4/2/2008 c18 RomeLi
I really liked this story. Next time mark it as complete, so I could find it easier! Thanks for posting
I really liked this story. Next time mark it as complete, so I could find it easier! Thanks for posting
7/29/2006 c15 carma627
It was like the cliché of the girl who had been badly before by a previous lover, and then the sensitive, bow-lipped hero had to make her feel again and heal her. Well, like that, except Jo hadn’t ever had her heart broken. And Morgan wasn’t exactly the sensitive hero type. And he definitely didn’t have bow- shaped lips. She had noticed.
LOVE IT!
It was like the cliché of the girl who had been badly before by a previous lover, and then the sensitive, bow-lipped hero had to make her feel again and heal her. Well, like that, except Jo hadn’t ever had her heart broken. And Morgan wasn’t exactly the sensitive hero type. And he definitely didn’t have bow- shaped lips. She had noticed.
LOVE IT!
7/29/2006 c14 carma627
I think the strongest aspect of your writing is the flow of your vocabulary. How you use good words but they don't seem out of place and just fit perfectly. Its a hard balance. I've read a lot of stuff with just really horrible vocab and then stuff where the author tries too hard to use big words. yay you.
I think the strongest aspect of your writing is the flow of your vocabulary. How you use good words but they don't seem out of place and just fit perfectly. Its a hard balance. I've read a lot of stuff with just really horrible vocab and then stuff where the author tries too hard to use big words. yay you.
7/29/2006 c13 carma627
sorry if this is kind of pointed, but your I/me use and her/she, he/him use is driving me nuts! aghh. Try taking out the other subject. For example if you want to say "me and him went to the store"... think would you ever say "me went to the store"? no! you'd say "I went to the stor". So it'd be "He and I went to the store". get it? sorry if that made no sense. tell me if you'd like help. sorry I'm a grammar nazi.
sorry if this is kind of pointed, but your I/me use and her/she, he/him use is driving me nuts! aghh. Try taking out the other subject. For example if you want to say "me and him went to the store"... think would you ever say "me went to the store"? no! you'd say "I went to the stor". So it'd be "He and I went to the store". get it? sorry if that made no sense. tell me if you'd like help. sorry I'm a grammar nazi.
7/29/2006 c12 carma627
"but the use of the hair colour employed as a derogatory term had been ingrained too much into her consciousness to simply abandon the expression."this is beautiful. simply beautiful. Your vocab is right on and you don't sound like your trying to use big words just for the sake of using big words. you actually KNOW what the words mean and use them in a way that utilizes them to the max and sounds great. thank you!
"but the use of the hair colour employed as a derogatory term had been ingrained too much into her consciousness to simply abandon the expression."this is beautiful. simply beautiful. Your vocab is right on and you don't sound like your trying to use big words just for the sake of using big words. you actually KNOW what the words mean and use them in a way that utilizes them to the max and sounds great. thank you!
7/14/2006 c18 4Fiona DeMilo
First of all, thanks for the review of "Give Me Fever", I really do appreciate it. I really enjoyed reading "Boy Meets Girl" and it is such a fun read. The dialogue has a very natural flow, and you definitely have the banter part down. I loved the conclusion, how you went back to the first lines of the story in the last chapter and changed it to reflect how Jo has grown. And especially I liked the "Your face is really weird" exchange. That is something I can see my guy saying to me. Morgan and Jo are so adorable about being unbashedly dopey in love. "Good work" seems too trite to say, but for this story it fits. So keep writing and drop me line if you want to bat around ideas. Sincerely, moonNjupiter
First of all, thanks for the review of "Give Me Fever", I really do appreciate it. I really enjoyed reading "Boy Meets Girl" and it is such a fun read. The dialogue has a very natural flow, and you definitely have the banter part down. I loved the conclusion, how you went back to the first lines of the story in the last chapter and changed it to reflect how Jo has grown. And especially I liked the "Your face is really weird" exchange. That is something I can see my guy saying to me. Morgan and Jo are so adorable about being unbashedly dopey in love. "Good work" seems too trite to say, but for this story it fits. So keep writing and drop me line if you want to bat around ideas. Sincerely, moonNjupiter
6/9/2006 c15 Caer
really getting good, sorry I haven't been keeping up, school's been crazy. I'm really excited, and I hope to read moreof what you wrote soon. Ta!
really getting good, sorry I haven't been keeping up, school's been crazy. I'm really excited, and I hope to read moreof what you wrote soon. Ta!
5/26/2006 c18 Passion's Child
I cant't believe it's over!
I cant't believe it's over!
5/26/2006 c17 Passion's Child
But that's what love is! Sudden and breathtaking!
But that's what love is! Sudden and breathtaking!
5/21/2006 c18 2Danica Blake
Yay!
Ok, you want constructive criticism.
Damn.
I liked your fic-it was very cute. The character interactions were fine! I think that was the strongest and most enjoyable part of the story.
Dialogue was well written as well. I see no problems there.
Oh, I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but I love how Morgan randomly does embarrassing things and gets caught by his mom every time. It's awesome.
You could have extended the chapters, or the story itself, but I don't think that's necessary (or totally advisable). It's good as is and I really like the ending that you have. Continuing the story when they get home wouldn't really help because now that they're together and happy, I (personally) felt a sense of closure.
Once again, you've done a great job!
Danica
Yay!
Ok, you want constructive criticism.
Damn.
I liked your fic-it was very cute. The character interactions were fine! I think that was the strongest and most enjoyable part of the story.
Dialogue was well written as well. I see no problems there.
Oh, I can't remember if I mentioned this before, but I love how Morgan randomly does embarrassing things and gets caught by his mom every time. It's awesome.
You could have extended the chapters, or the story itself, but I don't think that's necessary (or totally advisable). It's good as is and I really like the ending that you have. Continuing the story when they get home wouldn't really help because now that they're together and happy, I (personally) felt a sense of closure.
Once again, you've done a great job!
Danica