for The Choice1/3/2005 c1 
2jarvis100
I loved this story. Altough I am a guy, I beleive this storie was great. You are a great writer.
2jarvis100I loved this story. Altough I am a guy, I beleive this storie was great. You are a great writer.
12/14/2004 c9 6Love Kills Slowly
Your grammar and spelling has improved! I'm very proud of you. The story is coming along okay, but it's a little boring. Add a little twist, or maybe a couple cliffhangers. Otherwise, it's not that bad.
6Love Kills SlowlyYour grammar and spelling has improved! I'm very proud of you. The story is coming along okay, but it's a little boring. Add a little twist, or maybe a couple cliffhangers. Otherwise, it's not that bad.
12/6/2004 c6 anabella00
not bad, and the part about cutting when you do bad, it's a realtiy thing, so well thought out. Just remember though cutting is addictive just like starving so you might want to go in deeper with that. But good story bye
not bad, and the part about cutting when you do bad, it's a realtiy thing, so well thought out. Just remember though cutting is addictive just like starving so you might want to go in deeper with that. But good story bye
12/4/2004 c6 Nickster25
Fist of all: Stop adding elements to the story!
2) PLEASE check your spelling, take time to actaully read over what you wrote. (It show your readers that you care.)
3) This story has great potenial but with adding things and not being consistent (i.e.: her weight went 120 in the first chapter to 150 in the thrid chapter. Is it just me or is there something wrong with that?)
4) I didn't even read chapter 6 because your author's note suddnely adds the fact that she is a cutter. - You can't just add details to a story that perviously never even mentioned the fact that she could EVEN be thinking about cutting herself, and then change it again.
5)Stay on track with what is going on in character's life.If she was a real person her weight wouldn't start out as 120 then suddenly change to 150. Consistenty is key to any good author's work.
I've dealt with every one of these issues, and I'm glad someone if writing about, but if you don't even care about your story who else will?
I'm telling you this to simply better writing. I hope think about it. Good luck.
Fist of all: Stop adding elements to the story!
2) PLEASE check your spelling, take time to actaully read over what you wrote. (It show your readers that you care.)
3) This story has great potenial but with adding things and not being consistent (i.e.: her weight went 120 in the first chapter to 150 in the thrid chapter. Is it just me or is there something wrong with that?)
4) I didn't even read chapter 6 because your author's note suddnely adds the fact that she is a cutter. - You can't just add details to a story that perviously never even mentioned the fact that she could EVEN be thinking about cutting herself, and then change it again.
5)Stay on track with what is going on in character's life.If she was a real person her weight wouldn't start out as 120 then suddenly change to 150. Consistenty is key to any good author's work.
I've dealt with every one of these issues, and I'm glad someone if writing about, but if you don't even care about your story who else will?
I'm telling you this to simply better writing. I hope think about it. Good luck.
12/4/2004 c6 Love Kills Slowly
-Shudders- I'm such a whimp. I hate blood. I don't think I could ever cut myself. Anyway, aside from the shortness, this chapter was good.
-Shudders- I'm such a whimp. I hate blood. I don't think I could ever cut myself. Anyway, aside from the shortness, this chapter was good.
12/4/2004 c5 Love Kills Slowly
DecembersEclipse here. I changed my Pen Name. Anyway, I was glad when I saw that you updated. I really started to like this story. All you really need to work on is your grammar and spelling, otherwise, this story is really, really good.
I feel bad for Sara. She obviously needs some help. She's an interesting character, and she's very fun to read about. Keep up the good work.
A. Nicki :)
DecembersEclipse here. I changed my Pen Name. Anyway, I was glad when I saw that you updated. I really started to like this story. All you really need to work on is your grammar and spelling, otherwise, this story is really, really good.
I feel bad for Sara. She obviously needs some help. She's an interesting character, and she's very fun to read about. Keep up the good work.
A. Nicki :)
12/1/2004 c4 Love Kills Slowly
This chapter was much better, I think. The story still needs some work, but if you watch your spelling and grammar, make your chapters longer, it would more interesting.
Also, make the plot more interesting. You have a good story going so far. But you got me a little confused. Who is Tara? Is she Sara's friend? Just becareful when you write so people understand. I'm sorry my reviews offended you, but sometimes people have to be harsh about certain things.
Just try to take my advice, okay? I hope you don't hate me! I'm not really that mean, even though I might sound mean. Just try to watch your spelling and grammar and the story will be great.
This chapter was much better, I think. The story still needs some work, but if you watch your spelling and grammar, make your chapters longer, it would more interesting.
Also, make the plot more interesting. You have a good story going so far. But you got me a little confused. Who is Tara? Is she Sara's friend? Just becareful when you write so people understand. I'm sorry my reviews offended you, but sometimes people have to be harsh about certain things.
Just try to take my advice, okay? I hope you don't hate me! I'm not really that mean, even though I might sound mean. Just try to watch your spelling and grammar and the story will be great.
12/1/2004 c3 11yourevilsoul
Hey,this story is really really good..!it's interesting 2 see wat is going 2 happen 2 the main charaCter.well keep up the story! im really enjoying it!dani
11yourevilsoulHey,this story is really really good..!it's interesting 2 see wat is going 2 happen 2 the main charaCter.well keep up the story! im really enjoying it!dani
11/30/2004 c3 3Close Your Eyes and Dream
DecembersEclipse, you shouldnt be so harsh. Witchgirl is just writing what she likes.
Anyways, great story. and i read ur profile and AVRIL ROCKS! and lurlene mcdaniel. o sory im geting off the subject, and im getting to lazy to write complete words.
like i said. GREAT story.
3Close Your Eyes and DreamDecembersEclipse, you shouldnt be so harsh. Witchgirl is just writing what she likes.
Anyways, great story. and i read ur profile and AVRIL ROCKS! and lurlene mcdaniel. o sory im geting off the subject, and im getting to lazy to write complete words.
like i said. GREAT story.
11/30/2004 c2 Love Kills Slowly
I usually never write reviews like this. But I never read such horrible, horrible-written stories like this before. Why did you even write this? I'm sorry, but this is just plain terrible.
I usually never write reviews like this. But I never read such horrible, horrible-written stories like this before. Why did you even write this? I'm sorry, but this is just plain terrible.
11/30/2004 c1 Love Kills Slowly
First of all, I'd like to say that you have no talent at all. You should never start a chapter with a conversation, esp. the first chapter. It just looks stupid.
Also, you never use '&' instead of 'and'. If you're too lazy to write out words, then why write at all? Fictionpress if for people who love to write. Also, what really disturbed me is this story is not about anorexia. It is about bulimia. Anorexia is when people strave themselves. Bulimia is when people makes themselves throw up, which Sara does in your story. So get your storyline straight.
First of all, I'd like to say that you have no talent at all. You should never start a chapter with a conversation, esp. the first chapter. It just looks stupid.
Also, you never use '&' instead of 'and'. If you're too lazy to write out words, then why write at all? Fictionpress if for people who love to write. Also, what really disturbed me is this story is not about anorexia. It is about bulimia. Anorexia is when people strave themselves. Bulimia is when people makes themselves throw up, which Sara does in your story. So get your storyline straight.
11/23/2004 c1 11yourevilsoul
I hope you continue this story,it's really good, i'd like 2 see what happens. If u want u can read my story cookie cravings its about a girl with anorexia 2.good luck with the story
11yourevilsoulI hope you continue this story,it's really good, i'd like 2 see what happens. If u want u can read my story cookie cravings its about a girl with anorexia 2.good luck with the story