... I never expected Hitomi to fall for Ryou and vice-versa - they were pretty distant in the beginning.
Please update... The story is addicting and should be illegal.
... I wonder how having a pet piggy feels like. Must be fun...
- x.Pen.Name.
Whee! Once I read the first few chapters, I fell in love with the story and got hooked, I ended up reading from the first part to the last overnight with no sleep. I think I stayed up until five in the morning and I woke up at like four in the afternoon. Anyway... I never expected Hitomi to fall for Ryou and vice-versa - they were pretty distant in the beginning.
Please update... The story is addicting and should be illegal.
... I wonder how having a pet piggy feels like. Must be fun...
- x.Pen.Name.
4/2/2008 c34 rainbabie
Hello. I'm a new fan of your story and have been spoiled since you had 34 chapters up already... so, I hope that there will not be a long wait till your next chapter. This is totally like all the asian dramas I watch. I can't decide who I want Hitomi to be with. They're both such cool guys! Try not to keep us in suspense too long.. till next time!
Hello. I'm a new fan of your story and have been spoiled since you had 34 chapters up already... so, I hope that there will not be a long wait till your next chapter. This is totally like all the asian dramas I watch. I can't decide who I want Hitomi to be with. They're both such cool guys! Try not to keep us in suspense too long.. till next time!
4/1/2008 c34 3Autumn's Snow
OMFG! i love you ever so much for updating but hate that it ended! GAH! i never really grew to dislike kei, but damnit he's so cute and smexy! i do hope he finds someone eventually but i doubt something that simple will happen... or maybe it will.. or maybe... YOU SHOULD UPDATE THIS VERY INSTANT! :o *cries a river of sadness and dispair* why did you take so long and why don't you update sooner? HITOMI-CHAN! why can't i have her life? ah... i'm starting to go crazy here. wonderful chapter. super long and beautifully written, just how i like it ;D please update soon! i'll love you forever and a day if you do!
-Autumn
3Autumn's SnowOMFG! i love you ever so much for updating but hate that it ended! GAH! i never really grew to dislike kei, but damnit he's so cute and smexy! i do hope he finds someone eventually but i doubt something that simple will happen... or maybe it will.. or maybe... YOU SHOULD UPDATE THIS VERY INSTANT! :o *cries a river of sadness and dispair* why did you take so long and why don't you update sooner? HITOMI-CHAN! why can't i have her life? ah... i'm starting to go crazy here. wonderful chapter. super long and beautifully written, just how i like it ;D please update soon! i'll love you forever and a day if you do!
-Autumn
3/31/2008 c34 randomwritersblock
hitomi is losing her sarcasm/pessimism/angst/punkish attitude, you're also leaving out shiine a bit more, he was a key component in the beginning chapters and yuuichi is becoming more girl-like, kei and shiine aren't teasing him as much. we havent heard from yuuichi's boyfriend in a while either. ham, who was/is the main part of her life is beginning to be in the background. and ryou is becoming more talkative, you can tell what he's thinking now, which, is ok, but its nice to have a little mystery. what happend to hitomi's girlfriend? she was strangely absent here in this chappie... maybe you should go back through, dont worry about the length of the chapters, just go back and make a list of the characters and their importance, what their influence is to hitomi, how they affect her, if you will. and maybe put something in about their personality. and the band's gigs and practices, swarming fans, her school. you're not losing your touch, you're just out of sync. get back in, get more passionate about your topic. if you dont feel like writing, then dont, but dont let kaine die a horrible slow, painful death. and ryou's sister, she was fun.
just some thoughts, you dont actually have to use them...
hitomi is losing her sarcasm/pessimism/angst/punkish attitude, you're also leaving out shiine a bit more, he was a key component in the beginning chapters and yuuichi is becoming more girl-like, kei and shiine aren't teasing him as much. we havent heard from yuuichi's boyfriend in a while either. ham, who was/is the main part of her life is beginning to be in the background. and ryou is becoming more talkative, you can tell what he's thinking now, which, is ok, but its nice to have a little mystery. what happend to hitomi's girlfriend? she was strangely absent here in this chappie... maybe you should go back through, dont worry about the length of the chapters, just go back and make a list of the characters and their importance, what their influence is to hitomi, how they affect her, if you will. and maybe put something in about their personality. and the band's gigs and practices, swarming fans, her school. you're not losing your touch, you're just out of sync. get back in, get more passionate about your topic. if you dont feel like writing, then dont, but dont let kaine die a horrible slow, painful death. and ryou's sister, she was fun.
just some thoughts, you dont actually have to use them...
3/30/2008 c4 52Liviania
New Chapter 34:
I enjoyed that chapter. I like how well you write the connection between Hitomi and Kei - you can see how much they still feel fr each other even after the end of their romantic relationship.
Livi
52LivianiaNew Chapter 34:
I enjoyed that chapter. I like how well you write the connection between Hitomi and Kei - you can see how much they still feel fr each other even after the end of their romantic relationship.
Livi
3/29/2008 c16 1one little hollow
-gasp- An update! I'm not dreaming? xDD
Ah, man. Poor Kei. He's all messed up. =/ And Ryou has anger issues, but that's to be expected, ne?
I feel so bad for Kei, though. -cries-
That bit with Ham was so random. xD But we all need a piece of normalcy amidst all the angst.
That confrontation was really moving. =/ Really. Kei just...argh. But I bet Ryou wouldn't be happy to find out about that. Probably go all insecure on Hitomi. Drama ensues.
...Shiine. Love that man. Love him. xD First thing he says is "But I thought you loved me, Ryou!" Jeeze.
1one little hollow-gasp- An update! I'm not dreaming? xDD
Ah, man. Poor Kei. He's all messed up. =/ And Ryou has anger issues, but that's to be expected, ne?
I feel so bad for Kei, though. -cries-
That bit with Ham was so random. xD But we all need a piece of normalcy amidst all the angst.
That confrontation was really moving. =/ Really. Kei just...argh. But I bet Ryou wouldn't be happy to find out about that. Probably go all insecure on Hitomi. Drama ensues.
...Shiine. Love that man. Love him. xD First thing he says is "But I thought you loved me, Ryou!" Jeeze.
3/29/2008 c34 little fox demon
AWESOME! been waiting (one of my fav stories really) but i love to see theres no tension between the new couples lol everything the same and poor kei not so riled up cant wait till the next chap keep up the good work! (o that sounded way corny)
AWESOME! been waiting (one of my fav stories really) but i love to see theres no tension between the new couples lol everything the same and poor kei not so riled up cant wait till the next chap keep up the good work! (o that sounded way corny)