for America's Sweetheart6/14/2015 c6 
4infireandice
Biiiiiiiiiitch, what got into Eve? Burgers and Jesse sound infinitely better than Luke and Thai. I get that she got mad at his sudden protectiveness but she did make plans and she does like him so what the heeeeeeeeeck?
4infireandiceBiiiiiiiiiitch, what got into Eve? Burgers and Jesse sound infinitely better than Luke and Thai. I get that she got mad at his sudden protectiveness but she did make plans and she does like him so what the heeeeeeeeeck?
11/24/2011 c6 1leavesfallingup
This is killin me! I love this story and find your writing style and humor to be excellent. Now, however, I deeply regret reading your story... perhaps I should have noticed the last update date before beginning?
Update? Soon? Please?
1leavesfallingupThis is killin me! I love this story and find your writing style and humor to be excellent. Now, however, I deeply regret reading your story... perhaps I should have noticed the last update date before beginning?
Update? Soon? Please?
5/30/2011 c2 Follow-The-Spiders
Ah, IB Biology HL: Option E Evolution - Australopithicus afarensis and A. africanus.
Which one is Clayton?
By the way, the change in narrative action was very confusing at first. Could you add in a break so that we know that there's a change, please?
Jesse (ahem, Julian) whines a lot; he's quite annoying. I mean no offence at all.
I, honestly, prefer Eve's narration to his, but this technique (of switching between the characters) does allow the reader to understand the characters' personalities.
Again, a few grammatical errors.
Otherwise, good job.
Ah, IB Biology HL: Option E Evolution - Australopithicus afarensis and A. africanus.
Which one is Clayton?
By the way, the change in narrative action was very confusing at first. Could you add in a break so that we know that there's a change, please?
Jesse (ahem, Julian) whines a lot; he's quite annoying. I mean no offence at all.
I, honestly, prefer Eve's narration to his, but this technique (of switching between the characters) does allow the reader to understand the characters' personalities.
Again, a few grammatical errors.
Otherwise, good job.
5/30/2011 c1 Guest
You wrote Cambodia down in your story. More than half the people in the world do not know where that is. (No, it is not in Africa!)
Sorry, I get very excited when I see that word; I've seen it three times so far on FP.
But aside from that, I like how you've introduced Eve. She's sarcastic yet humorous, not overtly studious, induces enough intrigue for a reader to continue on to the next chapter, and I like her sass.
Somehow, the paragraph about Eve's mom sounds a bit callous, but if her narrative style is to develop her personality (to flesh her out, that is), then it's fine.
By the way, grammatical errors do exist, just letting you know. For example, "she wanted me recognized before she died". Grammatically speaking, it should be "she wanted me to be recognized before she died/dies", but in speech, what you've written works. But that's only when speaking, not when it's written.
Otherwise, good job! I'll definitely be reading and reviewing this story!
You wrote Cambodia down in your story. More than half the people in the world do not know where that is. (No, it is not in Africa!)
Sorry, I get very excited when I see that word; I've seen it three times so far on FP.
But aside from that, I like how you've introduced Eve. She's sarcastic yet humorous, not overtly studious, induces enough intrigue for a reader to continue on to the next chapter, and I like her sass.
Somehow, the paragraph about Eve's mom sounds a bit callous, but if her narrative style is to develop her personality (to flesh her out, that is), then it's fine.
By the way, grammatical errors do exist, just letting you know. For example, "she wanted me recognized before she died". Grammatically speaking, it should be "she wanted me to be recognized before she died/dies", but in speech, what you've written works. But that's only when speaking, not when it's written.
Otherwise, good job! I'll definitely be reading and reviewing this story!
4/19/2011 c2 5BlueAki
I think it's hilarious how judgemental Clay and Jesse are of Eve without even knowing anything about her. Jesse is being an asshole to her because she's getting attention and Clay is just an asshole in general. I like Eve though.
5BlueAkiI think it's hilarious how judgemental Clay and Jesse are of Eve without even knowing anything about her. Jesse is being an asshole to her because she's getting attention and Clay is just an asshole in general. I like Eve though.
