for Destiny of a Warrior and the Life of a Queen12/9/2004 c1 Evan07
This is really wonderful. I really love it. Your style is really mature and descriptive. Update soon. Great job. If you have time, would you review my story? It's very short. Thanks.
This is really wonderful. I really love it. Your style is really mature and descriptive. Update soon. Great job. If you have time, would you review my story? It's very short. Thanks.
12/4/2004 c2 
17Bob n Kazzi
Oh! Headstrong Queen! I like this story, and the fact that women are mainly the rulers. I like it hun, update soon.
17Bob n KazziOh! Headstrong Queen! I like this story, and the fact that women are mainly the rulers. I like it hun, update soon.
11/30/2004 c1 Bob n Kazzi
I didn't know you had started another story! It looks really good, I love all the imagery. Hope to see you update any of your stories soon (hint hint)
I didn't know you had started another story! It looks really good, I love all the imagery. Hope to see you update any of your stories soon (hint hint)
11/29/2004 c1 Chagan
Seems to set the mood you're going for quite well. Couple of problems first-
"Tomorrow they would wake up and none would know of it. Tomorrow it would all be forgotten...all the love and purity and dignity will be dust and the reign of evil will rise again" - You've started the sentence in 3rd person and ended in 2nd person; it should end with "evil would rise again".
You tend to break it up into too many fragments- theres hardly a full paragraph anywhere.
And finally, it seems pointless to declare that shes illegitimate when saying who she is at the end.
Otherwise, I like the departure from your previous stuff, which has been dominated by love stories (dont mind me, I dont like stories, they're all the same to me :\). The mood's nicer, if not a bit graphic. Lets see where it goes.
Seems to set the mood you're going for quite well. Couple of problems first-
"Tomorrow they would wake up and none would know of it. Tomorrow it would all be forgotten...all the love and purity and dignity will be dust and the reign of evil will rise again" - You've started the sentence in 3rd person and ended in 2nd person; it should end with "evil would rise again".
You tend to break it up into too many fragments- theres hardly a full paragraph anywhere.
And finally, it seems pointless to declare that shes illegitimate when saying who she is at the end.
Otherwise, I like the departure from your previous stuff, which has been dominated by love stories (dont mind me, I dont like stories, they're all the same to me :\). The mood's nicer, if not a bit graphic. Lets see where it goes.