for Coming Home12/25/2007 c5 
3Fairytale Gurl
oh the mystery thickens!
please update soon!
and i'll be emailing you ;)
3Fairytale Gurloh the mystery thickens!
please update soon!
and i'll be emailing you ;)
12/9/2007 c4 1Katherine-the-greate
i want to see what happens in the rest of this chapter!
thanks for posting!
1Katherine-the-greatei want to see what happens in the rest of this chapter!
thanks for posting!
12/8/2007 c3 Katherine-the-greate
what happened to the letter?... i wonder who killed her
thanks for posting this great story
what happened to the letter?... i wonder who killed her
thanks for posting this great story
12/8/2007 c2 Katherine-the-greate
great chapter. I really like Mr. Beaumont and Abbey. I kind of don't know too much about Jesse, though. there isn't a lot to make an assumption of other than the fact that you tell us that he is hyper active and can act cute.
thanks for posting
please update soon =)
great chapter. I really like Mr. Beaumont and Abbey. I kind of don't know too much about Jesse, though. there isn't a lot to make an assumption of other than the fact that you tell us that he is hyper active and can act cute.
thanks for posting
please update soon =)
9/30/2007 c5 Sarah
YAY! YOU UPDATED! I have been waiting for you to update for years; I love the reworked and new chapters! Please don't leave me wallowing in suspense for another year + (i.e. update soon!). Abbey needs to realize just how wonderful Matthew is for her and Jesse!
YAY! YOU UPDATED! I have been waiting for you to update for years; I love the reworked and new chapters! Please don't leave me wallowing in suspense for another year + (i.e. update soon!). Abbey needs to realize just how wonderful Matthew is for her and Jesse!
7/6/2007 c5 25tornangelwings
dont stop dont stop i cant wait to read more this is going to be a great piece of work keep going.
25tornangelwingsdont stop dont stop i cant wait to read more this is going to be a great piece of work keep going.
6/13/2007 c3 Strangely Natural
Do I really want you to answer the adoption question? Perhaps not, but I am a curious person so we'll see how long my resolve holds.
*Obliging, Jesse dipped his spoon into the cornflakes and peered curiously at his mother. He knew she was angry about something. She always did that thing with her mouth, and twisted the rings on her fingers the way she was doing right now. Afraid that she was still mad at him for not listening to her the day before, Jesse kept his mouth shut and pretended not to hear her swearing under her breath.* just flows, like a film, exactly as you stated so eloquently in your lovely response.
Hmm, I'm suspect the likable optimistic and supportive Tania, is the murder victim... What exactly is her profession? A client with money, a murder that links Beaumont and Abbey together, probably something involving the hotel and her roomie with a high-class client going against plans, I wonder...
Ah, reading on I see this Jackson fellow being the suspect I'm looking for; and this must be Tania unfortunately: A young woman was admitted to the hospital suffering from an overdose of illegal substances" (seeing how she is pastor Ronald Tyner’s only daughter, I'm guessing) I also take it Abbey doesn't have a TV or newspapers.
“This is serious business, Fitzpatrick,” Peter snapped, angry at the man’s flippant tone, and the fact that George was reminding him of the exact thing he’d been trying to conveniently forget. this is good makes this cute little tidbit relevant: he (Peter) trailed off here and took a large swallow, ignoring the silent nagging in the form of his wife’s reprimanding voice.
Good animatic illustration: Two heads turned as one. The strawberry blonde head was wearing a frown; the raven one sporting an amused expression.
Matthew keep intersting company: Peter is his fatherly responsible and conservative alter ego, and George, his more casual and yet equally serious/thorough alter ego.
The cup breaking when Abbey opened the mysterious letter, signifies a reality skewing with the on set of an event, nicely done.
Multi-facted 3D character: The concept of Matthew Beaumont, owner of a multi-billion-dollar hotel chain, gushing over the typically messy and seriously lacking drawings of a four-year-old was hard to accept as true. Very well done.
Beware the determined child, not willing to be disappointed from a steadfast goal, or promise in this case.
*The wind went out of her as if he’d hit a switch...Then Abbey’s emergency backup power kicked in.* Trippy metaphor.
*He removed his finger and Abbey imagined her lips had never tingled so badly that she wanted to rub them. The thought that this was the first (and obviously last) time he’d touched her lips was sandwiched right in between I’m going to lose my job and take me, take me right now.* Heh, that was funny, very real.
*She nodded, dumbly, knowing it was over and understanding that no amount of pleading or grovelling was going to help her. He was trying to cover that fact by being polite. At least one of them had manners. Another thing she lacked in the quality department. If she continued at this rate, she wouldn’t have anything left.* Rambling thoughts hehe.
*He reached for something on his desk, half leaning over her and allowing her the view of the back of his golden tanned neck that rose from above his loosened collar and tie and she caught his scent; a mixture of soap, man and something else that she couldn’t place.* lovely sensual imagery here.
*She raised the glass obediently, completely transfixed by his voice and the intensity of his chocolate brown eyes. The whiskey burned a path down her throat like liquid fire, straight to her stomach, which growled at the intrusion.* I just adore how you word reactions, similes and personifications galor!
*A drop of whiskey clung to her lower lip and he wanted to suck at it.* Feeling's mutual I'm sure; He's British I see, a trait you have for male protagonists I assume ;)
*“Don’t forget your purse.” The smile that stretched across his face told her more than she wanted to know. Feeling as if the rug had been pulled out from under her feet for the umpteenth time this evening, she tried her best to ignore the bone deep mortification taking over.
Matthew smiled even wider at her retreating back, shamelessly ogling the curves of her backside as she walked away.* that had me laughing out loud ^_~
Matthew apparently needs some female company, maybe Abbey, hopefully ;)
Creative hatred: *A mouldy human toadstool. No, Abbey corrected herself, the bacteria that fed on the fungus that lived off the mouldy toadstool.*
*Matthew was already steering them both to the sofa that stood against the wall, ignoring the glance the Detectives exchanged.* I guess they suspect the blurry line between Employer and this specific employee, to be murkier still now. "Physical looks" often change the course of one's life (un)fortunately.
*“It looks that way. She was found dead in an alley five blocks from your apartment, shot in the chest. Four times.”* Ok my earlier guess seems somewhat off, but I still wonder.
Good progress of emotions during the questioning session: shock, fear, irritation, rationality, worry, sadness, loss, bitter confusion. Very nice.
*A mother, Abbey remembered whom Tania had hated and hadn’t spoken with in years, after she’d been thrown out of the house for having sex at the age of nineteen. One of the few things they’d had in common.* More mysteries unfold.
Nice long chapter, effectively satisifying.
I am happy to say, that I've decided to be your beta ^_^
Do I really want you to answer the adoption question? Perhaps not, but I am a curious person so we'll see how long my resolve holds.
*Obliging, Jesse dipped his spoon into the cornflakes and peered curiously at his mother. He knew she was angry about something. She always did that thing with her mouth, and twisted the rings on her fingers the way she was doing right now. Afraid that she was still mad at him for not listening to her the day before, Jesse kept his mouth shut and pretended not to hear her swearing under her breath.* just flows, like a film, exactly as you stated so eloquently in your lovely response.
Hmm, I'm suspect the likable optimistic and supportive Tania, is the murder victim... What exactly is her profession? A client with money, a murder that links Beaumont and Abbey together, probably something involving the hotel and her roomie with a high-class client going against plans, I wonder...
Ah, reading on I see this Jackson fellow being the suspect I'm looking for; and this must be Tania unfortunately: A young woman was admitted to the hospital suffering from an overdose of illegal substances" (seeing how she is pastor Ronald Tyner’s only daughter, I'm guessing) I also take it Abbey doesn't have a TV or newspapers.
“This is serious business, Fitzpatrick,” Peter snapped, angry at the man’s flippant tone, and the fact that George was reminding him of the exact thing he’d been trying to conveniently forget. this is good makes this cute little tidbit relevant: he (Peter) trailed off here and took a large swallow, ignoring the silent nagging in the form of his wife’s reprimanding voice.
Good animatic illustration: Two heads turned as one. The strawberry blonde head was wearing a frown; the raven one sporting an amused expression.
Matthew keep intersting company: Peter is his fatherly responsible and conservative alter ego, and George, his more casual and yet equally serious/thorough alter ego.
The cup breaking when Abbey opened the mysterious letter, signifies a reality skewing with the on set of an event, nicely done.
Multi-facted 3D character: The concept of Matthew Beaumont, owner of a multi-billion-dollar hotel chain, gushing over the typically messy and seriously lacking drawings of a four-year-old was hard to accept as true. Very well done.
Beware the determined child, not willing to be disappointed from a steadfast goal, or promise in this case.
*The wind went out of her as if he’d hit a switch...Then Abbey’s emergency backup power kicked in.* Trippy metaphor.
*He removed his finger and Abbey imagined her lips had never tingled so badly that she wanted to rub them. The thought that this was the first (and obviously last) time he’d touched her lips was sandwiched right in between I’m going to lose my job and take me, take me right now.* Heh, that was funny, very real.
*She nodded, dumbly, knowing it was over and understanding that no amount of pleading or grovelling was going to help her. He was trying to cover that fact by being polite. At least one of them had manners. Another thing she lacked in the quality department. If she continued at this rate, she wouldn’t have anything left.* Rambling thoughts hehe.
