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for Beautiful Dreams

5/23/2007 c1 46antigonelives
Hmm, interesting image to think about... I like it. :)
3/22/2007 c1 3Temeraire
Hm. Nice little haiku here. I won't say that I know much about poetry, so I can't really throw anything other than the "Good job, A+" review that you hate so much.

I'm assuming that 'kamikaze' refers to the divine wind rather than people blowing themselves up, yes?

Let me suggest one thing about the style. I think it just might look better on the page if you keep everything uncapitalized. It makes the writing seem more simple, but it delivers a bigger impact from what I know. I've seen people write entire stories [at about 2k+ words] without any capitalization and it adds to the poetic quality of the work. Everything - the title, the summary, and the content - did not contain one capitalized word.

Of course...that's just me trying to add to the "w0w j00 r 4 gr8 wr173t!1" review by saying something helpful. Since style's subjective, though, it's your call.

I think I'll run off to look at your other stories now.

3/22/2007 c1 6believe-in-futures
I read the other review which defines kamikaze and once you know the definition it fits very well but when I first read kamikaze I think Japanese Suicide Bombers in the second world war.

Possibly you could use zephyr? Has a similar meaning and no war connotations.

Aside from that, it is a very nice haiku.
6/1/2006 c1 4The River Sings
Hmm...if this is supposed to be a haiku, then your syllables are off.

it's nice.

the word "kamikaze" just doesn't seem to fit though.
5/31/2006 c1 rebeldork
I have a (very limited) knowledge of Japanese. Kamikaze means "holy wind" and I think that this fits your poem very well, though it might not be the meaning you thought of when you wrote it. One problem, though: The first line has six syllables in it. (I'm such a dork. I count the syllables in haikus. :P) Otherwise, great poem. Love the imagery! Keep it up! (And thanks for the review. I'll be reviewing your other story shortly.)
5/30/2006 c1 Robin Siskin
I don't like the kamikaze reference at the beginning. It's sort of like 'yeah I get that the pretty dreams were dying with the young men in the suicide missions, but come on.' It's just not...fitting with the rest of the haiku.

Anyways, I'll get to your other story soon. Right now I'm drooling over Ed Harcourt, so I may be busy for a while.
5/29/2006 c1 81emizulu
Very good. I was expecting something long, but I was pleased with this (I've got a bit of a short attention span. :P)

The italics really work (not that that has anything to do with the writing quality), and the poem is well written. Short, but excellent.
5/24/2006 c1 9BenevolentShadow
Wow- again. Excellent work again. This is really beautiful. Good job.

L. Shandow
1/6/2006 c1 gonegone
I have tried my hand at haiku poetry and culd never get the grasp of it. people like you make it look easy, good job!

I'm sorry to hear you've lost inspiration to carry on with your othr stories, I know how this feels. But I implore you never to loose the stories you have written, even if they are only half done, you can always use them later. I know, I have about half a dozen 30 page novels lol.

Keep writing and I hope to see more from you in the near future :D


P.S talking about half done stories I have updated The Game, and I hope I can keep doing so, lol.
12/28/2005 c1 Arcadia Lynch
Short, Simple and Cute. I liked it it flows rather nicely for a Haiku.


Leave a review back if you please.
7/1/2005 c1 7forgottensea
So short...but even the shortest pieces of work can be beautiful. Lovely!
5/15/2005 c1 21mazasuki
I like this! I think it's really hard to write haikus and even harder to make an idea flow through it like this. Very nice. Maybe you should turn it into a multiple haiku poem?
12/9/2004 c1 Mr. Ed
Very good use of words. Please write more.

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