for The Choice3/7/2005 c2 
4lindserly
i really think this story has potential. here's another suggestion from me (i feel like such a b* right now): I think maybe this story would be better in the first person. Because then we would get a sense of Sara's thoughts and feelings without having to have her talk to herself all the time. I just think it would work better. I hope this is being taken the way I want it to be. I just think a re write would perfect all the potential this story has.
4lindserlyi really think this story has potential. here's another suggestion from me (i feel like such a b* right now): I think maybe this story would be better in the first person. Because then we would get a sense of Sara's thoughts and feelings without having to have her talk to herself all the time. I just think it would work better. I hope this is being taken the way I want it to be. I just think a re write would perfect all the potential this story has.
3/7/2005 c1 lindserly
hey it's a good plot. but with the writing style there is room for improvement. just minor changes though, so that flows better. if you want an example i can email you about it and show you what i mean.
hey it's a good plot. but with the writing style there is room for improvement. just minor changes though, so that flows better. if you want an example i can email you about it and show you what i mean.
2/24/2005 c16 5Sasha Rogozinsky
When I finished this story, i got bored reading it. who would believe in a monster telling someone to lose weight? and the lest 6 chaps. or so it was all the same. sara and tom say they love eachother tara says i love you guys and people cry. kinda boring
5Sasha RogozinskyWhen I finished this story, i got bored reading it. who would believe in a monster telling someone to lose weight? and the lest 6 chaps. or so it was all the same. sara and tom say they love eachother tara says i love you guys and people cry. kinda boring
2/24/2005 c1 Sasha Rogozinsky
She reminds me of me. Liek im not aneroxic or bulimic, but I'm seriuously conserned about my weight. When I was in 5th grade, i weighed 58 pounds, and when I got to sixth grade i waas almost 70. I cried like crazy almost every night, because my weight is a serious issue with me. It's like being thin makes me proud, even crazy thin, scary thin. Well, I am still trying o lose weight.
She reminds me of me. Liek im not aneroxic or bulimic, but I'm seriuously conserned about my weight. When I was in 5th grade, i weighed 58 pounds, and when I got to sixth grade i waas almost 70. I cried like crazy almost every night, because my weight is a serious issue with me. It's like being thin makes me proud, even crazy thin, scary thin. Well, I am still trying o lose weight.
2/4/2005 c1 Me. Again
i agree with many of the other negative reviews. its hard to understand. i mean, you used 'w/' this is not MSN! its for people to write good stories, not little msn convos or someones day. i find its rushed and it lacks a lot of things needed in a story. its just she eats, throws up, exersises, almost gets caught oh no!
i agree with many of the other negative reviews. its hard to understand. i mean, you used 'w/' this is not MSN! its for people to write good stories, not little msn convos or someones day. i find its rushed and it lacks a lot of things needed in a story. its just she eats, throws up, exersises, almost gets caught oh no!
2/4/2005 c3 Me
well, i'm confused. i dont know what the point of the story is. i read up to chapter 3 and its all, 'she went home, threw up the food. 5 hours late, bla bla bla.' where is it going? work harder on the conflict and show what the story is about! great potential.
well, i'm confused. i dont know what the point of the story is. i read up to chapter 3 and its all, 'she went home, threw up the food. 5 hours late, bla bla bla.' where is it going? work harder on the conflict and show what the story is about! great potential.
1/11/2005 c10 Amelia
ugh. do you know anyone who has an eating disorder?they don't ever stop trying to lose weight. like ashley decided to stop losing weight at 90 pounds. they don't ever stop. ever.and complimenting on each others weight loss is right, but the thinner the better.you're completely off when ashley tells her to stop losing weight or that she's decided on 90 pounds. that could never happen.
ugh. do you know anyone who has an eating disorder?they don't ever stop trying to lose weight. like ashley decided to stop losing weight at 90 pounds. they don't ever stop. ever.and complimenting on each others weight loss is right, but the thinner the better.you're completely off when ashley tells her to stop losing weight or that she's decided on 90 pounds. that could never happen.
1/11/2005 c8 6Love Kills Slowly
I already read this chapter, but I just wanted to say how sorry I was for my stupid spelling error in my last review. I was typing too fast. Anyway, I hope you update soon!
6Love Kills SlowlyI already read this chapter, but I just wanted to say how sorry I was for my stupid spelling error in my last review. I was typing too fast. Anyway, I hope you update soon!
1/11/2005 c2 Ami
the amount of weight she's losing is a little weird. honestly i don't think it's enough for being bulimic. you can lose up to 20 pounds in about 2 weeks if you have extra weight. and she's at 150 in the next chapter, so unless she's about 5'9" she has quite a bit of extra weight.because when i'm healthily dieting i can lose about 5 in one week, and i'm right on target according to my doctor.
the amount of weight she's losing is a little weird. honestly i don't think it's enough for being bulimic. you can lose up to 20 pounds in about 2 weeks if you have extra weight. and she's at 150 in the next chapter, so unless she's about 5'9" she has quite a bit of extra weight.because when i'm healthily dieting i can lose about 5 in one week, and i'm right on target according to my doctor.
1/11/2005 c3 Amelia
i like this story. but it's lacking storiness. it tends to be a bit bland at times.it's too cut and dried i think. adding more description will really help. make it so we can see the same picture you see. describe her surroundings, friends, mom, what she did. it's ok to add in a little bit of extraneous conversation sometimes too. good luck
i like this story. but it's lacking storiness. it tends to be a bit bland at times.it's too cut and dried i think. adding more description will really help. make it so we can see the same picture you see. describe her surroundings, friends, mom, what she did. it's ok to add in a little bit of extraneous conversation sometimes too. good luck
1/10/2005 c7 Alice
It has potential, but the cutting was unreal. You know why she does it but there no emotions behind it. It was just like.
"She cut herself! Then walked away." Its more than that. Much more.
It has potential, but the cutting was unreal. You know why she does it but there no emotions behind it. It was just like.
"She cut herself! Then walked away." Its more than that. Much more.
1/10/2005 c16 Love Kills Slowly
Great chapter! PLEASE SEAQUAL! Anyway, thanks for the review for Along Came a Boy. Can't wait to see if you make a seaqual!
Great chapter! PLEASE SEAQUAL! Anyway, thanks for the review for Along Came a Boy. Can't wait to see if you make a seaqual!
1/7/2005 c1 Sarah
I really like this story, as it uncludes practically everything that I am going through right now. So I can relate to it. You are a great writer and I hope you update soon! x Sarah.
I really like this story, as it uncludes practically everything that I am going through right now. So I can relate to it. You are a great writer and I hope you update soon! x Sarah.
1/6/2005 c15 Love Kills Slowly
Wow. Good chapter. Update soon. /Oh, and thanks for the review for Along Came a Boy. Glad you like it! (:
Wow. Good chapter. Update soon. /Oh, and thanks for the review for Along Came a Boy. Glad you like it! (: