for My Traitor's Heart5/12/2008 c1 Tawny Owl
I really liked this. Short and to the point, and I think you captured her feelings really well.
It seemed like a very accurate portrayal of what people go through as well. How they do make mistakes, but can work things out if they try. So it was quite inspiring in a way, even though it was sad.
I found it a very well thought out short story that got your point across.
I really liked this. Short and to the point, and I think you captured her feelings really well.
It seemed like a very accurate portrayal of what people go through as well. How they do make mistakes, but can work things out if they try. So it was quite inspiring in a way, even though it was sad.
I found it a very well thought out short story that got your point across.
3/21/2008 c1 
5loves him
I really loved this short oneshot.
A few things you could fix:
[Ben's presence was not the only attraction.] you didn't really elaborate on what the other thing was. Is it chivalry? Or something else? Be more clear.
[As I stared at him, I realised that the only thing I knew about him was that he was attractive.] realized, not realised.
[No-one I could confess my shame to.] I think it's spelled no one.
[We fought, we cried but in the end we survived.] we cried [,] but in the end...
And now back to the good (lol):
[Romance had returned to my life.] nice way to start off your story. It draws in the reader and maes sure that we pay attention.
[My marriage was not false and my husband no ogre. His only fault was that he had a job that called him away too often and for too long.] I really liked this, because ppl often overexaggerate in real life and in the back of their head, they know what they're doing. To see your narrator do this as well helps to give her dimension
[I certainly never intended for my heart to turn me into a traitor] another detail that adds to her real-ness if you will. Throughout the story, you defined your narrator really well. She has desires and she has flaws, just like the redt of us.
And onto the last paragraph. I simply loved it. At first, I have to admit that I was confused. But by the time that I was finished, just woww...the sharp contrast between her perception of a fairytale from the beginning and her perception at the end just really brought everything in a full circle and helped show her progress. Also, the last line was just amazing. Short and simple, it had a definitive ring to it. She's realized her mistake and can now take a clear stand. There's no budging this woman.
All in all, great job. Happy writing! ^^
5loves himI really loved this short oneshot.
A few things you could fix:
[Ben's presence was not the only attraction.] you didn't really elaborate on what the other thing was. Is it chivalry? Or something else? Be more clear.
[As I stared at him, I realised that the only thing I knew about him was that he was attractive.] realized, not realised.
[No-one I could confess my shame to.] I think it's spelled no one.
[We fought, we cried but in the end we survived.] we cried [,] but in the end...
And now back to the good (lol):
[Romance had returned to my life.] nice way to start off your story. It draws in the reader and maes sure that we pay attention.
[My marriage was not false and my husband no ogre. His only fault was that he had a job that called him away too often and for too long.] I really liked this, because ppl often overexaggerate in real life and in the back of their head, they know what they're doing. To see your narrator do this as well helps to give her dimension
[I certainly never intended for my heart to turn me into a traitor] another detail that adds to her real-ness if you will. Throughout the story, you defined your narrator really well. She has desires and she has flaws, just like the redt of us.
And onto the last paragraph. I simply loved it. At first, I have to admit that I was confused. But by the time that I was finished, just woww...the sharp contrast between her perception of a fairytale from the beginning and her perception at the end just really brought everything in a full circle and helped show her progress. Also, the last line was just amazing. Short and simple, it had a definitive ring to it. She's realized her mistake and can now take a clear stand. There's no budging this woman.
All in all, great job. Happy writing! ^^
1/31/2008 c1 1HIme1221
heart-wrenching...heart-breaking...it almost made me cry. I think it was very well written. I like the medieval references, it definetely added to the story for me! You're my first review in lyk 2 months..and thats a big compliment! Thanks 4 the review by the way! Fav stories here we go! lol.
X-hime1221
1HIme1221heart-wrenching...heart-breaking...it almost made me cry. I think it was very well written. I like the medieval references, it definetely added to the story for me! You're my first review in lyk 2 months..and thats a big compliment! Thanks 4 the review by the way! Fav stories here we go! lol.
X-hime1221
9/21/2005 c1 15dbz 77
I love this short story. It is an accurate portrayal of what people go through when they engage in this terrible sin.
15dbz 77I love this short story. It is an accurate portrayal of what people go through when they engage in this terrible sin.
10/30/2004 c1 4Jazzy Kitty
Wow, I really like this. Short, but to the point, and it conveys the message effectively. Your writing is smooth and flowing; great job!
4Jazzy KittyWow, I really like this. Short, but to the point, and it conveys the message effectively. Your writing is smooth and flowing; great job!