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11/17/2004 c1 Stories-have-souls
Cool, nice poem.
By the way, is there soemthing wrong with the website because I can't login.
11/17/2004 c1 Wosie
That is really good. How long did it take you to write? it is exellent.
11/17/2004 c1 Lowell Boston
I agree, this doesn't work well as a list format. I think you need to construct your lines using metaphors and similes. Perhaps work on the idea suggested by your first few lines:
I Hold you in my thoughts
when your arms are not there.
Be there for me
make me the shadow to your light.
miss me when I'm gone,
For I may be in the space between the stars.
Not great, but the above example has a visual element that you need to place into your poem, to 'paint' your ideas, your thoughts and feelings into your reader's mind. There's a lot of potential in this piece. Don't give up.

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