12/31/2010 c6 leavemeialone
AH! I love this. I have no idea who I like the best, but Eve is so awesome. I guess I like Luke the least. I hope you continue writing, since it is so exciting and that you write so wonderfully. I know you have gone for a long hiatus, but it'll be cool if you would continue this lovely lovely story. I just want to tell you that I appreciate this story and I really really like it. :)
AH! I love this. I have no idea who I like the best, but Eve is so awesome. I guess I like Luke the least. I hope you continue writing, since it is so exciting and that you write so wonderfully. I know you have gone for a long hiatus, but it'll be cool if you would continue this lovely lovely story. I just want to tell you that I appreciate this story and I really really like it. :)
9/27/2010 c6 far
Noo (+extra "o"s)!
*dramatic sob*
Waa!
I want my America's Sweetheart!
Ah well, I'll just... mentally encourage you! YOU GO GIRL (...or guy (kidding!))
hmm goodbye + good luck with writing
Noo (+extra "o"s)!
*dramatic sob*
Waa!
I want my America's Sweetheart!
Ah well, I'll just... mentally encourage you! YOU GO GIRL (...or guy (kidding!))
hmm goodbye + good luck with writing
7/31/2010 c6 buznuz1
it is currently 4:30 am and i have school tomorrow, but god was this story worth it, I'm not going to bother asking you to update because it's pretty obvious that when someone leaves a story alone for 5 years, they're not going to revisit it, but in the insane hope than in 8 years time you'll remember all you adorable fans that have been waiting 13 years to hear about Luke and Eve's date and update (please!) I am still going to put both this story and you on Alert/Subscription so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE! I'm dying to find out what happens, and otherwise I'll have to make up an ending in my head, and G-d knows with my imagination she'll end up with Taylor Lautner! ;P
it is currently 4:30 am and i have school tomorrow, but god was this story worth it, I'm not going to bother asking you to update because it's pretty obvious that when someone leaves a story alone for 5 years, they're not going to revisit it, but in the insane hope than in 8 years time you'll remember all you adorable fans that have been waiting 13 years to hear about Luke and Eve's date and update (please!) I am still going to put both this story and you on Alert/Subscription so PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE UPDATE! I'm dying to find out what happens, and otherwise I'll have to make up an ending in my head, and G-d knows with my imagination she'll end up with Taylor Lautner! ;P
9/19/2009 c6 ldvk
please update! lol. please?
please update! lol. please?
2/6/2009 c6 9PoorEnglishArtist
She's ridiculous in this chapter. Blowing up about Jesse getting jealous? I would have found it quite cute. She's all 'omg i'm SO into Jesse' he says ONE thing out of turn and suddenly she's all ice-queen and 'omg Luke, you know french, you're cute and you're stalking me, let's have some Thai" completely dumping Jesse? Way stupid man, WAY stupid.
Slight continuity error in chapter 5 too: She says that her mom isn't her birth mom...so how come Jesse noticed their similarities in appearance as mother and daughter?
Other than that, this is an awesome fic, I really do like it, wish you would continue - maybe review it a little, make the characters more...rounded/real. No that sounds harsh. They ARE pretty good. hm. Just look over it 'kay?
Happy writing!
9PoorEnglishArtistShe's ridiculous in this chapter. Blowing up about Jesse getting jealous? I would have found it quite cute. She's all 'omg i'm SO into Jesse' he says ONE thing out of turn and suddenly she's all ice-queen and 'omg Luke, you know french, you're cute and you're stalking me, let's have some Thai" completely dumping Jesse? Way stupid man, WAY stupid.
Slight continuity error in chapter 5 too: She says that her mom isn't her birth mom...so how come Jesse noticed their similarities in appearance as mother and daughter?
Other than that, this is an awesome fic, I really do like it, wish you would continue - maybe review it a little, make the characters more...rounded/real. No that sounds harsh. They ARE pretty good. hm. Just look over it 'kay?
Happy writing!
1/28/2009 c6 sarcasm is my middle name
ooh, that's harsh!
This is such a great story...
Please update!
ooh, that's harsh!
This is such a great story...
Please update!