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for Alexander

5/15/2005 c1 2DJ Caligula
Allah? You have someone mentioning "Allah" almost a thousand years before the birth of the prophet Mohammed and the beginning of Islam in the 7th century AD? Sure, the name "Allah" for God was used before Mohammed's birth by Arab Christians, but there is absolutely no way that someone would have been using that term in the 4th century BC. If your main character is Arab, then she would probably worship a goddess named Allat. But the Persians of this time period were Zoroastrians, and would be until the Islamic conquest. This isn't just a trivial matter of "inaccuracy"; it's a matter of caring enough about your story and subject matter to do some basic research. After all, you wouldn't make Alexander a Christian, would you?
3/20/2005 c1 2romanticstoryz
Is this story finish? This is really good. I hope it's not the end of it. You havent updated this story for so long! UPDATE, well, if it's not finished yet.. :)
3/6/2005 c1 aranel abeille
ok, so maybe you were only slightly historically accurate. whatever. good story nonetheless.
3/6/2005 c1 aranel abeille
well done! I wasn't really sure what to expect from this, but it's really very good. good job being historically accurate, and I loved your description of alexander. arrogant, but not so much that the reader hates him. and i loved the ending. :)
1/29/2005 c1 Sarah
You're story is fantastic! Descriptive and I love the social structure that you set up in the harem. I think that it would stand best alone. Don't add too much or you'll ruin it. I think that there could be more about the developping relationship with Alexander and Aliyeh. But don't add too much. As you can see, I'm not too concerned with the historical significance of the story.
1/29/2005 c1 ellabella
i don't know if you plan to make this longer or not but it would do as is. it could be a short story. i need to write some of those, i've only got two stories up, one i've put on hold til i finish the other one. yawn, i must go. school starts for me again soon (i live in australia. cya.


p.s.- i like your other story, it's great!
11/20/2004 c1 Winnie
Excellent, I tell you, just excellent. I just read yours out of curiosity but it captured my heart. Never mind it is historically accurate or not but Alexander did marry a princess of persia. Sorry for punctuation mistake, my p is not working so I have to copy and paste but oh, what am I saying, good job! Keep the story going!
11/7/2004 c1 captainr3tardo
wow..this was an awesome story...i loved the ending
although there were some weird parts...it was still good...
xD good job!
11/6/2004 c1 43lronMaiden
Pretty darn great so far. I did a humongous essay on Alexander not long - i'm no EXPERT - but i do know a few things. You haven't made any terrible history blunders, because you've avoided the details. Perhaps you could say that Darius excaped (he wasn't killed in the battle) and was later killed by a satrap called Bessus, who wanted to please Alexander. Just little things like that can add more depth to your story. I know he married Roxane when he conquered Persia, but that's better left out in this story because he falls in love with the heroine. But don't forget that Alexander also preferred men, and was very close with his friend Hephaestion.
How long will this story be? if it will be novel length, then i suggest adding more detail and extending your pace, because so far everything happens so fast. I didn't even have enough time to ponder the fact that the heroine will fall in love with him. But if it's only a short story, don't overdo the detail.
I think you could livel up Alexander more by describing him physically. he had a very unique appearance... his head was slightly tilted to the side sometimes, he MAY have had 2 different coloured eyes (one brown one blue) his hair was deep blonde and wavy-ish, and he was fair-skinned. He also had a sweet, musky smell about him.
But anyway, sorry to ramble. Your story so far is very well written, i like your language. It's visual, i could picture everything, so as far as that goes, everything's great. Just that tad more of depth and detail wouldn't hurt. Otherwise, excellent for a first draft and i'll be waiting for more.
PS. There's losts of stuff on the internet about him, but feel free to e-mail me if you have any questions. I'll TRY, but i don't know all of it. Heh, who does?
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