*He reached for something on his desk, half leaning over her and allowing her the view of the back of his golden tanned neck that rose from above his loosened collar and tie and she caught his scent; a mixture of soap, man and something else that she couldn’t place.* lovely sensual imagery here.
*She raised the glass obediently, completely transfixed by his voice and the intensity of his chocolate brown eyes. The whiskey burned a path down her throat like liquid fire, straight to her stomach, which growled at the intrusion.* I just adore how you word reactions, similes and personifications galor!
*A drop of whiskey clung to her lower lip and he wanted to suck at it.* Feeling's mutual I'm sure; He's British I see, a trait you have for male protagonists I assume ;)
*“Don’t forget your purse.” The smile that stretched across his face told her more than she wanted to know. Feeling as if the rug had been pulled out from under her feet for the umpteenth time this evening, she tried her best to ignore the bone deep mortification taking over.
Matthew smiled even wider at her retreating back, shamelessly ogling the curves of her backside as she walked away.* that had me laughing out loud ^_~
Matthew apparently needs some female company, maybe Abbey, hopefully ;)
Creative hatred: *A mouldy human toadstool. No, Abbey corrected herself, the bacteria that fed on the fungus that lived off the mouldy toadstool.*
*Matthew was already steering them both to the sofa that stood against the wall, ignoring the glance the Detectives exchanged.* I guess they suspect the blurry line between Employer and this specific employee, to be murkier still now. "Physical looks" often change the course of one's life (un)fortunately.
*“It looks that way. She was found dead in an alley five blocks from your apartment, shot in the chest. Four times.”* Ok my earlier guess seems somewhat off, but I still wonder.
Good progress of emotions during the questioning session: shock, fear, irritation, rationality, worry, sadness, loss, bitter confusion. Very nice.
*A mother, Abbey remembered whom Tania had hated and hadn’t spoken with in years, after she’d been thrown out of the house for having sex at the age of nineteen. One of the few things they’d had in common.* More mysteries unfold.
Nice long chapter, effectively satisifying.
I am happy to say, that I've decided to be your beta ^_^
6/13/2007 c2 Strangely Natural
I like the setup of character, how he personifies a corporate shark and how she described his mouth, sensual contradictions are attractive ;)
What's unique to your style are these metaphoric moments of scenic description: "Abbey drew circles with the bud of the cigarette in the ashtray, instead of tapping off the burnt ashes." It adds a subtle but efficient depth to the storyline, makes you feel more intune with the proceedings of each scene.
Nice line for the Abbey/Tania relationship here: "She met Tania’s eyes and at that moment, a bond formed between them, like it does between people who have shared and survived the same hellhole."
So I take it Abey and Jesse are adopted?
The way you describe work and business reminds me a bit of Pareathe's style (author of The Reality of Fairy Tales, great book)
This is fantastic: Then her heart gave a second lurch when she recognised Beaumont marching down the hall, his gaze pinned on her. For the first time in her life Abbey experienced exactly what it felt like to be a deer caught in headlights. The moment of suspension in which it was simply impossible to move, knowing the moment of fatal impact would come in a matter of seconds, waiting for it.
No one's ever actually described it before in such a clear sense.
Overall good steady flow.
I like the setup of character, how he personifies a corporate shark and how she described his mouth, sensual contradictions are attractive ;)
What's unique to your style are these metaphoric moments of scenic description: "Abbey drew circles with the bud of the cigarette in the ashtray, instead of tapping off the burnt ashes." It adds a subtle but efficient depth to the storyline, makes you feel more intune with the proceedings of each scene.
Nice line for the Abbey/Tania relationship here: "She met Tania’s eyes and at that moment, a bond formed between them, like it does between people who have shared and survived the same hellhole."
So I take it Abey and Jesse are adopted?
The way you describe work and business reminds me a bit of Pareathe's style (author of The Reality of Fairy Tales, great book)
This is fantastic: Then her heart gave a second lurch when she recognised Beaumont marching down the hall, his gaze pinned on her. For the first time in her life Abbey experienced exactly what it felt like to be a deer caught in headlights. The moment of suspension in which it was simply impossible to move, knowing the moment of fatal impact would come in a matter of seconds, waiting for it.
No one's ever actually described it before in such a clear sense.
Overall good steady flow.
6/12/2007 c1 Strangely Natural
Fantastic, bound to catch a reader with all those hordes of beautiful details, and mystery; nice!
Fantastic, bound to catch a reader with all those hordes of beautiful details, and mystery; nice!
5/23/2007 c5 4boredshitless
i'm not very sure what happened on that night, but if what you sent me is all that happened, then they didnt have sex?
4boredshitlessi'm not very sure what happened on that night, but if what you sent me is all that happened, then they didnt have sex?