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for Currahee!

12/30/2004 c3 5sixtytwokg
yeah dude i like the rewrite of the first chapter, i'm feeling it. a lot more original, it's a whole new story and i'm betting you feel a lot better about it. it's yours, you know.

"Flak and tracer bullets came up, racing to be faster to strike a target than the shell next to it."

you've got good descriptions (that one was pretty effective i thought) and characterization, like you've given the chapter three characters and in like less than two thousand words you have made each of them so different from one another, which is difficult to do. you could list each character's name and i could write a healthy paragraph for each one just from this chapter just because they contrast with each other so well.

yeah man and you had good focus, you kept all that description and characterization pointed at one idea and brought it together at the end of the chapter, that's awesome dude.

i'm feeling it man, this is going somewhere.
11/30/2004 c1 sixtytwokg
what's up my man.

i've noticed that you're a fan of Band of Brothers, that shows here, a lot of influence from the series, which may or may not be a good thing but it looks like it's developing into a re-telling of the same story.

one thing to keep in mind is that while Band of Brothers was an OK tv series it's not something to follow, you know, like it's a dramatized account of one company, there are better ways of going with a story and there are better stories out there.

another thing to think about is what you want to do with this story. like what do you want the story to mean, i'm not saying it's got to be some kind of symbolic allegory but what's your inspiration behind the story. Ambrose provided insights into everyday guys displaying heroic traits in combat in some of his books, like in Citizen Soldiers, you know, it wasn't just a historic account, he had a personal reason for writing.

an easy way to start is just like looking back on your research and finding some detail that kind of stuck out, you know, something that you thought was uniquely interesting. like a lot of the time, like when i read accounts of the action around Caen, i'll think it's weird how like the Brits would take surrendering Germans in, but later on in that same day, in the same unit, the Brits will gun down some Germans giving up because they'd been killing each other all day and they were pissed. like you're not supposed to make it personal in a war but it's unavoidable, you know, how can killing not be personal. just stuff like that, you find stuff that says something to you and you build a story around it.

i just think that you know, you can keep going with this and finish it in a few months but what will it mean, you know. it will be a story based on another story and it won't have substance, it will be a waste. but if you like find something in your research that means something to you and you go with that, even if nobody else in the world reads it when you're done it'll still mean something because that's your take on what happened and what it meant. also when you infuse your own personal insight into what you write it makes it like a hundred times better, you know, there's more depth in what is told.

i don't want to discourage you, you know, that's the last thing i want to do, you're into some part of history and that's good, that's where we all came from right, but from the looks of it this is going to be a replica of Band of Brothers and i just think that if you made it personal, you know, if you found something in the history you know that means something to you you could write your own story and it'd put Band of Brothers to shame.

it's an OK series but i dunno. it seemed kind of altrustic, really idealistic. i didn't like the way the characters and the events were portrayed but i liked the way they put the stories together (episode 5 in particular) and of course the shaky-cam action.

anyways though keep writing, at the very least it'll be good practice.

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